If you’re like me, you’ve relied on Google Reader to aggregate all of the blogs you follow into one long list. With the recent (horrible) news that Google Reader is going away, I’m switching over to Bloglovin. Maybe you’ll want to do the same.
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, forget you ever read this.
As is the case with so many people in Nashville, we had been sort of peripherally acquainted for a while. We had a lot of mutual friends, had been in the same room a few times, lurked around each other’s internet spaces – but I wouldn’t say that I really knew Tim Mallon.
So you can imagine my surprise back in 2010 when I had just finished running the Country Music Half-Marathon and looked up to see Tim – internet-acquainted but real-life-unfamiliar – making a beeline for me. Sweaty and disgusting is not the state in which you want to have your first real in-person interaction with anyone, man or woman, but Tim was unfazed: he gave me a hug and, after talking for a few minutes, we concluded that we should continue the conversation.
So a week later, I met Tim and his brother Nathan for coffee at Frothy Monkey. It was pouring rain that Saturday. The rain would continue for two days, and by Monday, Nashville would be under water – but we didn’t know that yet. We were just enjoying casual conversation, learning about each other’s families and each other’s work and why they had started drinking unpasteurized milk. Tim and Nathan are disarmingly genuine. I wish everyone could meet them.
Somewhere in the conversation, Tim mentioned Shanna. “We’re talking,” he said. And just as I always do when I hear about a crush, I got excited. “You’re talking?” I asked. “You’re talking to Shanna? Shannalee the blogger Shanna?”
He grinned. “Yeah! Shanna and I are talking.”
At the time, I was a new reader of Food Loves Writing – I don’t remember how I came across it, but once I found it, I was hooked. So much more than a foodie blog, Shanna weaves stories from her life into her experiences in the kitchen – her perspective is compelling, her heart absolutely beautiful. And the food that she makes – oh my word. The recipes send me into guilt spirals for standing in front of the fridge picking store-bought rotisserie chicken straight off the carcass and calling it “dinner.” Everything about her site is lovely and worthwhile. She’s one of my favorite voices on the internet.
And I couldn’t believe the coincidence: Tim Mallon, the Tim Mallon sitting right across from me, was talking to Shanna!
I’m going to spoil the ending: they kept talking. Shanna moved from Chicago to Nashville, and they got married. I met her in real life, too – a picnic lunch at Sevier Park, where we talked about struggles and faith and where this life might be leading each of us. She is every bit as wonderful in person as she is online.
And now, she has written a book – a book about that period in her life when she and Tim were talking, getting to know each other, falling in love. Written Together is a quick but gorgeous read, a story interspersed with recipes and details and hope. Last week, I put on my pajamas and crawled into bed, started reading and didn’t stop until I finished it. I loved it.
And I just wanted to tell you.
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Written Together is available in both ebook and printed format. Shanna didn’t ask me to write about it – but if you want to support a couple who lives and loves in a way that is inspiring, I encourage you to get a copy or three.
… and we’re back.
I thought about making a video to give a glimpse into my life in November, but if I had, it would have been full of long, drawn out silences and artsy frames of my face staring off into nowhere. Trust me, I respect you more than to put you through that. The month was fairly quiet, nothing exploded, and I crossed off each day in my calendar as it passed.
It’s an odd thing we do, this virtual sharing of our lives. The internet is still a new frontier, and WE are the ones determining the etiquette – how much to tell, how vulnerable to be, what is meaningful, what isn’t. In real time, we are succeeding and failing and flying and flailing – and we’re often giving hundreds (if not thousands) of people a front row seat.
When it’s great, it’s really great. But when it’s not, it’s magnified.
As far as this blog is concerned, I’ve been playing it safe. Having once written from a very authentic place, I’ve been sharing less and less – and what I do share is surface-level, at best. I’ve wanted to maintain an image of having it all together – of being fine, even when I’m not. I’ve wanted to be cool and smart and witty; I’ve wanted you to like me. There, I said it.
I have spent years chasing excitement, adventure, and change – looking to validate my existence with various and sundry admirable feats. I’ve sought interruptions to the mundane, and solicited drama to avoid being bored with my life (or, more exactly, disappointed with my life).
But it turns out that what I’ve needed has not been an interruption of circumstances, but an interruption at the core of who I am.
These days, my sense of self is being torn apart in the best possible way. Oh, sure, it can feel like being put through a cheese grater, painful and terrifying, like the pieces could never possibly be put back together (unless they were melted in a microwave) (which doesn’t sound much better).
But it’s been SO GOOD, you guys. Humbling. Necessary. And it’s leading to good things.
In fact, Greta, who knows me better than just about anyone in the world, recently wrote to me, “I just feel like you’re leaving this very safe, very small, very familiar square of space and heading out into the biting air – and now you’re WALKING and FEELING and seeing things. I see you MOVING right now, more than you have in years.” What an encouragement to have someone who can recognize the things that we’re too close to see.
And how ironic that the acceptance of what I’ve historically thought of as an “ordinary” life could actually lead to much greater truths: freedom, clarity, peace.
I am still very much in process. I have jack-nothing figured out. But I am tired of holding my breath, hiding beneath the surface-level words posted in this space. I am ready to come up for air, no matter what it might look like, no matter who might see the inevitable thrashing (and you know there will be thrashing).
So thank you for being here, whoever you are. Your presence, even virtual, makes a difference to me. Our stories are meant to be shared – and I’m grateful to have a chance to share mine with you.
Nashville Miranda has been visiting this weekend, and on Saturday, we climbed Quandary Peak in our East Nasty shirts. Miranda did awesome, because she is a hoss, and this brings my 14er total to 13.
Depending on weather, I might climb yet another this coming weekend. It’s still in the 80s in Denver. I’m still waiting for fall.
On Saturday night, we saw the movie “Catfish.” Because the marketing scheme for the movie is “don’t tell anyone what it’s about,” far be it from me to spoil the plot. But I will contribute to the frenzy and tell you that it’s worth seeing. The internet is weird – so, so weird.
I talk to people on the phone all day at work, walking them through various Computer Things. Yesterday, while the customer’s internet connection was moving slowly and we were waiting for the page to pull up, she decided to make small talk. She asked me if I’d seen the pictures of the coyote that got hit by the racecar and stuck in the grill – apparently, it’s some amazing “It” email forward out in circulation.
I told her that no, I am out of touch these days. I don’t even know important things – like if the Taylors are dating – let alone the fate of would-be road-kill. I am the least “in the know” person around.
So she told me to Google it – to Google “coyote hit by car” – because the pictures are incredible.
Perhaps this goes without saying, and should have been obvious from the start, but THAT WAS THE WORST IDEA EVER AND DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU.
Life is changing all around me.
The weather is changing – yellow leaves swirling around in little cyclones on the streets, the clouds hanging heavy and low, no trace of humidity. The colors are dimmer, the smell, different. Fall has chased out the summer, and taken up residence in Nashville.
My focus is changing – not my heart (definitely not my heart), but what I am accepting, and moving forward with. This shift feels equal parts defeat and relief – defeat to think that nothing I have tried has worked, and relief to finally just stop with the trying. I just am these days – and that’s okay.
People are changing – growing older and falling in love and moving on from the way things were. Some of their dreams are coming into focus, and taking them in different directions. I feel alone – which is not necessarily the same as “lonely” – but nothing could or should be done to change that. It’s just this season, and the shape of current life.
In the midst of all of this change, this past weekend, I reconnected with a “sameness” in myself – that familiar old me that has been missing for awhile.
I met some friends who were new, and yet knew me. It was so strange – hugging complete strangers and feeling totally at home. We celebrated Todd and Juliette’s wedding, and shared stories from junior high, and explored Nashville, and laughed – honest and genuine and immodest laughter.
I fell in love with these people.
Todd and Julie were gorgeous – if you just imagine me out of each of these pictures, and splice them together, you will see.
Now it is Monday, and they are gone, and the merriment is over. But I have a ticket to an Alison Krauss show tonight, and a trip to Boston on Thursday, and a new 2010 calendar to write my plans in. Thankfully, those plans now include a trip to Austin in March for Joey and Sam’s wedding.
I keep scoring the invites!
But if you are using Internet Explorer and you CAN read this, then please disregard – the problem must be fixed? In any case, down with IE.
Let me tell you about a couple of great things that have happened. Warning: this post has no unifying thread aside from my two hands, my ten fingers, and my blathering brain churning it all out.
First of all, I had a perfect, flawless, divine flight experience on Monday. I thought that because it was Labor Day, travel would be a nightmare. But here are the amazing things about the day:
- When my parents drove me from Colorado Springs to the airport in Denver, we took E-470, a tollway – but all of the tollbooths were closed. Free!
- I made it through security in 10 minutes – probably because I had no frozen meat in my purse.
- DIA has free Wi-Fi, and I got one of the stools at the table where you can plug in your laptop.
- I met the aforementioned songwriters.
- I was reading Stephen King’s “On Writing,” which the songwriters noticed, and thought I was really cool for.
- The flight left on time.
- I had a free drink ticket, so I ordered a plastic cup of Chardonnay.
- The flight arrived early.
- My suitcase was the first one out at baggage claim.
Come on. All of those things NEVER happen all in the same day.
When I got home and discovered my driver’s license missing, I thought that my perfect day had been torpedoed. But the next morning, the airline called and told me that they had found it at security, and they were mailing it to me. Southwest Airlines, FTW!
Tangent:
my co-worker Danny recently told me
that one of his friends thought that
FTW stood for “for the wind.”
I laughed so hard, I snorted.
I’ve tried to tell my non-internetty friends,
and they don’t find it funny.
If you find it funny,
please validate me and tell me so.
If you don’t find it funny, well.
You’re probably using Internet Explorer.
Last night I went to the gym, and Tuesday nights at the gym are the best, because on Tuesday nights from 9-10pm, they play reruns of “The Office” on TBS. I spent an episode and a half on the elliptical machine, all alone, but allowing myself to LAUGH OUT LOUD whenever I wanted – which meant that I was laughing for 45 minutes straight.
Another tangent:
for the longest time,
my friend Joey thought that
LOL stood for “lots of love.”
This made me laugh, too.
I have had my buddy Del Barber’s songs running on repeat in my head for a couple of days now – and this is the furthest* thing from a problem. A few weeks ago, he and Dreadlock Dave stopped in Nashville to crash on the floor of the JAM House, and we had a regular hootenanny (hurray!) in the living room – Del and Neal and I taking turns playing songs.
It was so Nashville.
And finally, speaking of music, my EP is almost finished. October. Get ready.
*A free EP to the first person who knows the difference between “furthest” and “farthest.”
If there’s anything that I love about blogging, it’s the possibility of a connection.
And no, not just for me.
Did you know that two different couples have met in the comments section of this blog, and dated for a bit? I mean, people with NO prior association, and I had nothing to do with it – I didn’t even know it was happening until it was happening.
So, if nothing else, let that be a lesson to you: comment on blogs – you never know whose internet eye you’re going to catch with your wit and thumbnail picture.
Then again, you could wind up like me – just the ring-leading moron.
Anyway, she might be someone I have never met face-to-face. But people, Dawn is a Hootenannie reader – she is ONE OF US – and she is trying to get to Antarctica. I love her passion and enthusiasm for a place that so many of us think of as totally barren; this passion has led her to enter a contest in which the grand prize is a trip to the polar regions.
But she needs your votes!
Click here to vote for Dawn – to support someone you didn’t even know you were connected to – and help her dream come true. It will cost you nothing. And honestly (I’m channeling Ira Glass here), what kind of a person do you want to be? Someone who sits back assuming that someone else will do it for you – or a person of ACTION?
I might be putting words in her mouth now, but I am telling you that if you vote for her, she will bring you back a baby penguin.
Here at the Emma shop, some serious gems get forwarded along; after all, email IS our native tongue. As I am 1) a fan of the internet, and 2) feeling completely unoriginal 2) a giver, I thought I would pass along some of my favorites.
Brought to you by my co-workers:
1) The world’s most amazing movie trailer.
2) The Tone Matrix. I could do this for hours. Who am I kidding? I DO do this for hours.
3) If you get nightmares easily, do not look here.
I told you.
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My sister Becca put a spike through her face. Just one more example of how different we are… and how she can make absolutely anything look cute.
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Debbie’s curry hummus ranks among the top 5 things I have ever tasted.
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Whitney is a girl I’ve never met, but her writing is absolutely lovely. She left a comment on Monday’s post that I believe is worth highlighting:
“We do what we love because love stretches us even when it’s hard. Even when routine threatens our own boredom and we feel a lack of inspiration that threatens suffocation. We do what we love because love is the point, even and especially when we don’t feel it. Because loving and acting out of love when the feelings aren’t there reminds us that love isn’t a feeling, and we aren’t a chaos of emotion wrapped in a thin layer of skin. We continue to do what we love because, even if it’s music, even if it’s a relationship, even if it’s writing, even if it’s weaving, we remember that love isn’t about what we get out of it. Love teaches us, in desert, in valley, as well as mountaintop.”
I have this friend named Juliette.
We met through the internet.
I’ve met some of my favorite friends through the internet. Here is a sampling.
Whoa. If it’s possible to meet such attractive women through the internet, could I meet attractive guys? Why have I not signed up for eHarmony?
Anyway, this story is not about them.
It’s about her.
Juliette lives here in Nashville – well, Franklin, to be exact.
Franklin is where I did this.
(I know, it always has to be about me.)
BACK to her.
She’s wonderful. In my year and a half in Nashville, we’ve only hung out a handful of times, but she’s one of those people that you kind of wish you could hate but you can’t help but love – because she’s all these fabulous things like beautiful and creative and hilarious and talented and kind and really smart.
She makes this look cool.
The week that I lost my job, she treated me to wine & cheese at Rumours.
IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW, that is the way to my heart. That, and foot rubs. And men with good scruff. (Clarification: Juliette did not give me a foot rub, nor does she have scruff.)
But guess who does?
HER NEW FIANCE, TODD!!!!!!!
The girl is engaged.
And I am so, so excited for her. She deserves the best guy ever. And it sounds like Todd is.
I hope that through the various activities that surround weddings, I will be meeting Val and Dani and Joey soon.
(If you’re wondering what Joey looks like, well. He no longer believes in Facebook. Probably because internet strangers like me would go in and steal his pictures and post them on their blog.
But I have it on good authority that he looks exactly like this guy.)
I know Val, Dani, and Joey through the internet, too – although I’ve never met them. They’re some of Juliette’s best friends. I hope they will adopt me.
Sometimes, against all odds, people find each other. WE find each other. Congratulations, Julie-girl and Todd – and thanks to all of you internet people who have turned out to be awesome in real life, too.
