Please tell me.

Written by hootenannie on November 12th, 2009

You know how some married people, when asked, “How did you know he/she was the right one?” answer, “I just knew”?

What does that MEAN?  What are they (you?) referring to?  And should single people be holding for it – whatever it is?

Or is it just a completely bogus statement, fabricated to placate the general relationship-befuddlement that seems to expand and swell the further we get from college?

I’m curious.

38 Comments so far ↓

  1. Nov
    12
    11:31
    AM
    Christina

    Hmmm, good question. I have given that response myself w/regards to my man-mate. For me, “I just knew” was less of a thunder-bolt, instant-love thing than it was a gradual, building understanding of who Dan was and what he meant to my life as we were dating. The more I knew him, the more I knew I couldn’t imagine my life with anyone else. There wasn’t one moment that I said “Ah ha! He’s The One!” and the decision was made. But over time, it just became a reality, a fact, that I could never not have him in my life and that was just the way it had to be, as if it had somehow always been that way. The End. No wait, The Beginning. (cheesy, but you asked!)

  2. Nov
    12
    11:51
    AM
    Emily

    I think “I decided” is more appropriate of an answer. For me it was never, “this is the only man for me,” fireworks or even the voice of God from the clouds.

    It was making the decision that I could love the man I was with with all of his current quirks and love him regardless of if he ever changes. I decided to stand by him and cheer him on to be the best of himself but also decided to support him even if he makes decisions that wouldn’t have been my first choice.

    I decided to let him love me the best ways he knows how and I decided to trust that as long as we both chase God first, we will be okay.

    I don’t think successful marriage-love can originate in the emotional places of us, especially women, because the emotional places are volatile and unpredictable. So every day I CHOOSE to love my husband and be in love with him, whatever that means for the day. Forgiveness, sacrifice, laughter, hard times and happy times.

  3. Nov
    12
    12:01
    PM
    Miranda

    Thanks, Annie, for asking this question. :) And thank you Christina and Emily for your responses. They are really really helpful.

  4. Nov
    12
    12:05
    PM
    Jamie

    Funny you mention this. I was just listening to a Matt Chandler message this morning. Talking about his wife Lauren, he said, “You know how I know she’s ‘the one?’ Because I married her.”

  5. Nov
    12
    12:13
    PM
    Laura

    I agree with Christina and Emily. It’s an awareness built up over time and a commitment renewed every day. I don’t think there is only one person in the whole wide world who is right for you- but I do think there is one person who is right for you at any given time. Does that make sense? In the dating world, someone can be “the one” at one point in your life but that can change as you both evolve and grow. Marriage is the right choice when you can confidently commit to loving the other person every day for the rest of your life. You choose that person as your “one” forever. Figuring out whether you love someone enough to marry them is a function of time and lots of prayer.

  6. Nov
    12
    12:30
    PM
    Delaney

    We’re not even married yet, so maybe I’m not a know-it-all on this topic. But for me, there wasn’t a lightning-bolt moment, and those probably only happen in the movies. It was just a gut thing, that this man had come into my life for a reason, and I’d tried to keep him in a specific (non-romantic) place in my life and it wasn’t working. And then we crossed that threshold and I realized that I just wanted to talk to him every day. It felt inevitable, and to me, that’s how I “knew.” But I think the real challenge is still “knowing” six years later. That’s more important in the long run, right?

  7. Nov
    12
    12:44
    PM
    Erin

    Hmm…I sort of agree with the first two…
    BUT! For me, I had been praying a lot of my life for “him” and especially near the end…whether I had met him yet, what was going to bring us together, how we would cultivate our relationship-even how long it would be before we got engaged (I prayed for it to SHORT).

    For me, it was a “huh. It was YOU all this time?!? That’s cool!” God definitely has a sense of humor…I wanted to be married young and instead…He made me wait for “a good one” until I was almost the dreaded twenty-ten! I’m SO glad that I waited for “the one” to come because I almost settled for less than him. I consider him “the one” because things just fell into place when we started hanging out…and even my family didn’t seem to shook up about him being around because it just plain made sense. :)

  8. Nov
    12
    12:59
    PM
    Matt

    Interesting discussion, and I think Delaney said it well. I’ll also say that I don’t think there’s a “the one” for everyone. Of Montreal has a great song called “One of a Very Few of a Kind.” That’s more what I think, that there’s a small range of people out there that you could be happy with, and the trick is finding one of them at the right time in your life.

    That’s an important point though, that finding the right person is at least as much about you as it is about them. Knowing who you are and what you believe and think makes it much easier to find someone that fits. I think people say this all the time and it sounds like some sort of magical thing, “if you love yourself, you’ll find someone to love.” But it’s not magical, it’s logical! If you don’t know yourself, you can’t possibly know what you want.

    So, I think you “just know” when you’ve been with someone long enough to know that their ideals and values match yours and that you love them with all your heart. Marriage is a continual process (and I’m only four years in, so I’m not exactly an expert either), but if you have those things in place, the rest is small potatoes.

  9. Nov
    12
    1:08
    PM
    Dani Lin

    Well, I’m pretty sure that “just knowing” is crap, and have been very careful to never respond to that question that way since being “espoused”… since it used to drive me nuts too. :)

    I think I agree with what others have said here, though… that it comes from a decision. I spent a lot of time with Adam trying to “just know” and torturing him in the process, clinging to the hope that somehow, some way, just knowing would happen so I could be blissful already. But it doesn’t. It takes time and commitment, and one day you decide that you’re done deciding, so you allow yourself fall in love. I guess that’s the day that you just know… but it never was as easy for me as all that.

  10. Nov
    12
    1:29
    PM
    Greta

    Ooo, this is so interesting. Keep posting, married people.

  11. Nov
    12
    2:24
    PM
    Alissa

    I think Emily totally hits it on the head. There isn’t a moment, but the building of understanding over time. In fact, in our longer dating story, it is abundantly clear that neither of us had a “he’s/she’s the one” moment. One clue was when people around us started asking when we were getting married (we were still so young), and that that forced us (in a good way) to start talking about our future. For me, part of it was realizing that Scott was the person I wanted by my side to celebrate all of life’s good times AND the person I wanted with me to work through the hard times.

  12. Nov
    12
    3:54
    PM
    [not the] Best Blog Ever

    What Christina and Emily said.

    It’s real.

    When you know, you know. Even if it takes you a little while to know.

    Hang in there for it; hold out.

    My [happily married for 3+ years] $.02!

  13. Nov
    12
    5:27
    PM
    Megan

    What a great question Annie!

    For me it was a gradual, yet ever-increasing, “knowing” while we were friends/dating.

    I would describe the “I just KNEW” in a simple word: peace. When I think back to that feeling I identify it as a complete peace – A peace in who I was with him, a peace in who he was as a man, a peace that I got only ever with him. It just felt right. Plainly said, I felt most at rest with myself in our friendship, later our relationship, now our marriage. Not a “You complete me” but rather a “You put me at ease to fully be me”. Its the feeling that you wouldn’t want to have to do life without that person – not that you couldn’t, but that you just wouldn’t want to.

  14. Nov
    12
    5:41
    PM
    Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams

    I would echo the other married folks who said it’s a gradual process. For me, the slow realization dawned after my man had stuck with me during the worst year of my life – a year that involved deep grief unlike any I’d known before. He stuck by me even when I pushed him away, and after I came back to myself, I realized I wanted him around for the next hard time. And the next good time. And all the times in between.

    My mom always says she “just knew” and that drives me crazy, too. I think it’s definitely a process – and a decision. But man, when you get there, it’s magic.

  15. Nov
    12
    6:19
    PM
    Julie Parsons

    Okay, I’ll fess up…I fell in love with my now husband the moment I first saw him. And he says he fell in love with me before we even met…he had been hearing his friend (my then-boyfriend) talk about me, and decided I was a person he just had to meet.

    BUT…after that initial meeting and the falling in love instantly and all, it took us three years and a lot of painful trying to get our stuff together. I was seeing someone else, there was a lot of drama, and a difficult series of life events.

    We went to the same church…and I truly believe that through our involvement in spiritual growth groups and perserverance that that first sparking moment of love was a gift of recognition (and Andy is as stubborn as a man can be) that we wound up together.

    We try not to tell this story to single people, particularly single people who are pining after a lost love…it’s a rare story (as you can see from the lack of them above), and we don’t want to put false hope in anyone’s mind or heart. We are truly blessed to have found each other…no one else could possibly put up with either one of us.

    We just celebrated our 7-year anniversary, and neither of us is the least bit itchy.

  16. Nov
    12
    6:38
    PM
    Carin Duncan

    For me, I met Greg at our summer job in college. I knew most of the students working there already, but I hadn’t met greg yet. I remember walking in the room at orientation, and noticing him sitting in the corner, finally solving the mystery of who this one person was that I didn’t know. I instantly thought he was cute. As orientation went on, I found out we were the only two working full time that summer. So, we spent the summer getting to know each. We laughed a lot! I didn’t want to be around anyone else. He was my best friend! I hated to go home, cause it meant I would be away from him. (He was dating someone else at the time) I knew that we held the same beliefs and opinions about most things, the big things that are important to agree on. We had so much fun together. I was never nervous around him, not even once. We always had something to talk about. We could spend hours talking. I was never anxious about being with him, but I counted the minutes until we would hang out together. I knew I wanted to grow old with him. He’s my best friend. And I knew that we would stick with each other in the hard times. We were committed to go through life in the hard times, not just the good. I knew he was my eternal optimist, when I am the realist (he calls me the pessimist). I knew he was the mellow one who liked to have fun, and I was the serious one who worried about things. I knew we would help each other out in any situation. I knew God put us together that summer. We were both the friend that each other needed, and it was perfect timing.

  17. Nov
    12
    8:14
    PM
    Allie, Dearest

    One of my Economics profs had a very funny rant that we settle down when we realize that the cost of waiting to find a better mate is higher than the benefit of waiting for one.

    He said that when we’re young, if we can hold out awhile, the menfolk will mature enough for the wheat to be separated from the chaff, if you know what I mean. But then you reach a certain point where the only wheat left sitting on the ground is the kind that’s been thrashed and stepped on and partially chewed then spit out. And at that certain point, we begin to miss out on childbearing and investment profits, or something like that.

    In his scientific world, you’ve got to find that equilibrium moment between waiting for something better and letting really good possibilities pass you by. Of course, I lived in a retarded isolation during those very important equilibrium years for our generation, working my butt off with a room full of married men and saddled to a social life that didn’t allow me to meet the type of people that would really be a good match. So now, I’m hoping that there’s more in this love thing than just cost-benefit analysis.

    And maybe I only want it to be romantic because I think that I’ve missed it as far as being practical and scientific and strategic is concerned. Maybe mysticism about love is the last resort of the negligent?

    I like the responses to this thread. What a fantastic question.

  18. Nov
    12
    11:23
    PM
    Andrea

    Sometimes you don’t know your “I just knew” moment until after it already happened. It truly is gradual and happens over time. It’s being comfortable with one another and wanting him (or her) by your side for every moment of your life. For the good times and the bad. Sometimes it isn’t until after you’ve been married, and settled into your routines, that you can reflect on how things fell into place. You knew it felt right beforehand, but you might just understand “why” a little bit more.

  19. Nov
    12
    11:58
    PM
    Lyla

    Okay, okay, okay. So I’m not a married person. BUT Kyle and I have lived together for 3 years and when we hit year 5 we “might as well make it official” because as far as we can tell, this is forever. So, I’ll tell you my bit anyway.

    We met on Craig’s List. We talked on MSN for a week. Then we went on our first date.

    The plan for our first date was to go to Cafe Ladro. However, Kyle couldn’t remember where it was. First Ave? Second Ave? University? Pine? We walked and walked. So,we gave up and went to the first Stabuck’s we saw… which in Seattle was about a block. Well, coffee didn’t suck, so, we went to dinner. And then when we were leaving dinner at Red Robin, I mentioned I’d never taken one of the Seattle ferries. SO, spur of the moment, we took the ferry out to Bainbridge Islad. It was sunset and very romantic and then then on the way back it was dark and so we got to see the city lights.

    By the end of the trip, though, I had a migraine. So, Kyle rode the bus home with me and let me cuddle. When I got to my house, we parted ways at the mailbox. He leaned in for a kiss and I totally dodged it. THEN, because the last bus that went near my house had stopped for the night, he had to walk up to AURORA AVE at 10:00 pm!!! I KNOW!!!

    Okay, so now you expect me to say it was instant and love at first sight. Nope. It was fun, but I wasn’t sure there were “sparks” and Kyle admitted later that he fully expected me to ditch him and not show up for the 2nd date.

    But THEN, our 2nd date lasted like days. And THEN I went home like once a month for the next several months to pay rent etc.

    Did we know then? No.

    Fast forward a little bit and I was writing things like this exceprt from my e-mail to a friend: “So the other day I was telling Kyle that I was afraid that perhaps I’m involving myself too much in this relationship and Kyle said, “Don’t worry about it! I can’t think of another way to say it, but I’m ass-over-tea kettle heart and soul falling for you.” lol It was cute and made me feel better about how much I care about him already.”

    Did I know THEN? No, but closer.

    I don’t think there was one moment, but I know there have been lots of them. It’s only a decision that he’s “the one” on the days that our relationship takes work. On the other days, the “knowing” is something I cannot explain except to give you a example.

    One such moment happened last night and he’d be horrified to know I shared this… but I’m gonna do it anyway.

    So last night, we were laying in bed going to sleep when he passed an amazing amount of gas… at which point, for no reason at all, I said very loudly, “FAAAAART” and then he laughed. And then I laughed. And then he laughed harder. And then I laughed harder. And then Kyle said, “You know, if our relationship was movie, the preview narrator would say: Two people united by their love of farts…”

    And then the next thing out of my mouth was, “I love you.” Because that was the only valid response.

  20. Nov
    13
    12:35
    AM
    Joey

    I just knew.

  21. Nov
    13
    1:09
    AM
    FW

    It’s definitely not a bogus statement. It happens. It is real.
    It happened to me. And it wasn’t gradual at all, unless you figure 12 hours is gradual.

    You’ve done jigsaw puzzles, right? Have you ever picked up a piece and just known that it was the one you were looking for? Before trying it? And you were certain? It’s a little like that feeling.

    The other person completes you. Like the jigsaw puzzle pieces fit together. And the more you know about the other person, the more this is true.

    But should someone wait for it? I’m not even going to try to answer that. Allie’s answer is an interesting analysis tho. She might enjoy: http://xkcd.com/314/

  22. Nov
    13
    12:37
    PM
    wrecklessgirl

    allie, dearest, you are my hero. that’s all i have to say.

  23. Nov
    13
    1:23
    PM
    rachel

    Since reading this yesterday, I have been thinking and thinking about how to respond, because I, too, have been told this over and over. And even now that I am in relationship and we are talking about getting married on Jan 2, people keep telling me “you just knew” and I say, to myself, “really?”

    I mean, I guess. I just knew that I can always be myself around him. I just knew that he tells me with the same intensity that I am beautiful whether I am wearing a dress and heels or a t-shirt, gym shorts and haven’t showered. I just knew that he has a character that I want to be the father of my kids. I just knew that he is honorable, a man of God, caring, giving, generous, has the same ideals and life plans as me (by life plans … I mean we have NO idea and we’re comfortable with that!).

    So, did I just know? Ummm … no. I spent the first 2 months of the relationship with one foot out the door cause I was scared out of my mind. But, God kept me there. He kept showing me and giving me affirmation (I have literally not had one person express any concerns about our relationship). One day I just reached the point where I knew that I could keep looking and trying to find someone who is “better” but realized that I also might walk away and miss out on the amazingness that is Luke and never find another person who cherishes me like he does. The grass is not always greener!

    So, instead of just knowing, I would say it is more of a choice. Emily said in her comment that “I don’t think successful marriage-love can originate in the emotional places of us, especially women, because the emotional places are volatile and unpredictable. So every day I CHOOSE to love my husband and be in love with him, whatever that means for the day. Forgiveness, sacrifice, laughter, hard times and happy times.” What an amazing statement.

    I am choosing Luke. I choose to make him “my one” and I choose to walk forward in the path that God has put before me. We are better together than apart and that is how I “knew”

    (and since reading your post, I am committing to never throwing that cliche out there. ummm … cause its ANNOYING!!!)

  24. Nov
    13
    4:32
    PM
    kristin

    When I was in high school, I remember my youth group heckling our leader when he got engaged for giving this same “answer” to the “how did you know she’s the one?” question. Being married now…I agree with a lot of what people are saying (not that my word is the final one or anything, unless you count mine being the final comment so far in the comment section). It’s not necessarily something you can articulate at the time, something inside you (the Holy Spirit?) just knows and gives you peace about it. But as your fellow INTJ (although I might be an F), I of course did have a list of reasons for how I knew he was the one, which I kept adding to as our relationship deepened. These are by no means universal (or exhaustive), but hope it’s helpful. I knew B was the one when…
    1)While talking with him about many painful things he would remain calm, attentive, and gentle, I realized I could talk to him about anything, including ugly sin, my past and seemingly trivial insecurities without fear of condemnation or (worse) abandonment.
    2)He could approach me with the same confessions or difficult subjects.
    3)We had fun doing anything and everything – we did a lot of seemingly menial things together (dishes, cooking, even composting) and thoroughly enjoyed our time together. We liked working together.
    4)I found myself increasingly comfortable around him and able to be my very silly self – I was soooo uptight in college – quiet, anxious, mildly anti-social (fear of man!)… and when I found myself throwing my head back and laughing, humming, and dancing around while with him, well…
    5)…I knew God was really working through him in a major way in my life.
    6)He was growing, too. We had (have) a deep concern for each other’s well being and growth.
    7)We complement each other in many ways; we’re a good mix of different and similar.
    8)We visited each others’ families and it felt completely natural.
    9)I knew I didn’t care about him as just a friend because I thought (think) he was (is) totally hot (:

  25. Nov
    13
    7:58
    PM
    Sarah Kate

    God in His infinite wisdom let both Danny and I get through all of our “stuff” before we met. About 5 years ago, I experienced a relationship where I got engaged because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do but it never felt totally right. I never “just knew” with him athough on paper it should have worked. As it turned out, he was not the man I was supposed to marry so we broke it off which in turn made me very choosy about who got a second date. Once Danny came along we went on that first date and it worked so we kept going. We “just knew” after about a month which is totally ironic since I totally judged people who had short relationships and got married (But how do they even know??? I would ask). We did “just know” and got married within a year as my married friends always predicted would happen. I no longer judge :). “Just knowing” is another way of saying that you have “God’s peace” about that relationship. It’s not so much a feeling as a peace about it.

    As far as whether or not you should wait for it? ABSOLUTELY. You never know what God has in store.

  26. Nov
    14
    1:36
    AM
    Rosemary

    I knew that Josh was “the one” through a series of confirmations from the Lord. I had years of relationship baggage and was both terrified of and longed with all my heart for marriage. While we were dating, on a heart level, I went back and forth from “I’m so crazy in love with this man, I want to marry him today!” to “I’m not cut out to be a wife, what if he’s not the one, I can’t do this.” All the while, as I pressed in and sought the Lord, I heard a still small voice. His voice cut through all my fear, insecurities, hormones and pendulum-swinging heart. He just nudged me and said, “You’re safe with him. He loves you. Don’t be afraid. This is my plan for you.” I fasted and prayed and journaled and sought the Lord hard through the whole thing, and we even separated for a couple of months. I now have a journal full of confirmations from the Lord and Josh and I have been married for two years. At 31 years old, I can honestly say that the last two years have been the most glorious, beautiful years of my life. Companionship, arguments, forgiveness, compromise, passion and friendship. I’m more in love today than ever. It’s worth the wait my friend.

  27. Nov
    14
    12:01
    PM
    Juliette

    I’m gonna have to agree with what Megan said about peace. I’d been looking and waiting and begging for that peace in everyone I dated. With Todd though, it completely caught me off guard. I’d even go as far as saying it was there from our very first date. I didn’t realize it until a little later, but also, like Megan said, “he put me fully at ease to be me”.

    Todd was so candid about his feelings for me from day one, I couldn’t help but be intrigued. And the more we talked, the more I realized– “I could do this forever.”

    Todd and I don’t believe in “The One”. But we believe our meeting was a gift to both of us from the Lord and are so grateful for this gift that the LEAST we could do to honor Him and each other is to vow to honor and support and care for each other and commit our lives to His service.

    In short, us being together is the best thing either of us had ever experienced. When we realized the offer was on the table, to do this forever, neither of us could imagine passing it up. So we made a decision, confidently, and are trusting the Lord to help us honor our commitment, even when times get tough.

    But we’re still pretty sappy in love at the moment. :)

  28. Nov
    14
    8:14
    PM
    Daddypundit

    Annie,

    Wow, what a loaded question. I’m really glad that you asked it and want to hear from those of us blessed enough to be married.

    I used to hear “I just knew” from friends of mine back when I was single. In fact, when I finished college I was struggling to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life and marriage was the last thing on my mind. I hadn’t been really good at the relationship thing so the possibility of being eternally single was real.

    When I met Shelley, I had only been in my new job starting my new career for a grand total of three weeks having moved into my apartment just a couple of days before starting my job. I wasn’t looking for a mate. But God showed me that she was going to be my wife. I even called two guys I knew that we’re already engaged to ask them their advice. Their response was unexpected: you’ve found “the one”.

    We had both been reading The Secret of Loving by Josh McDowell which stressed more than anything that the secret to finding true love is to be the right person rather than looking for them.

    I know it probably sounds trite to you that “I just knew” that Shelley was the right one for me. Although it took a little while for her to be convinced, she came to understand I was the right one too. We’ve been happily married now for over eighteen years.

    Don’t lose hope, Annie. If God intends for you to be married (and my belief is that marriage is His gift to us) then He will show you who the right guy will be at the right time. Stay focused on pleasing God by following His call for you and He will take care of the rest.

    Blessings,

    Tom Parsons of the Other Parsons

  29. Nov
    15
    12:27
    AM
    Casey Evans

    Wow, I just read a novel’s worth of comments. How are you doing with all of these? I’m one of the few that “just knew” the night I met Los, though our story resembles that of Julie Parsons and other people here… it took a few years to iron out all the drama:)
    The best I can describe it is this: I don’t like people very much. I never dated anyone very long. And there was something about Los that sparked an interest, the first time we met, that I could never shake. I was ruined. No one else ever captivated (captivates) me like that. For no one else did my walls come crumbling down. You can write a song about that. You’re welcome:)
    You “know” when your introvertedness (my introvertedness) doesn’t mind sharing your space with that person:)

  30. Nov
    15
    12:37
    AM
    Casey Evans

    p.s. and THEN you get to spend the rest of your life uncovering the WHY and HOW you just know:) It’s fun.

  31. Nov
    15
    12:48
    AM
    FW

    Great advice, Daddypundit!

  32. Nov
    16
    12:53
    PM
    Rebs

    I missed this one! This is great AP – I love that you asked this question! You’re my hero. :)

    And, as you already know (I think), I’m one of the “just knew” ones. That doesn’t mean it didn’t completely freak me out, scare me, etc., but we just knew (and prayed about it a lot and asked other people to pray and searched our hearts, etc. etc.)

    Right now I’m really wishing we could talk about this over a bottle of wine. Greta should be there, too. :) xo

  33. Nov
    16
    5:15
    PM
    Miranda

    Knowing is real. It’s:

    1) The heart-crushing, still satisfying emotion of “where have you been?” and “what took you so long?”
    2) The feeling of being irrevocably Found.
    3) The truth that somehow you already know this person – and always have.

    And just knowing also means continuing to know – that after the brilliance of cloud-walking when you first meet, that you actively choose to know they are the right one for you – for always.

    Miranda

  34. Nov
    17
    4:35
    PM
    jry

    The best way I can phrase it…. A lightening bolt of tranquility :)

    …with Joey, “I just knew” :)

  35. Nov
    17
    6:37
    PM
    FW

    … and then there is this:
    http://xkcd.com/310/

  36. Nov
    18
    12:54
    PM
    Sally

    I’m always late to the party… but a friend and I were discussing this one time a while ago and we concluded that everyone is crazy, you just have to find someone with the kind of crazy you can deal with. :)

    Aaron and I had had a wild combination of God’s intervention, visions, decisions, etc. It was nuts. You’re inspiring me to blog about it. It was this rad thing that God did for both of us. Because I had such bad memories of my parent’s failures that I was sooo gun shy. I literally told God that it would take a revelation before I would get married. So Aaron got one. God is sneaky like that. I love that we had uncharacteristically spiritually wild beginnings. But like everyone has pointed out in the 36 comments above, regardless or whether you know or commit or whatever, it’s still marriage and it still takes work. I have a hunch that God just meets you where you are. He knows who you are and what you need. That’s why He went to such great lengths with me… because he knew I needed the reassurance. There’s no formula. Ever. Sometimes that’s frustrating, but mostly it’s awesome.

    Cool post BTW. Interesting topic to think about.

  37. Dec
    2
    6:41
    PM
    Muggs

    Hi Annie!
    I’m sheepishly making a first appearance on your board, tail between my legs because I’ve been so out of touch, but I’m here. I wanted to say that all these responses to your question have helped me immensely. I think you and I have beena bit mislead in that we were told “God has THE ONE for you” and “I just know” because as you can read in all these posts, it varies! Some say that they worked out all their own personal stuff and then he came along and some say their partner helped them through all this stuff and then they knew la la la. Annie, we’re talking rings now…I’m about to be engaged to the man who I have always wanted. We broke up so many times because he didn’t want kids and I made some of my worst decisions as a reaction to that but all the while, I knew I wanted him. He’s not this person I thought I’d marry and thank GOD for that. (He’s much more interesting than the guy I thought I’d marry. And hotter too. heh.) But I wanted to chime in on all the people telling you it’s not a formula. It’s just loving someone and choosing to do so every day despite the odds and despite your (and his) shortcomings. I love you, Annie. I am praying for your Mom.

  38. Dec
    3
    2:47
    PM
    elizabeth

    i just hopped over here on a link from a friends blog . . .

    and i LOVE miranda’s response. i too “just knew”

    my husband-to-be was a friend of my brother’s. he was in my brother’s car – he hadn’t gotten out, i hadn’t seen him – and i had the total feeling/thought – i am going to marry this guy. and then the feeling/thought of – oh. my. word. i. am. crazy!

    maybe i am, maybe i was.

    he knew it too. he told me so the next day. “i think i’m supposed to marry you,” he said. “i think so too,” i said.

    we married 11 months later. we’ve been married now for 8 years! and it’s a long, wonderful story.

    there’s all kinds of ways it happens. some of us really, truly do “just know.”

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