I struggle with the question, “What am I doing with my life?” I always have. And with each passing day, week, year, I am no closer to finding the answer – I am learning to just take one day at a time.
However, even though I might not know what I am doing with my LIFE, I think that I will always know when it’s time to do what’s NEXT. And once again, I’ve reached that pivotal point. The doors have flung wide open in an undeniable way, and I am choosing to walk through them.
I am Denver-bound.
It turns out that my mom’s cancer is more serious than originally thought – and I need and want to be there throughout her treatment (another surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation). The worst feeling in the world was getting that dreaded phone call, and being 1200 miles away. I cannot rest in that reality. My mom is my “person,” and I need to be close.
I am in the incredibly fortunate position to work for a company that does not see their employees as a commodity, but as humans with real lives – leading the “powers that be” to be gracious and supportive in the midst of crises. Emma has a small Colorado office, and is willing to let me work from Denver on an open-ended basis. I am heading west around Christmastime.
I am not calling it “moving.” I am leaving my stuff in storage here in Nashville, and “temporarily relocating for the indefinite future.” I don’t know what will happen, or where this will lead – it’s impossible to know what the coming months will bring. But I just know that it feels too early – too sudden – to close the door on my Nashlife. That may or may not wind up being relevant. But it’s how I feel right now.
I am hoping to rent a room in Denver, or house-hop for a bit – giving me a place to sleep during the week, and leaving me free to spend my weekends in Colorado Springs with my parents. So if you happen to live in Denver and know of any options, please let me know – because I don’t want to live under a bridge.
Obviously, there are still details to work out. But I do know that this is “what’s next.” Until then, you will find me crying most days, snuggling with Julie and Mel most nights, praying for my mom, and hoping that God knows what he’s doing.