There are certain words and phrases that I do not – and will never – allow in my vocabulary.
The first thing is using “boo” as a term of endearment. I have plenty of sweet, intelligent, fabulous friends who call their friends and/or significant others “boo,” and while I still love them, every time they do, I die a little inside. You might argue that this is because I don’t have a significant other (thank you for the reminder), but trust me – the minute I’m no longer between boyfriends, I will feel just as strongly as I do today.
The next thing is calling a girl friend “lady.” I think that my least favorite way to be greeted is “Heeeyyyyy, lady!” This happens all the time. ALL THE TIME. If you’re a girl (or, as a friend reminded me the other day, a gay man), start listening for it – and just try to not cringe.
When Americans fly to Europe – specifically the UK – and they say they’re going to “hop the pond,” I’m torn between a strong desire to roll my eyes or to punch them in the face. It’s not a pond, it’s the Atlantic Ocean. I can’t think of a really good reason for me to get so worked up about this one, but it just bugs me, okay? It reminds me of that oft-used Australian phrase, “Let’s put another shrimp on the bar-b!” that probably no one in Australia has ever actually said.
I will never shorten “totally” to “totes.”
Or “adorable” to “adorbs.”
Therefore, “totes adorbs” shall never pass my lips.
I probably have a ton of other words and phrases that I could find something wrong with or annoying about, because as my family can well attest to, one of my most natural states is “opinionated irritation.” And maybe I’m getting all hot and bothered for no good reason, since, hello – they’re just words.
But so far this morning, I’ve had to clean up dog poop from the carpet and then kill a spider that I found CRAWLING UP MY SWEATSHIRT, so I think I should be allowed to simply mention some words that annoy me. I don’t know how one justifies the other, but it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.