Reasons “Pinocchio” is the worst movie ever

Written by hootenannie on March 6th, 2009

–    “When You Wish Upon a Star”
–    Geppetto’s wish that a puppet would become a real boy.  What?
–    Creepy Blue Fairy
–    Cricket as conscience
–    “Give a Little Whistle”
–    Honest John (wicked fox).  MISLEADING.
–    Figaro (pet cat, unclothed, walks on all-4’s), and Gideon (mute cat, clothed, walks like a human).  INCONSISTENCY.
–    Cleo (flirtatious goldfish with long eyelashes).  AWKWARD.
–    “Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee”
–    Pavarotti… I mean, Stromboli
–    “I’ve Got No Strings”
–    Puppet locked in a bird cage
–    A nose that grows with every lie.  A NOSE THAT GROWS WITH EVERY LIE.
–    Pleasure Island
–    Boys turned into donkeys for “behaving like jackasses”
–    Subsequent braying
–    Puppet swallowed by gigantic whale
–    Puppet sneezed out by gigantic whale
–    Puppet dies
–    Puppet brought back to life by the Blue Fairy as a reward for bravery
–    “When You Wish Upon a Star” reprise… because we didn’t get enough the first time around.

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