Ready or not
One of the East Nasties has a bumper sticker that says “Run Happy.”
I don’t. Run happy, that is.
Some people are built to run – I am not. I really do not enjoy running. Even after dedicating myself for months, pulling myself out of bed every Saturday AND Sunday morning, and watching my mileage go up and up and up, I still don’t LIKE to run – especially because I never got the runner’s booty of my dreams.
But after months and months of training, the Country Music Half-Marathon is upon us. The starting line is in sight. The gun fires (or whatever it is they’ll do – fog horn? yell really loud? I’m going to yell really loud) at 7am tomorrow.
I’ve been having stress dreams about it – that I show up and don’t have my number, or my shoes have no laces, or it’s 90 degrees outside. That’s maybe my biggest actual fear about tomorrow – that it’s going to be really hot, which is not only a possibility, but the forecasted reality. It is unseasonably warm in Nashville right now. Even though I don’t enjoy it, I can TOLERATE running – unless it’s hot outside. Then it’s truly miserable – if not impossible.
I am terrified that I’m not going to succeed – that it’s going to be too hard, too far, that all of my hard work won’t have been enough. And at this point, it’s truly a case of mind over matter: my body is strong. I’ve put in the training. I know that I CAN run 13.1 consecutive miles. But my brain isn’t so sure about it – and as soon as I let those thoughts start creeping in – I’m tired, I can’t do this, this is too hard – then it’s over. I quit.
But then, I have to remember that before October, the furthest I had ever run was one lap around Green Lake in Seattle. And the fact that I can run 5 miles, let alone 11.2 (which was my longest training run), is ridiculously amazing. I’ve spent the past 4 months training with an incredible group of people of all running abilities – people who have encouraged me and pushed me – and it’s a very cool thing to be a part of something larger than myself.
And there’s no way to say this without sounding completely cheesy, so I’m just going to say it: everyone who has trained for this race is already a winner.
AAAAAAGH I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!
I hereby fire myself as the writer of this blog.
But truly, ready or not. Tomorrow it is. I’ve worked too hard to give up now. May my will be as strong as my legs.