Tomorrow is a new year, a fresh start, a clean slate.
I like markers. I like new beginnings. I like boundaries that separate “this” from “that.” It gives me a sense of control, however misperceived.
2010 is a year of starting over, in almost every way that I possibly could – even in ways that I didn’t ask for and don’t want to. New city. New home. New people. The “new people” part is the part I really don’t like – I’ll be honest, I don’t really want any new people. I like the people that I already have, thankyouverymuch.
But I think back to 2 years ago when I moved to Nashville, and I could not believe that I had left Seattle. I spent the first 6 months with one foot still in the Northwest, convincing myself that the relocation was temporary, and that I would be returning sooner rather than later. I tried to freeze my long-distance friendships – like frogs under the ice, just biding time until the waters thawed and they could once again swim freely.
But that day never came.
And you know what? I’m glad.
I exchanged something very good in Seattle for what turned out to be something very good in Nashville. Incredible friends. Amazing experiences. Growth and challenges and hilarity and LIFE. I would not trade my two years in Nashville for anything I once had in Seattle – not because it was better than what I had in Seattle, but because I have now experienced it, and it’s mine.
You can’t give back what is now yours. I wouldn’t want to. Not even the hard stuff.
So as I head up to Denver today to get the keys to my new apartment, and I wait for my furniture to be delivered next week, and I start working in the office on Monday, and I drive around this massive urban sprawl that seems so foreign and gigantic, I want to be present. I will leave my heart wide open to the people in front of me – not forsaking my far-flung, beloved friends, but hopefully, gracefully, allowing those relationships to change. This is the only way to truly live.
Even though I didn’t really ask for it, I chose it, and I CHOOSE it. I’m excited for what Denver might hold.
But, um, friends? Please come visit me in 2010. I miss you already.