The other day, I was walking to the bus, listening to my iPod. All of a sudden, I felt a shock. IN MY EAR. And then, another shock, IN MY OTHER EAR. All at once, I was experiencing pain, and when I ripped the earbuds out of my ears, THEY WERE SPARKING. As I am not willing to put flame initiators anywhere on my body, especially in my ear canal, I headed for the Apple store.

I walked in the door, and a very hip, very trendy, very hot-jeaned girl with an electronic clipboard enthusiastically said, “How can I help you?”

“My earbuds are sparking. I know, I know – bizarre. Can I get new ones?”

The girl looked at me and asked, “Like, Apple ones?”

Stop it, sister. You did not just ask that.

“Yes. Yes, Apple earbuds.” From the Apple store that we are standing in.

“Sure – they’re over there.” She pointed me in the direction of the (yes, Apple) earbuds.

I walked over and took a look: $29. But shouldn’t my earbuds be covered under AppleCare? Especially if they are shooting explosive volts into my very sensitive ears?

No. No, they are not.

Now, let’s review. I have not had income since September 10. I have not been shopping since I left Seattle; I have spent money on gas and experiences, but have basically given up the acquisition of “new things.” For a girl who loves expensive clothes and good wine and all sorts of pretty things, this has been a great challenge. But I am learning to be content, and realizing that I have plenty of clothes to choose from already, and trying to be creative and resourceful. I make coffee at home. I have created a window valance out of a shawl. I am cutting back on my washcloth usage so I don’t have to do laundry as often.

But when things that I already have are being taken away from me? That is not at all a part of the plan.

I no longer have earbuds.

I dropped my camera on Friday night, and now it’s a lost cause. The camera repairman said that I might as well just buy a new camera, as it would cost just as much to repair it as it would to start afresh. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t take pictures. I am suddenly camera-less.

I returned from Seattle to Nashville, and found my suitcase zipper broken (aaaand it sliced open my hand).

I’m almost out of my favorite perfume.

And of course, the Honda remains one breakdown away from ultimate extinction. The muffler is hanging pretty low these days.

Which is why I am desperately curious to know: is this rumor of an extra $600 on my tax return true? Can anyone tell me? Am I getting an extra $600 back? Are we ALL? I don’t speak financial words. Just tell me, yes or no: is God choosing to bail me out via George W. Bush?

I believe in miracles.

Dear Potential Employer,

Congratulations! You are holding the invitation to employ me, Annie Parsons. This golden ticket is not easy to come by, as I am particular and discerning about my place of employment. Some might even call me picky – to which I respond, “In a good way.”

You might be wondering what it is about me that might warrant your consideration for hire. Ponder the facts:
1) I’m super fun. I liven up any office, and always have amusing stories to tell.
2) I mean it when I say I can do anything. Do you want a huge event planned? Done. Do you want the tiny details taken care of? No problem. Do you need a triple tall non-fat no-foam latte? That’s what I do.
3) By hiring me, you immediately inherit my internal encyclopedia of songs. This comes in handy if we ever go do office karaoke.

As for my know-how in your career field, well, that’s all relative, isn’t it? I’m like Barack Obama: what I lack in experience, I make up in charisma and charm. And these things are going to take me far.

I feel compelled to include a gratuitous word about my typing skills. You do not need to know how many words per minute I can type, as I do not want to appear arrogant. Suffice it to say that you might as well call me Mavis Beacon.

One more thing: my entire life, I have been awarded jobs without ever applying for them. People meet me and are overwhelmed by my skills and cute shoes, and then just put me on the payroll. I have never even had to write a cover letter! Obviously – duh.

Thank you for your consideration. If you want to find out more, then just friend me on Facebook.

Rock on,
Annie P.