I’ve heard it said that “courage” is being the only person in the world who knows that you’re scared to death. Well, I suppose I’m blowing my cover. Tonight, I just feel a little bit scared.

I feel scared of failure. Of running out of money. Of never finding a place to live. Of making the wrong decisions. Of pursuing my dreams. Of not pursuing my dreams. Of getting cancer while I don’t have medical insurance. Of my car exploding. Of people being mad at me. Of gaining a million pounds. Of being alone. Of never living in Seattle again. Of never living near my family again. Of disappointing people.

Of caring too much.

Of caring too little.


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  1. Nicolas Frisby on February 4, 2008 at 11:54 PM

    Fear is the fine layer of sweat and flowing blood after a solid run. It’s an indication that you’re living life. That you’re embracing, harnessing the unknown and scratching tooth and nail for the marrow.

    The joie de vivre is the cool side of the pillow – you can’t have it without the sweaty warm side.

  2. MarijkeJane on February 5, 2008 at 12:32 AM

    I’m pretty sure I live my life out of a framework of fear. Pretty sure this has got to change… Facing fear is definitely a sign of courage! Who cares if people know it?

  3. Kate on February 5, 2008 at 12:54 AM

    if only more people in life were afraid the way you are…

  4. Sally on February 5, 2008 at 1:02 AM

    I cannot wait to know what it will be like to live without any fear. I don’t know that we’ll know that competely this side of heaven. I look forward to that so much. That and my first nap in heaven while Jesus hold my head, smooths my hair and tells me that it’s finally okay.

    I have recently heard someone say that when we are worried or afraid of what the future holds it’s because there’s something about Father that we don’t understand.

    Thanks for sharing. It makes the journey less lonely.

  5. Miranda on February 5, 2008 at 1:39 AM

    It is brave to say you’re scared. I am too.

  6. Greta on February 5, 2008 at 11:11 AM

    Oh Annie… I still think you are so brave. You’re like one of those little guys up against the crazy steroided American Gladiators. And you have the little red helmet on. And they are throwing giant darts at you, but you are hiding behind the foam wall and are going to beat them at their own silly game, because you have the rocks and the sling shot. :)

    At the end of the day, no matter what happens, know that you have a net of people that are ready to catch you should the need ever arise, and that you have a God making sure it won’t.

    LOVE you.

  7. graham r on February 5, 2008 at 3:50 PM

    greta… i appreciate the mixed metaphor between American Gladiators and David & Goliath. you’re right: in that situation, i’d much rather have rocks & a sling than lame foam darts. AND i wouldnt have to wear a singlet!

    i agree with mr. frisby-laird (why don’t yall hyphenate man… 1 + 1 = 3, remember?!?), i dont think we’re supposed to be ruled by fear, but truly living means we’ll bump up into fear and fear-enducing situations.

    and frankly, the adventure youre on Annie, is truly living!

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