Soliloquy
Written by hootenannie on September 22nd, 2009Isn’t this supposed to be the most exciting time of my life – the time where single girls have fancy jobs, live it up, meet interesting gentlemen in bars, travel to Greece and Zambia and Italy, are allowed to blow their entire paychecks on fabulous attire – and all the while, have smokin’ bodies and perky breasts because they have not yet given birth?
Sometimes, I think that my married friends have a very skewed view of my life – just like I probably often have of theirs.
Let me tell you what my daily life has actually been like.
I hit the snooze alarm for an entire hour before finally getting up, already late, and throwing on whatever t-shirt is closest and the one pair of jeans that’s fitting these days. I do not accessorize. I do not do my hair. I do not wear perfume. I barely smear makeup onto my face before grabbing my pre-packed breakfast AND lunch and running out to my 1990 Honda Accord that has been missing a hubcap for 7 YEARS now.
Usually my car starts within 2 tries. I drive 5 minutes to work and grab a cup of coffee on the way to my desk. Approximately the first 7 minutes of the day consist of checking my Gmail and Facebook, but that is just about all of the personal internet time I take before diving into a job that keeps my brain on speed for the rest of the day. Thankfully, I am feeling more and more competent every week, and finally pull my weight as a contributing member of the team – but leave with crossed eyes and a deflated brain from thinking so hard. As strange as it sounds, I am beginning to get addicted to the fatigue.
My evenings are a balancing act of “have dinner (cheese and alcohol does not count, Annie),” “run 5 errands,” “stick to your commitments,” “try to be nice to the people around you,” and “burn off every calorie that you consumed while sitting still all day.” Honestly, my thighs. What is happening? I’m referring to it as the “urban spread.”
I get home from the gym at 10pm, but only because that is when the YMCA closes, and not because I feel like I have paid my due penance. A rinse-off shower follows (I wash my hair as infrequently as possible to keep my cheap dye job from turning Soviet purple), and then I crawl into bed with every intention of finishing “Eclipse.” But then I remember that I have to pay some bills, I have to order some wedding gifts, I have to return some emails, I have to do some laundry, I have to clean my bathroom floor, I have to pre-pack my breakfast AND lunch.
Therefore, I have been reading “Eclipse,” young adult fiction about teenage vampires, for 8 weeks now.
I am awake until 1am before putting in my sexy mouth guard and sleeping for not-long-enough before hitting the snooze alarm for an entire hour the next morning and doing it all again.
Some of you will read this, tssk-tssk, and patronizingly say, “This girl has no idea that this is the best time of her life.” Others might think, “What an ungrateful shrew.” Dr. Dan will be proud of my dental dedication. All I’m saying is that currently life feels far from glamorous, I do not know how to have a full-time job and still pursue writing, my thighs are growing while the pool of single men is shrinking, and that I would be bored if I weren’t so exhausted all the time.
And scene.
22
AM
HAHA!! How eerily similar our lives sometimes are. Right down to our sexy mouth guards we have to wear at night so our teeth won’t be ground into stubs and fall apart from the hairline fractures we created.
This entry is funny to me b/c there’s a little thing I’ve been wanting to let you in on. I’ll email it to you right now.
22
AM
The lives of Single Annie and Married Christina are nearly identical. (Except that I really did have cheese and alcohol for dinner last night) I know that’s probably not exactly “reassuring”, but merely illustrates that life is life, married or not. There should be no illusions either way, glamorous, mundane, or otherwise. My expanding thighs can’t wait to see you next month!
22
PM
Amen! I wonder that all the time and have to say that I appreciate you for vocalizing it and giving the rest of us “single girls in the peak of our lives” someone to relate to.
However – I look at my parents with 30 years of marriage, 2 kids and a grandson and I’m pretty sure, they’d tell you that they’re in the highlight of their lives!
I also always look back to a time like high school and laugh at what I thought were “problems” I had (i.e., Johnny chose the other girl to take to the homecoming dance) and enjoy that I’m able to laugh about those “problems” now and know that I’ll be looking back at the problems I face now, as a 25 year old and probably get a kick out of them too.
It’s never going to stay bad and never as good as it’s going to get in the future.
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Maybe I need to use the winky face more.
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similarities:
1 hour snooze = yes please
wear most accessible clothes = check
hair = whatever it wants to do
cheese and wine dinner = daily dairy and daily fruit intake
thighs = i prefer the term leg muscles
add-ons:
spend weekends visiting married friends = FAIL
applying to jobs that never respond = FAIL
wearing what i sleep in til after lunch = FAIL
not being labeled as a YUPPY = FTW
Maybe this is the excitement of most mid-late 20’s, the cool ones anyway.
22
PM
annie! the pool of available men is not shrinking, it’s growing! you’re forgetting all the little boys we used to babysit that are growing older..they’re like…what…20 now? i smell opportunity!!! ;)
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(yes i did the winky face on purpose.)
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Oh Ann…my, how our lives are similar. Throw in a few crappy bus rides (because this “fabulous” 20something can’t even afford a car), and cottage cheese for dinner, and there you have it, you = me. Except for the fact that I am stuck in such a deep rut, that I don’t work out. EVER. Haven’t for weeks. At least you’re attempting to combat urban spread. I am just riding the ["more to love"] wave…ACK.
have I mentioned how much I HATE that phrase.
love you so, so much. xx
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Good one. You are way more accomplished in your day than me. If I get out of the house twice, that’s a big deal… and today I did. Once to take Burly to poop and the second with Claire to buy dog food and eggs. Highlights of my day. It impresses me if I’m dressed by mid-day, and eat all my food groups.
BUT, then again, I’m flying on a whim to NYC on Friday, so whatev. You win some, you lose some. Let’s just hope that the quality of the wins outweigh the higher quantity of the losses.
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Only you could come up with descibing a possible hair color as “Soviet Purple” I love it.
PS: I think looking back on this time of our lives and thinking it was in some way more fabulous, is just nostalgia, a kind of “the grass is greener” thing.
22
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yep, I agree with almost all the comments. . . real life has a lot of routine and what could be called “drudgery.” I think the trick is to find the wonder in what is by many thought of as throwaway. That’s the wonder that the WWII generation seemed to “get” in a way that we all have trouble getting. And it was Brother Lawrence who figured out that somehow Jesus was in the very center of washing dishes. I suspect that we will find Him in the mundane and redeem it.
Love, Dad
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The first thing I look at in a potential wife is the diameter of her thighs.
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OK Annie – thanks that you gave PZC the forum in which to write that sentence.
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Peg:
I KNOW.
hahah…
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Women with big thighs live longer. At least for me, it’s a longer amount of time that I can hate my big thighs.
Like some of your other married friends I live a life very similarly to yours. Still broke, still going to work frazzled or late, still having to stay up later to fix my lunch, rotate laundry, go through mail, pick up clothes (or at least throw them in the floor of my closet), do my 20 minute bedtime routine and then make peace with my pouting husband who says I never get to bed on time.
Yup, Still glamorous.
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oh my gosh i love you.
i think you’re completely fabulous and beautiful and i can’t WAIT to see you. : )
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I, too, hit the snooze, run late to work, run errands a LOT, try to eat a healthy dinner and often fail, and am having trouble finishing books. And I’m married. Totally glamorous.
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Thanks for making sure we single guys know what single ladies’ lives are really like. We’ll try to be more sensitive!
25
AM
I’m married, and yet I still press snooze every. single. morning for an hour. You would think that my optimism about the fact that I’ll actually get up when it goes off the first time would have faded by now. It hasn’t.