I’ll just cut to the chase: Southwest Airlines lost my luggage this weekend.
[insert me telling you how this sent me for a minor emotional tailspin, and how I was sick as a dog, and almost broke down and gave up, but soldiered on – for the children, really, and for America]
Flying from Nashville to Austin on Friday night, I was exhausted. I was getting sick – and I had no Kleenex. So on the plane, to my horror and shame, I had no choice but to use my sleeve to wipe my insanely runny nose. Multiple times.
Southwest offered to reimburse me for $50 worth of necessities until they found my bags – which, when you are in town for a wedding, and all you have is the mucus-crusted cardigan on your back, won’t get you very far. But I appreciated the gesture, and went to Target to max out on the necessary toiletries, medications, and two pairs of underwear.
Why two pairs? Because I wasn’t sure what kind of a dress I would wind up wearing, and any woman can tell you that different dresses call for different undergarments. Just… I just needed both pairs, okay? Always be prepared.
I found a dress and shoes at TJ Maxx, took a hot shower, my meds kicked in, and a great time was had by all at Joey and Sam’s fabulous wedding. All’s well that ends well, right?
Not so fast, sparky.
Southwest decided to itemize my Target receipt, saying that they weren’t sure that all of these things were truly “necessary” to my survival without my luggage. Things that made the cut, no questions asked? Cosmetics. Medicine. Eyedrops. Tampons. Thanks, guys, for deeming tampons “necessary.” You are too kind.
The complication? The underwear.
Apparently, because the luggage was returned within 24 hours, only one of the pairs was considered “necessary.” And so there at the Southwest counter, I was asked to indicate which pair I wore that day – bikini or thong. Multiple times, I was asked out loud, “Which pair did you need today? The bikini or the thong?”
You will never know.
But Southwest does.