December 30


Today is the penultimate day of the year, the second-to-last, one that is forever burned into my brain like a brand.

One year later, and I’m no closer to understanding “why.”  I don’t think I ever will.

I said it last year, and I’ll say it again: God is good.  But life’s a bitch.

All I can pray is that the words of Psalm 34:18 are true: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  I hope that is true.  If God is close to those who cry, then he must be very, very near today.

Jeff, Carin, and Ryan – and the Towne and Bushnell clans – all my love.



  1. Erica on December 30, 2009 at 12:52 PM

    “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” – Deuteronomy 31:8

    Also true…Hang in there Annie.

  2. sarah on December 30, 2009 at 1:03 PM

    i LOVE psalm 34.. i wrote a song based on that a long time ago and it still speaks true to hard times. also, you are right. life is a bitch. but that’s why we have the Lord :)

  3. Greta on December 30, 2009 at 8:32 PM

    It’s funny, I’ve been reading through all my sophomore’s essays, where I asked them to compare one aspect of Greek mythology to Christianity. So many of them wrote about how, “The Greek gods were petty and mean and treated humans like toys, but our God always answers prayers and is kind and loves us. He is always close.”

    I read those, and part of me loves the simple truth they state, but another part of me thinks of stories like the Towne’s and my heart aches for these kids, knowing that, sooner or later, LIFE will hit them and then they’ll wonder what happened to the God they believed in.

    He is big enough to fulfill every expectation, and He is big enough to defy them… And I suppose He is big enough to do one when we desperately want Him to do the other. I don’t understand Him sometimes.

    But, I believe He is who He says He is, and I will yet praise Him.

    Carin, Jeff– I’m praying for you both.

  4. Nicola on December 30, 2009 at 10:33 PM

    I’ve been thinking a lot about a lot of things today.
    And the one phrase going around in my head “oh how He loves us”.
    But oh so difficult to believe sometimes when we remember that our littlest friend but biggest hero isn’t here to “hi-five” anymore.

    It sucks. Cancer sucks. Life can be a bitch. But thank God that He is who He is. Because that’s sometimes all we can cling onto.

    I hate that the one time in life we actually met after YEARS of intertwined connections was at Ben’s memorial. But at the same time I’m glad I got to hug you that day.

    The tears are falling. But as Greta (who i believe I’ve met twice – hello!) says..”I will yet praise Him”.

    love. just love.

  5. Katie on December 31, 2009 at 12:08 PM

    Sending you hugs, Annie, because there are no words.

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