The cruise ship is a battle zone, and I am at war.
I refuse to gain a pound a day.
But this is proving to take some serious combat.
I wake up each morning and put on my armor: a reasonable breakfast of one egg over easy, a small bowl of cereal, and an Americano. But after that, it is clear to me that the ms Zaandam wants me guillotined.
Their battle cry:
Free food! All day!
Stuff yourself at the buffet!
Over and over. And over. And starts again at 11pm.
I am notoriously thrifty, hate to waste anything, and to hear that something is free makes me want to take full advantage. You mean to tell me that I can order three appetizers, an entrée, AND dessert? Get down on it, mama.
Thankfully, there is a gym at the front of the ship, and I’ve been running off 19,000 calories every day. I have also taken on the identity of Elevator Hater, and walk the 8 flights of stairs at least 12 times each day. In heels.
This is my martyrdom. Because if you haven’t gorged yourself on mussels, bread, scallops, cheese trays, salmon, filet mignon, cookies, papaya, guacamole, pasta, and hot fudge brownie sundaes, washed it all down with wine and mojitos and margaritas, and then navigated 8 flights of stairs on a swaying ship in a cocktail dress and heels, then I’m sorry, my friend.
You do not know sacrifice.