The backwoods of Music Row

Written by hootenannie on September 4th, 2008

Things I have seen on my porch in the past week:
A spider
A cicada
A cockroach
A lizard
A possum

A possum. A POSSUM. On my front step, I kid you not. I was approaching my door after dark, and there it was, in the glow of the porch light, just sitting there waiting for me – at which point I said, “Oh, hellz no,” and performed an about-face back out to the street. I thought that cockroaches were bad, but they do not hold a candle to the extreme revulsion I hold for possums. God should have destroyed those demons in the flood.

Are you shuddering? I am. Still. Anything with RED EYES gets the middle finger from AP.

Since when did my front porch become a scene from “Deliverance”? Next thing you know, I’ll be blogging about moonshine and inbred albinos.

This Annie’s getting a gun.

20 Comments so far ↓

  1. Sep
    4
    8:20
    AM
    Sarah

    Oh Annie, those are just little country critters comin’ over to say howdy.
    But seriously, if they’re foaming at the mouth…shoot to kill.

  2. Sep
    4
    8:22
    AM
    Grant

    Annie,
    a quick reminder…you ARE in Tennessee. Deliverance was filmed in TN, and is you drive down the road 10-20 miles to almost any town (my favorite is Leipers Fork)you will find plenty of moonshine…in fact in Leipers Fork Sarah said the Sheriff and his Mom are in on the moonshinin’.

  3. Sep
    4
    8:27
    AM
    bec

    possums are better than cockroaches.

    and the word verification is ‘wooie’ so i think blogger agrees.

  4. Sep
    4
    8:41
    AM
    Shannon

    CREEPY!

  5. Sep
    4
    8:57
    AM
    [not the] Best Blog Ever

    Being a Yankee, I had to google was a possum even looked like.

    And…

    Gross. Git yer gun is right.

  6. Sep
    4
    10:27
    AM
    luke

    i once was present at the shooting of a possum with a bow & arrow because it was found on my neighbor's porch eating the cat food. it was quite an experience and quite a story. suffice it to say it took more than one shot. stick to the gun.

  7. Sep
    4
    11:44
    AM
    Sarah

    This post is hilarious and fabulous! Bein’ the animal lover that I am, I felt a little sorry for Mr. Red Eyes, but if he’s foolish enough to darken your doorstep, all bets are off, and he better high tail it out of there if he knows what’s good for him…
    Lovely musical theatre reference Miss Annie…sounds like this little geiser won’t know won’t hit ‘em! ;)
    Have a great weekend!

  8. Sep
    4
    12:01
    PM
    rachel rianne

    wilderness.
    at your front door.
    who knew it’d come find you?

    nashville. yes. absolutely.

  9. Sep
    4
    12:06
    PM
    duane

    maybe he just wanted an egg. on toast.

  10. Sep
    4
    1:41
    PM
    Sarah Markley

    ok. you realize we have ALL of those at my house (except the cicaida). add a coyote and a snake and we have orange county for you.

    you don’t need a gun, just some rat poison.

    which we used and found two dead rats in our front yard the next morning.

    ewww.

  11. Sep
    4
    1:45
    PM
    Tad

    So, I guess Lord Voldemort doesn’t have a chance with you huh.

    Red Eyes = Bad is a good rule to live by.

  12. Sep
    4
    2:39
    PM
    Annibelle

    My first exposure to the evil thing was when I was 10. I came home from school and, just as I was about to unlock the front door, I heard a rustling from the giant evergreen in my yard. I peered into the tree to see which of my pet squirrels was playing in the trees to find a pair of glowing, irredescent eyes staring back at me. It was no cat, like my poor little heart had hoped, but an OPOSSUM!

    I was frozen in fear.

    Years later, as a new fairly new driver, I hit one of those giant rodent beasts with my car. And was scarred for life (slight exxageration).

    I’m with you, girl. Those things are EVIL!!!

  13. Sep
    4
    3:07
    PM
    erin

    i once had a possum walking along my patio. I hit the sliding glass door really hard hoping to scare it away. Know what that sucker did? Laid down and played dead. Though frustrated, i could not stop laughing. I walked away, and eventually, so did he.

  14. Sep
    4
    3:39
    PM
    Sarah Kate

    I tried Moonshine once…in Leiper’s Fork. I did not, however, have as much as the sherrif. This is not even a lie.

    We have coyotes on the ranch.
    Come visit.

  15. Sep
    4
    9:04
    PM
    Case and Los

    From PETA police to getting a gun- looks like you’ve come a long ways since my rabbit-killing blog!!!!

    And my word verification was okpfv, which I take to be: Okay Parsons, fire at that varmint!

  16. Sep
    4
    10:06
    PM
    Lyla

    “Anything with RED EYES gets the middle finger from AP” Best laugh I’ve had all day.

  17. Sep
    4
    11:48
    PM
    MB

    Armadillos are way worse than possums! They’re creepier looking AND they have protective armor. They also don’t burn very well – long story. Have you seen any of those in TN?

  18. Sep
    5
    7:28
    AM
    Annie Parsons

    Matt: “and they don’t BURN very well”??!?!

    Oh man. I love reading my comments. :)

  19. Sep
    5
    10:50
    AM
    Rebecca

    HAHAHA!!! I have a GREAT possums story for you!!! You’re hearing it during our next phone date! ;) xoxo

  20. Sep
    6
    1:44
    AM
    ~lady j

    LOL!!! “anything with red eyes gets the middle finger from AP.” freaking. brilliant. :)

    i killed a ginormous atrocious bug in my room this week. and i have an aussie friend who used to call me– well still does call me– possum. its only cute because he’s crazy has an accent. :)

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