Losing my eyesight, and my mind


Back in mid-June, I got pink eye — or if I want to sound older than a fourth grader, conjunctivitis. It was gross and ugly and uncomfortable and all of those things that you remember your childhood pink eye to be. I looked like I had been crying all the time, which, if you know me, isn’t all that hard to believe.

After a week with a goopy red eye and unusual blurry vision, I finally went to the MinuteClinic and got a prescription eye drop (EYE DROP #1). “The infection should be gone within 2-4 days,” the nurse practitioner told me. “If it isn’t, you need to see an ophthalmologist.”

Well, wouldn’t you know, I’m the lucky star who just couldn’t shake my conjunctivitis. So, after two weeks of pink eye, to the ophthalmologist I went. He did some tests, and discovered my cornea to be “incredibly infected.” He gave me a stronger eye drop (EYE DROP #2), and said that my affliction should be over within a week.

In the meantime, he checked my vision — something that historically had never been a problem for me, although things have been blurry lately — and, well, I NEED GLASSES. The doctor scheduled me to come back for another exam two weeks later, giving the drops a chance to work their magic, just in case my failing eyesight was at all tied to this sexy eye infection.

So ten days ago, I went back to the doctor for the follow-up exam. And because Annie Parsons is no quitter, the infection is STILL THERE. Surely I have broken some sort of record for “most consecutive days with a rotting eyeball.” He measured my eyesight again and still found it to be worthy of glasses, but gave me another prescription drop (EYE DROP #3), and asked me to come back in three weeks with a (hopefully) healed cornea. Late next week, I’ll return to pay a fourth co-pay for what I hope is my final exam, and walk out with a script for glasses.


As established, I have now been prescribed three different eye drops of various strength. The bottles all look pretty much the same, but I’ve been good at keeping them straight.

Until yesterday.

“Where did this fourth bottle come from?” I wondered. I mentally ticked back through my doctor’s visits, counting one, then two, then three prescriptions. There was not a fourth. Why did I have four bottles of eye drops?

Suddenly, all of the air sucked out of the room. The ground opened up beneath me and the earth swallowed me whole.

I remembered.

Two weeks ago, her eye had been goopy. I’d scrounged around through her stash of medicine from the past three years, and found her eye drops. The bottle looked the same as mine.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been using Foxy’s… expired… eye drops.

I don’t deserve to be an adult.




  1. susan parsons on August 1, 2016 at 10:58 AM

    Okay – I GASPED at this one. But you come by it naturally. I think my dad used to take dog antibiotics to save a few bucks.

  2. Andrea on August 1, 2016 at 11:03 AM

    I also gasped. Oh, Annie.

  3. Delaney on August 1, 2016 at 11:15 AM

    I laughed LOUDLY out loud at my desk. I even sort of saw it coming, but oh my god, Annie, you do beat all. (That’s a quote from the Tall Tales and Legends episode about Annie Oakley, starring Jamie Lee Curtis, which you should absolutely see if you haven’t already…)

  4. Michael on August 1, 2016 at 11:16 AM

    My dear friend…I hope you get well, soon. And hey, it shows how much you love Foxy: nothing goes in her eye that wouldn’t go in yours. You know somebody had to go there. Much love and prayers for healing.

  5. Laura on August 1, 2016 at 11:36 AM

    Hahaha! You are the best kind of adult – funny and able to laugh about life.

  6. Julianne on August 1, 2016 at 11:47 AM

    Oh my, too funny. Also: are you using the same eye make-up? If so, you might be re-infecting yourself. Hope it heals soon! (Jon and I had it on vacation a few years back–now whenever I feel like I have something in my eye, I start to panic. And..my eye just started itching while typing this!)

  7. Joey on August 1, 2016 at 12:06 PM

    Hype horn for pinkeye!

  8. Dmorales on August 1, 2016 at 12:57 PM

    Silver water is the best it cures everything

  9. David on August 1, 2016 at 1:02 PM

    Annie, your stories are always the best. Hope you’re well

  10. ruth t on August 1, 2016 at 2:00 PM

    you are just the cutest ever! ?

  11. Patty Bradley on August 1, 2016 at 2:29 PM

    Hope you’re doing okay and healing FAST!!! Take care….BOTH of you Cuties!

  12. Ken mcnichols on August 1, 2016 at 2:49 PM

    Great story! Thanks for sharing!

  13. Greta on August 1, 2016 at 3:47 PM

    Oooohh…. DANG it!!! That is terrible!

    One tiny good thing: it is summer, and you look glam in the sunglasses.

    But this does not make Foxy’s expired eye drops any better. So sorry!

  14. Leigh Kramer on August 1, 2016 at 7:41 PM

    Nooooooooo!!!! OMG

  15. Mark Allman on August 2, 2016 at 1:02 PM

    Maybe you should have tried his first…. well at least if he has a problem in the near future you got 3 options for him!!!

  16. Allison on August 2, 2016 at 8:52 PM


  17. Alison Moore on August 2, 2016 at 11:49 PM

    FYI for the future, if you happen to take a dog incontence pill – there are no repercussions for a human. (According to my sister ?) Get well sweet Annie !

  18. Alison Moore on August 3, 2016 at 12:33 PM

    oops – meant incontinence :)

  19. Sarah on August 4, 2016 at 7:04 AM

    I hope your eye is starting to clear up – that’s a long time to be battling pink eye.

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