Pearl
Written by hootenannie on May 2nd, 2012I’ve never been much for gems and jewels. I don’t own any precious stones, wear no diamonds, and really don’t have a desire for fancy baubles.
I do have a pearl necklace, though. It was given to me as the gift for singing in a friend’s wedding years ago, and while I don’t wear it often (come on, this is Denver), it’s pretty to look at – and last night, I remembered how pearls are formed.
Oysters, soft and tender, rely on their hard shells to keep them safe. But occasionally, a grain of sand will sneak in, and this coarse foreign object can cause pain, rock against flesh. One might think that the oyster would react protectively, forming a leathery callous to protect itself from the sand – but it doesn’t. The oyster remains soft, yielding to the suffering, and slowly, over time, begins to wrap the grain of sand in translucent layers.
The pearl is the oyster’s response to the pain.
I’ll be honest: some days are really tough right now. Sometimes, my parent’s divorce still hits me like a diesel truck, plowing me over. Sometimes, I wrestle with the “what ifs,” which spiral only into a black hole of uncertainty. Sometimes, the future stretches out like a never-ending one-way street, and the thought of walking that blacktop every single day (not to mention showering – don’t you ever get overwhelmed at the fact that you will always, always have to shower, forever and ever?) can be paralyzing. Sometimes, even this introvert feels so alone I can hardly stand it.
I wish for a quick fix, a microwave to melt away my icy problems – an insta-pearl, if you will.
But even if I’m not patient, I’m feeling pretty stubborn – and once again, I’m determined to see this rough patch through to something of value, something of worth, something with a silver lining. I just need to give myself over to the ocean.
And for the record, the ocean has always terrified me. It’s a beauty to behold, but to be in it? It’s too big, too unknown. It isn’t safe. The depths are terrifying, and if it wanted to, it could swallow me whole.
But for an oyster, the ocean is the only place to live. It’s what it’s meant for. And without it, there would be no such thing as a pearl.
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Beautiful.
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Stay present. Trying to predict the future is what knocks us over.
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it’s like you opened my heart and poured the words out onto the page. so glad to know someone else feels the way i do right now (except i freaking love the ocean). hang in there!
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oh annie. you are beautiful. and a pearl.
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Annie, I’ve been a faithful reader for years and an occasional commenter. This is brilliant. You are incredible. That’s all.
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I absolutely adore this post. For all of the beauty in it and the reminders it sparked in my own life.
But truthfully, I love it the most because of the shower part. I DO think about how daunting it is that forever and ever we’ll always have to shower. And I’m happy to know someone else feels the same way.
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I needed this tonight, Annie. Thank you.
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I had to keep starting this post over because I read it right after I read your post about, “IT’S SNOWING!”
My mind kept picturing that moment on the plane and I found myself chuckling aloud in the middle of reading a deep and poignant post. It was a very weird dichotomy. Way to make me think and feel two completely different things at the same time! You’re uniquely talented!
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K is for Kaleidoscope II.