Some thoughts on grief


“As long as I kept moving, my grief streamed out behind me like a swimmer’s long hair in water.  I knew the weight was there but it didn’t touch me.  Only when I stopped did the slick, dark stuff of it come floating around my face, catching my arms and throat till I began to drown.  So I just didn’t stop.

The substance of grief is not imaginary.  It’s as real as rope or the absence of air, and like both those things it can kill.  My body understood there was no safe place for me to be. (The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver)

– – – – – – – –

I love the way that this woman writes.  My body understood there was no safe place for me to be.  That is grief in its truest, most potent form.

I am finding in the most concrete way of my entire life that there is absolutely no hope apart from Jesus.

This is not a “Christian blog” in the same way that some are – I tend to write more about my hair and my bras and my couch than I do about my faith.  I know that a lot of you reading this do not believe the same things that I do, and let’s be honest – talking about pop culture and music and whatever tomfoolery I got into over the weekend is usually more fun than a bible study.

But in the midst of it all, and above it all, I believe in Jesus – in redemption, in healing, in grace.  As much as my hesitant heart fights it, I believe that God loves us and has good plans for our lives.  That is my bedrock.

So when I hit rock bottom, standing on that bedrock is a good place to be.

The grief is still there, and the substance of it is so real that I’m afraid it will strangle me – but grace is flowing downhill, and pooling in the darkest places of my life.  It is taking on the weight of my pain, lifting the burden from my head, and moving me forward.


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  1. Mandy on June 9, 2010 at 1:17 PM

    Annie, you don’t know me but you and your blog encourage me. You inspire me, you put words to what I am unable to. I love all your tomfoolery but I love it that you love Jesus more.

  2. Amanda W on June 9, 2010 at 3:01 PM

    Our blogs are thinking alike this week. And you know what they say.

    Looking forward to our blind date in 2 weeks.

  3. Tim on June 9, 2010 at 3:52 PM


  4. Greta on June 9, 2010 at 4:34 PM

    Oh Annie… this is gorgeous. Amen.

  5. Another Mandy on June 9, 2010 at 6:05 PM

    The first Mandy wrote just what I am thinking. So, ditto. Thank you for your writing and encouragement, from another Mandy you don’t know :)

  6. Nikki on June 10, 2010 at 5:34 AM

    I’ve been in a real funk lately and trying hard to push myself out of it. I felt like God kept saying to me as I was lying on the couch, “Get up!” Then later in the week (the first time I had read my Bible in weeks) I came across the story of the sick man beside the pool that Jesus healed. He looked at that man and said, “Get up and make up your bed.”

    This is another reminder that I need to get my tucas up because my hope is in Him.

  7. Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams on June 10, 2010 at 7:53 AM

    This is beautiful, Annie. Amen. (PS: I love Barbara Kingsolver too.)

  8. [not the] Best Blog Ever on June 10, 2010 at 11:14 AM

    “Trust and obey
    there is no other way
    to be happy in Jesus
    but to trust and obey.”


  9. hootenannie » Blog Archive » Tonight on February 25, 2011 at 9:14 AM

    […] people than just myself, so I won’t say much.  But this is something that began all the way back here – and now, over 8 months later, my heart is torn down the middle like a paper […]

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