Tears

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On forgiveness

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

It’s amazing how quickly I, an alleged full-grown woman, can revert back to feeling like I did with other girls in elementary school: insecure, timid, and small.  Recently, a moment leapt out of nowhere and grabbed me by the throat, reducing me to those irrepressible tears that leave me shaky and sick to my stomach – because my feelings got hurt.

I am naturally a sensitive person, but I’m also fairly rational.  I don’t get my feelings hurt all that often – mainly because I am largely surrounded by pretty tremendous humans who rarely do or say mean-spirited things.

But when it does happen, it makes me feel so sad, and shocked, and ultimately, rejected.

How could I NOT cry?

But here is the difference between 9-year old Annie and today’s Annie: to forgive is to not let those feelings take root – even when they are justified.  To forgive is to deflect any feelings of insecurity catalyzed by those initial words.  To forgive is to let go of what is right, reasonable, and defensible – in favor of something entirely unsensible.

It’s hard work, forgiveness… but then again, isn’t it our very best option?  Isn’t it the easiest, most freeing thing we could possibly do – to simply let it go?

No one ever loses if no one is keeping score.

Waterworks

Thursday, February 5th, 2009

We are 12 days away from the dreaded transition to digital TV – although it’s not so much of a “transition” as it is a “bitch slap.” A belly-flop straight into the lavas of hell.

No, I did not purchase a converter box. It’s not that worth it to me. But I will miss my morning news shows – because what better way to wake up than with Diane and Robin, Chris and Sam? I could always go downstairs to our gigantic television of ungodly proportions, the one that’s hooked up to the cable signal. But in the morning, I prefer watching my tiny screen in the privacy of my Princess Tower Bedroom – in which there is no cable cord.

I have 12 more days of bliss.

This morning, I flipped from “Good Morning America” (my favorite) to “The Today Show” (my not-as-favorite, but more-favorite than “The Early Show”) just in time to see this story about Patrick Thibodeau. I bawled my eyes out. Involuntary crying. Not just hot eyes – HUGE crocodile tears spilling down my cheeks. Some things are just like that for me – I cannot, no matter how hard I try, keep it together.

Other things I cannot watch without crying:
– The last 10 minutes of “Homeward Bound”
– The final scene in any inspirational Disney sports movie (“Remember the Titans,” “Miracle,” “The Rookie”)
– Any movie that ends in the wild-animal-become-pet being returned to the wild
– The Oprah episode in which she reunites the long-separated Rwandan family
– Kerri Strug sticking the landing
– And as much as it pains me to admit it… “MOVE! THAT! BUS!!”

– – – – – – –

And now – the moment you’ve all been waiting for! Drumroll, please…

And the winner is:

My 8th comment was left by hollyandmeagan, but who’s to say whether it was Holly or Meagan? Whichever one of you borrows her roommate/bestfriend/co-blogger’s underwear, get ready for a beautiful Valentine made by Anna Marie. You should probably give it to your roommate/bestfriend/co-blogger.