Thoughts browsing by category


Tic-tac-toe, 5 in a row

Friday, May 28th, 2010

I am always making lists.  I cannot operate with out lists.  They make me feel productive and safe.

Why “safe”?  Don’t ask me these questions.  It’s how I FEEL.  I don’t need to have a REASON.  GAWL.

[When I was a teenager, “gawl” was my biggest expression of disgust.  I said it ALL THE TIME.  My siblings will still occasionally bring it up, throwing the word at me, faces all repulsed and contorted and dramatic.  Apparently, that is how they remember me at age 14.

I couldn’t help it, though – it wasn’t easy being SUPERIOR to EVERYONE.  In the UNIVERSE.  FOREVER.  INFINITY.  GAWL.]

Anyway, I just made a list of “actors I do not trust.”  I wrote it on a Post-It note.  It says:
Tom Cruise
Nicolas Cage
Charlie Sheen

And I felt like telling you.

Now, I feel it necessary to acknowledge that I might be wasting your time these days… but then again, you’re HERE, aren’t you?  Lurking in the shadows?  Creepily reading my thoughts?  Distractedly entertained for roughly 45 seconds every day this week?

Heeeyyy-ooooooh, it’s been awhile since I’ve gotten 5 in a row!  I should take myself out for a nice steak dinner.  Congrats, self.

I’m taking my ping-ponging thoughts elsewhere before someone loses an eye.  I’ll see you on Monday.

Don’t pretend like you won’t be back.  I love you.

I’ll be me and you be you.

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

In this life of trying to figure out who we are, when it comes down to it, we all just wind up being ourselves.

Rather than finding this discouraging, today, I find it freeing.

Little thoughts

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

I’m sorry that I don’t write about health care or anything important at all.

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I have an announcement to make:

I MADE A FRIEND!  I know, high-five.

His name is Chris – some of you out in blog land even know him – and he is a darling.  He came over for DiGiorno Pizza last night, and then I sent him home with cookies.

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Also, there’s this:

First Day from Annie Parsons on Vimeo.

That’s my mom and her neighbor boys on the first day of school in 1961.  So cute, huh?  I hope my kids have red hair.

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At the gym last night, I saw a very skinny girl walking through the weight machines toward the locker room with a gigantic pair of hedge shears.  Just needed to tell someone.

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My current favorite word is “bunk.”  You know, as in, “That’s a load of bunk!”  Also: bunk-beds. Also: bunko.

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On Monday night, I will be seeing Patty Griffin play at the Paramount Theater here in Denver.  And if you never hear from me again, it’s because she played “Goodbye” and I melted into a puddle and was soaked up by the sidewalk.

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I cannot believe that Miley Cyrus was the “mentor” on American Idol this week.

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I cannot believe that Miley Cyrus is famous, period.

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Do you have any idea how much I want a milkshake?

Maundering pondering :: redux

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

Man.  Yesterday’s post really took it out of me.  It’s not easy talking about my skivvies to the entire Internet.  I could hardly sleep last night, knowing that the words “bikini” and “thong” were just… OUT THERE.  Attached to MY HONORABLE NAME.

When it comes to entertainment value, anything that I say after yesterday’s post is only going to be a let down.  Nothing humiliating, bawdy, or awkward has happened in the last 24 hours – and even though I never set out with this as a goal, it seems as though “humor trumps dignity” is becoming my new creed.

Here’s a question: is this a plus-size model?


I DIDN’T THINK SO EITHER.  Sheesh, Macy’s.  For crying out loud.

Here’s another question: do you call them clementines, cuties, or satsumas?


Speaking of clementines, in another life, I am going to name my children Clementine, Sparrow, and Bluebell.  I can’t do it in THIS life, because what would people think?  But deep down, I love these names.  Maybe I should get some livestock – I could name a cow Bluebell, no questions asked.  When it comes to bovines, you can get away with anything.

Just watch “Food, Inc.

And… that’s all I’ve got today.


Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

On Sunday, while talking to my mom, one of my major insecurities fell out of my mouth.  Without the slightest hesitation, it slipped off my tongue – and landed right there on the coffee table.

“Where did you learn that?” she asked.  “Why do you feel that way about yourself?”

And for the past 36 hours, I’ve been thinking about the “reasons why.”  For an all-around self-confident girl, I’ve spent a lifetime banking reinforcements for a few stupid insecurities.

A few days ago, I got word that John Medina, a dear friend, former employer, and bona fide GENE CLONER was going to be speaking in Denver last night – so of course, I went.  I’ve heard John speak in Seattle many times about his research on the brain – how it works and what we know – but no matter how many times you hear him, he’s always engaging, entertaining, and brilliant.  It was so good to see a familiar face.

Last night, he said that research shows that it takes 3 reinforcements for the brain to learn something, and 50 to unlearn it.

For a girl like me with a lot to unlearn, those are some really bad odds.

Once again, it’s time to combat with a Hiroshima of Truth.

Staring out the window

Monday, October 19th, 2009

On my way back from Boston last night, flying between Chicago and Nashville, I looked out my window to the west.  The gloaming light was punctuated by the remains of the sunset, blazing melon and pink, both and the same, swirling like tie-dye.  As we headed further south, the colors settled into a solid stripe of vivid orange, dimming into a hazy rust, and then, eventually, just darkness.

I don’t know that I will ever shake my wanderlust.

A collection of thoughts

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Controversial foods that I happen to love:

Controversial foods that I happen to hate:

Cauliflower is the worst. It makes me think of cauliflower ear.

I have a serious addiction to chewing gum, but I ran out about 8 days ago, and have yet to buy a new pack. Every morning after my two cups of coffee, I reach for a piece of minty freshness, and realize that my purse is empty. I spend the rest of the day going through withdrawal. Why I don’t just go buy a new pack of gum is beyond me – maybe I’m trying to prove my ruggedness of spirit.

Speaking of spirit, last night, I mentioned my “melancholy spirit” to Zach, the friend from Seattle who now lives on the JAM house floor (JAMZ?). He told me to not to call it that – because there is a difference between “spirit” and “temperament,” and that my spirit is actually quite fiery. I think that’s true – and it was nice to hear from an outside source.

Also last night, I sang background vocals for one of PZC’s grad school projects – he set up a makeshift isolation booth in his closet, and I sang from there while he and Zach sat silently in chairs in the middle of the bedroom. Occasionally, one of Paul’s roommates would poke their head into the room and find us thusly. That thought is making me laugh today.

I go to Boston tomorrow. If Seattle is my true love, then Boston is my crush. Seattle is to Edward as Boston is to Jacob – although, no, I still have not finished “Eclipse,” so I don’t know how it’s all going to end, and who knows – maybe Bella will wind up with a werewolf after all. At this rate, I may never know. I don’t fully believe that she has “just friends” feelings for Jacob, no matter how many times her annoying narrative voice insists upon it. I kind of want to take the book with me on the plane, but what if I still don’t read it? It’s a huge, heavy, embarrassing novel to be toting around and flashing to strangers if I’m not actually going to read it.

But I want to know how it all ends.

Don’t tell me, though.

This is my brain

Friday, August 14th, 2009


No drugs required.

I have 5 different possible directions to take this post, all of which are saved as fragments of Word documents on my desktop.  I have been trying to write for days, but quite frankly, everything that is coming out is baloney.  All I can do is stare at the wall.

Y’all, I am exhausted.  And when I am exhausted, I get super pessimistic and woebegone.  Another car honks at me, and I burst into tears.  I find myself presented with chocolate peanut butter brownies, and immediately eat 4.  And then I eat half a frozen pizza.  And tortilla chips.  And maybe some cream cheese on a spoon.  My mind wanders when it should be focused, and I am serious when I should be playful. When I feel overwhelmed, human interaction is the first thing I cut out.  I criticize my body, my abilities, my decisions.

I do not like who I become when I am exhausted.  And I do not like how other people experience me when I am exhausted.

So I’ve been staying quiet.

I’ve been writing in this open venue long enough to know that there are certain things that I should not share.  There are certain times that I should not write publicly.  There are certain emotions that should not be accessible to just anyone.

I make my insides far too available.

But I’m learning to protect my heart, trusting it only to those who have earned it.

So forgive my silence as a simple act of self-preservation.

Thoughts for a Thursday

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

Let me just get it out: I feel like a terrible blogger these days.

Okay, now I feel better.

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Saturday is the 6th annual Tomato Art Fest in East Nashville.  This is of note for 3 reasons:

1)    Sound the trumpets: I am making my triumphant return to running, as I’ve registered for the 5K in the early morning.  Nashville Miranda and I plan to run together and catch up about life – and if that means running 15-minute miles, so be it.
2)    I’ll be singing backup for the beautiful, the talented, the VOICE – Wendy Jans, at 12:45pm on the main stage.  It’s supposed to be 96 degrees out.  So much for glamour, and/or happiness in general.  But seriously – come hear this woman!
3)    At 3pm, Seth will be entering the Red Head Contest.  For those of you who have had the honor of beholding Seth’s gorgeous (and all natural) locks, you know that he is going to win that ribbon.  He will hold the title of “Tomato Red” soon enough.

Also, I just love tomatoes.  They’re so fat and wonderful.

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I wish we said the same thing about humans, because I have some amazing birthday cheeses in my fridge.

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“Amnesty” is just another word for “grace,” and I think that deep down, that’s why we are so moved over the story of Laura Ling and Euna Lee.  It makes me cry to think about them being pardoned and allowed to return home – mostly because it reminds me of the undeserved kindness and generosity I have been shown in my own life.

Sometimes, I feel just like those girls.

Snippets and glimpses

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

I try to avoid posts like this, because I don’t want to assume that people other than my mom are interested in the minutia of my every day life.  But the truth is that my creativity, energy, and brainpower are currently being channeled elsewhere, and I cannot find the time nor the lucidity to pull together anything semi-intelligent-sounding.

Although I did say “lucidity.”  So.  There’s that.

–    I’m going to the Y every night around 8:30 or 9, and I have rediscovered my love of working out at night, like I did when I lived in Seattle.  It’s amazing, and fits with my natural clock and rhythm.
–    I am approaching the 4-month marker in my new job, and let me just say that starting a job in which one has no previous experience is difficult.  I hate not feeling completely competent, and my brain is saturated with new information every single day.  But I am working hard, and starting to feel like I sort of comprehend what’s going on – not to mention, I work with some very wonderful people (SHOUT OUT, Emma!).  So, heigh-ho.
–    The Facebook fast is going well, and is enabling me to have somewhat of a “soul sabbatical.”  I was worried that apart from Facebook, I wouldn’t know what’s happening in the world – but actually?  It’s kind of nice not to know.  (Unless there is something important going on in YOUR life that I should know about – in which case, please tell me!)
–    Without a steady stream of Facebook notifications being sent to my inbox, I get basically zero emails anymore – but the few that I do get are amazing.  Val writes particularly sensational messages.  We’ve had quite the volley of emails going back and forth this week.
–    For those of you who ARE on Facebook, you should look up Souder Photography.  Their stuff is pretty amazing, and you might see a familiar face in the Musicians/Artists album…
–    For the first time since November, I have the beginnings of some new songs – and this makes me so happy, I cannot even say.
–    Some recent keywords that have led people to this blog: “how could a man make a woman feel more feminine,” “flirting her hanky,” and “by myself housesitter mirror pants.”  What am I writing about?  And why on earth are you still here?
–    I cannot believe I’m saying this, but yesterday, I was so thankful that I lived in Nashville instead of Seattle.
–    Tonight, I’m flying to California for another wedding – this time, my friend Sheryl and her Ukrainian sweetie, Vadym.  For almost 2 years, I thought that Vadym’s name was Roma.  I have no idea how that happened, but there it is.  I’ve known Sheryl for 25 years; for you mathematicians, that is 92.5% of my life.

I’ll be back next week to regale you with stories from the weekend – vodka toasts and… whatever else I learn to be particularly “Ukrainian.”