Reasons “Pinocchio” is the worst movie ever
Friday, March 6th, 2009- “When You Wish Upon a Star”
- Geppetto’s wish that a puppet would become a real boy. What?
- Creepy Blue Fairy
- Cricket as conscience
- “Give a Little Whistle”
- Honest John (wicked fox). MISLEADING.
- Figaro (pet cat, unclothed, walks on all-4’s), and Gideon (mute cat, clothed, walks like a human). INCONSISTENCY.
- Cleo (flirtatious goldfish with long eyelashes). AWKWARD.
- “Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee”
- Pavarotti… I mean, Stromboli
- “I’ve Got No Strings”
- Puppet locked in a bird cage
- A nose that grows with every lie. A NOSE THAT GROWS WITH EVERY LIE.
- Pleasure Island
- Boys turned into donkeys for “behaving like jackasses”
- Subsequent braying
- Puppet swallowed by gigantic whale
- Puppet sneezed out by gigantic whale
- Puppet dies
- Puppet brought back to life by the Blue Fairy as a reward for bravery
- “When You Wish Upon a Star” reprise… because we didn’t get enough the first time around.
