A title that fits

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In a grand twist of events, I found myself dining last night at the Eastland Café with my two roommates, one of their mothers, and two strangers. I had the duck. I love duck.

The strangers quickly became friends. I fell in love with these women.

I heard their stories – what brought them to Nashville, what gives them joy, what they are learning at this stage in their lives. And in turn, they asked me insightful questions – ones that, when I answered, gave me a certain familiarity with myself that I didn’t have before.

Among other things, they asked me about my musical ambitions. I sighed, and told them what I have been thinking lately: I have been so tempted to just quit doing music. To “retire.” To stop frantically scrambling for ideas, and no longer have to answer the question, “So, do you have any shows coming up?” I’ve been discouraged, and creatively dry, and lacking inspiration. Nashville is a great place to enjoy music, but a daunting place to make it. Everyone is good. The mailman is good.

But, I know, I know. The comparison game is completely feckless and futile. I’m learning this. I may be slow, but I AM learning this.

And so I opened up with these women, and told them that I’ve quietly started work on an album – what will wind up being a 6-7 song EP. It’s my first “official” recording project beyond simple demos, and will take awhile to complete since it is self-funded. But the timing is right, and the cost is worth it to me.

I’ve been looking for “a reason” to make a record – a logical justification for it, like, “Oh, I’ll make some money,” or “Oh, this will help me get a publishing deal,” or “Oh, a CD will make me a legitimate songwriter.” But when it comes down to it, my main motivation is this:

I wrote some songs, and I think it’s time for them to be heard.

That’s all.

And in that moment, one of these women reiterated what my mom had said to me earlier in the day: “That makes you an artist.”

After all of my soul-searching and wheel-spinning and worrying that I don’t know what I am doing with my life. After months of despondency and sleepless nights. After a lack of direction, and a desire for definition. After a lot of prayers. I still don’t have all the answers, but…

Finally. A title that fits.

Stay tuned.

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11 Comments

  1. Anna Marie Seymour on February 4, 2009 at 11:24 AM

    i think it’s the fear of “people finding out we are a fake” or our creations being rejected that makes it so hard to just do the work and then put it out there! It’s such a paradox, because when i actually DO create I realize the freedom that it offers to me! But when I don’t I get all bound up in these fears about it!
    madeleine l’engle says:
    “It is the nature of love to create,and no matter what we do to creation, that love is still there,
    creating…in you;in me.”

    i like this quite a lot.
    be well today, annie!

  2. Emily on February 4, 2009 at 11:30 AM

    Annie the artist!

    Indeed friend. Create simply because there is beauty inside of you to share with the world.

  3. {Jodie} on February 4, 2009 at 12:31 PM

    You have such a way with words. Surely that spills into your music, because it’s in you. How can that not be magic?

  4. Marijke on February 4, 2009 at 1:21 PM

    I am shocked that, according to your post, you have never fully thought of yourself as an “artist” before! OF COURSE you are an artist. You create beautiful things and whether it is a hobby, a laborsome career, or a ticket to stardom, people DO deserve to hear (and read) what you write. Don’t give up. :)

  5. Tad on February 4, 2009 at 1:59 PM

    I’m so happy that you have reached a place of some clarity.

    I hope embrasing your new “Title” brings you some peace.

    You have painter’s perception, a poet’s expression, and a lover’s heart.

    I think you will be an amazing artist. People will come from miles around to hear your songs, even if you are not the headliner.

  6. Gina on February 4, 2009 at 9:12 PM

    feckless is a pretty sweet word

  7. THE PARSONS on February 4, 2009 at 10:14 PM

    BEAUTIFUL! So inspiring, annie, and an amazing place to be! I thought of you today as the words in my head went something like this (sing the orchestra part) “…and do I help them? yes I do!” love you! -ash

  8. THE PARSONS on February 4, 2009 at 10:17 PM

    revision to last comment: “and do I help them? yes, indeed!” blame Jer for the slight Ursula slip up. ;)

  9. Case and Los on February 4, 2009 at 11:30 PM

    I’m calling it your AP, not EP, fyi:)

  10. Paul on February 5, 2009 at 9:08 AM

    I cried when I read this. Without trying, just cried. It makes me so happy to hear you say “artist.” When I used to talk about Mack the border collie, do you remember what Elisabeth Elliot said about him and his shepherd? “that’s what I want to talk about this evening – two beings who in ever sense of the word were in their glory. This is what they were made for. This is why they were on earth. And it was a marvelous thing to see. . “

    You were made to live into the glory for which He made you. And that seems to mean artist.

  11. Annie Peterson on February 5, 2009 at 1:01 PM

    I would love to hear your music!

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