Music is never going to pay my bills – and I have no expectation that it should. So why is it important that I dedicate any time, energy, or effort to it?
Because I believe that we simply must do what we love.
But in the last 6 months, I’ve really stopped pursuing musical endeavors. I am not writing. I rarely go to shows. I feel depleted, and uninspired, and checked out. I work long days, and have my evenings booked up with various commitments and responsibilities. So many other things have taken the place of writing. Silence is a rarity, imagination seemingly an impossibility.
How do we keep the thing that we love a priority? In the midst of work and relationships and laundry and grocery shopping and getting a zit INSIDE ONE’S NOSTRIL, how do we stay focused on what we were created to love?
I am grateful for my very full life. But these days, all I want to do is drive away.
I don’t know where to go, though.
And so I stay.
I can blame my lack of creativity on this exhaustion and depletion, thinking that I just need to change something about my day-to-day reality. It’s so easy to live a guilt-based existence, assuming that if only I did this or that differently, I could dig myself out of this hole.
But to think that “success” or “failure” – in any area of my life – is up to ME? That is giving myself far too much credit.
I have to remember that the only true source of life and inspiration is in Christ.
I don’t know where else to go.
And so I stay.