The plan (or lack thereof)
First things first.
Did anyone else notice that they said “hootenanny” last night during “Lost”? My name was said on national television! I AM SO TOTALLY FAMOUS!!!
Next things next.
Last night as I was dying my hair, it hit me: I am a responsible and intelligent girl, not one to slack and make bad financial decisions… and maybe it was the ammonia, but… I don’t think I’m going to get a job for a while.
Since I ended my tenure as the Temptress, I have felt a burden lifted – a heavy weight that I didn’t recognize was there, since I was too busy convincing myself to be grateful for a job at all. But once I walked out of those heavy glass doors, box of possessions in hand, I felt it: I could breathe.
For the last two weeks, I have felt so light, so buoyant, so UNLIKE 2008 ANNIE. I am realizing that over the past year, I had been so entrenched in the daily grind that I had lost the part of me that I rather like – the part that says things like, “Tell me about your day,” and “How are you doing?” and “I’d love to get together!” and “Yes, 10am sounds perfect,” and “Sure, let’s drive to Pennsylvania.” Instead, there were a lot of grunts and frowns and silences.
There were also a lot of Facebook video wall posts, which was always a little bit awkward the next day.
Obviously, I cannot and will not stay jobless forever. I’m too high-maintenance, and I know it. One of these days, I’m going to snap, and scream, “Give me Aveda! NO MORE SUAVE!” But until then, I will be engaging in a season of Survivor: Nashville. I am allowing my spirit to take a deep breath, living much more simply, and finding creative solutions to my financial problems (and yes indeed, of course, there are problems).
I’m going to take advantage of this time and drive to Kansas City next week to help my family during a period of major transition. I’m going to spend some days working on my EP. I’m going to stretch something called my IT band, which I didn’t even know I had – until it got terribly inflamed and rendered me semi-crippled. I’m going to continue applying for jobs. And I’m going to hope and pray that the right position will come along at the right time.
A foolish risk? Perhaps. Worth it? I hope.
In the meantime, you should see my hair. It is dyed. It is fabulous. It is foxy. It is… exactly the color it was before.