Me: “Don’t you want to roll your eyes at people who don’t know the difference between stationary and stationery?”

Him: “It’s an easy mistake – the only way I remember it is that e goes with envelope.”

Me: “I remember it because e goes with letter… which, now that I think about it, is a completely useless mnemonic device.”

Over the weekend, I dreamed that I was on an “American Idol” style reality show.  I was one of the final two contestants, and I was sweating bullets – which is awkward when one is wearing an evening gown.

The moment of truth came.  The host made the announcement:

“And the winner is… ANNIE PARSONS!”

The crowd went wild.  I crumpled into a heap on the stage.  I was out of control.  I was crying and screaming and so ecstatic, I couldn’t contain myself.

Because I had just won a 4-year residency at Vanderbilt Medical School.

**UPDATE**

Straight from my fortune cookie today at lunch:

In dreams and in life, nothing is impossible.

Oh, really?

On Saturday, I had an idea: “I should go to Forever 21!”  This always sounds like a good idea – cheap clothes, cute ruffles, trends that will go out of style tomorrow but you must have them today, etc.  However, upon my arrival at the front doors, I was reminded of the cold, hard truth – a truth that I already knew, since I have learned it many times before, but I always forget when I get swept up in the moment.

I HATE Forever 21.

It is my own personal hell.

First of all, is there any rhyme or reason to the way that the clothes are arranged?  It is impossible to find anything in that store.  Racks of magenta clubbing attire next to bins of mesh t-shirts beside half-clothed mannequins on top of tables piled high with plastic belted cardigans…  It’s like the cast of “High School Musical” set off a dirty bomb.

Secondly, the music is unbelievably obnoxious.  I can’t decide if it makes me want to curl into the fetal position or open fire.  Must shoppers be subjected to songs that include panting?  Panting?

And finally, do any of the clothes even fit me?   I mean, I know that technically, these items are made for pre-pubescent, hipless anorexics, but I have plenty of curvy lady friends who find treasures there.  I don’t expect that a Forever 21 medium will fit me like an Actual Normal Sized Woman medium might, so I have no problem looking at the larges, and even extra-larges.  But honestly?  Extra-extra-large?

That’s just rude.

I bought nothing.

My life is really awesome.  And if I were the F-bomb using type, I’d throw one of those in: my life is really F-ing awesome.  I LOVE my life here in Nashville.

That said, I’m feeling overwhelmed with everything going on – and yes, that is a monstrous understatement.

I have a new job that is taking up every ounce of brainpower I can muster – mostly because I am learning how to think like the Internet thinks (funny – I thought it just knew).  I wasn’t prepared for how exhausting starting this new job would be.  Thankfully, it’s a good tired.

I have the world’s most amazing roommates.  I have fantastic friends – the number of which is growing exponentially, meaning no shortage of social gatherings.  I am involved in a church that I love.  I’m trying to eat right and sleep enough and manage my bank account and purchase necessary plane tickets and maybe occasionally shower.  And on top of it all, I am training for this blasted half-marathon – which is happening 2 weeks from tomorrow.

I am slammed.

Until future notice, I think that I’ll be forced to give up songwriting, keeping up with “The Office,” cookie baking, reading in all forms, and – the bane of my existence – phone calls of any sort.

Except with my mom and Greta, of course.

This is a season.  Mama said there’ll be days like this, there’ll be days like this, Mama said.  And I know that I’ll settle into a rhythm soon enough.  Until then, I am experiencing the overwhelming, all-consuming, crazy-making reality of BUSYNESS.

Emma is a very cool place with very cool people.

But on Sunday, PZC asked me, “So, now that you work at Emma, are you going to be one of the effortlessly hip?”

“Um… no, probably not.”

“I know,” he replied.

This is the day – the day that I re-establish myself as a contributing member of society.  I am uniting myself with the ranks of the fully employed.

After 19 months of instability, I start at Emma this morning.

I have no idea what to expect – except that it’s going to be good.  Whatever it is, it’s going to be really good.  No more Temptress… you can now address me as the Permanentress.

When I moved to Nashville over a year ago (remember this day?), I was a little bit crazy in the head.  I HAD to be – because in order to do something as bold as moving across the country alone with no plan, one must be a small fraction insane.  I was treating the move as an open-ended “study abroad” of sorts, and knew that I was free to leave at any time, should I decide that Nashville wasn’t for me.  Finding work through a temp agency only supported my non-committal relationship with this city.

But now?  Now I have a real job.  A legitimate job.  An awesome job.  A job that tells me, “Hey, Annie, you should probably stick around and see where this road takes you.”  I’m really staying here for awhile.

Life is never quite what we expect, is it?

In this case, I’m glad.

Yesterday, I worked Ye Olde Temp Job until about 3:30, and as I was walking out to my car, I thought to myself, “Tut tut, looks like rain.”  I was wearing a white button-down shirt, and decided against a stop at the grocery store, because what if it rains?  And my shirt becomes see-through?  Kroger is not ready for that.

Harris Teeter, perhaps – since they have already seen other things.

But not Kroger.  The little lambs.

So I drove home.  And as I did, the thunder and lightning began.  I had the distinct thought, “What if I am struck by lightning today?”  That morning when I woke up, I didn’t think this shall be the day that I shall be struck by lightning – but I bet every person who has ever been struck by lightning would say the same thing.  I totally freaked myself out.

There were tornados in Nashville yesterday.  I’ve never lived in a place with tornados before, so I don’t really have any idea what the protocol is.  Go to the basement, I suppose?  Except our basement floods when it rains.  And I have visions of being like Leo in “Titanic,” chained to a pipe in a lower-level holding room, trapped as the water rises higher and higher… and I CAN’T GO UPSTAIRS BECAUSE I WILL DIE BY TORNADO.

But… well.  It was totally fine.  I am alive.  I never saw a tornado.  Wasn’t struck by lightning.  Didn’t drown.

Guys.  Sometimes I just like to write dramatically about minuscule, harmless, meaningless details of my day.

Did Sly stop with “Rocky IV”?

Did Nadia Suleman call it quits after 6 kids?

Did having brothers named Track and Trig prevent Bristol Palin from naming her son Tripp?

No.

And in the same way, bucking common sense and what might seem like an obvious result… did the demise of my temp-job in this current economy conclude in me being unemployed for all of eternity?

No.

After exactly six weeks of unemployment – I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And not just any job. A good job. A great job. A job that makes me so giddy, I want to go throw confetti off the 440 overpass. With people so delightful, I want to bake them each their own personalized cupcake. At a company so awesome, I see it as the pot of gummy bears at the end of a rainbow – the rainbow that runs a mere mile and a half from my house to the offices.

This feels like the one I’ve been waiting for. I am so happy.

See you on Monday, Emma!

For the past couple of days, I’ve been starving for dinner by 3:45. Since my little temp job is from 7:30am-3pm, it’s very convenient – I can heat up some leftover curry that I cooked in the crock pot over the weekend, put on my sweats, get in bed, and watch “Oprah.”

I can’t believe I just admitted that.

Here, I’ll go a step further: yesterday, I also had a glass of boxed pinot grigio.  At 4pm.  In my bed.  With my curry, and “Oprah.”

But y’all.  Did you WATCH “Oprah” yesterday?  How much do we love Michael J. Fox?  A hundred million times.  I’m going to name my first-born after him.  Yes: JFox Parsons.

This man’s attitude and outlook on life is inspiring.  Parkinson’s is causing his body to turn on him, and he has lost control of so many basic physical abilities.  He talked about people staring, and the inability to keep his limbs still.  But he is continually thankful, continually hopeful, and continually positive.  He sees this disease as a gift – the thing that has caused him to appreciate his life, his family, his wife, and everything that he does have.

I have a lot to learn from him.

His quote of the show: “Happiness grows in direct proportion to your acceptance, and reverse proportion to your expectations.”