The land for which I’m meant

For being a self-proclaimed control freak, there are a lot of things about my life that I did not plan, that I could not have planned.

I’ve experienced:
unachieved goals
unanswered prayers
unfulfilled dreams
mistakes
defeats
derailments
dead ends

I’m sure I’m no different from anyone reading this when I say that I have not always gotten what I wanted.

But I’ve also experienced:
surprises
provisions
little graces
big graces
friendships
victories
adventures

I don’t understand it.  I can’t see the pattern or the grand design, and I have no idea where this life will lead – is leading.  Half the time, I am bumbling around in the darkness, just praying that I don’t stumble off a cliff and splatter at the bottom of the canyon like an egg.

But even in the midst of the confusion, I can recognize that there are things to be thankful for.

• I am so thankful that somehow – somehow – I live in Denver, Colorado.
• I am so thankful that my family is, for all of our brokenness, made up of the people who are in it.
• I am so thankful that I have a body that works, that will run me 13.1 miles in Seattle on Sunday.
• I am so thankful that I work for an amazing company in a job that provides me with enough (more than enough, come on) income.
• I am so thankful for car insurance and that the fact that my car was stolen means that I am lucky enough to own a vehicle at all.
• I am so thankful for the friendships that have carried me, encouraged me, and sustained me.
• I am so thankful I did not marry any of the men I thought that maybe I could have married.
• I am so thankful for my cities – Seattle, Nashville, and Denver – and that all three are equally “home.”
• I am so thankful that my plans are not The Plan.

I am so thankful for the twists and turns, the things I could not have predicted, the “no”s when I wanted “yes”s, the tears when I wanted joy, the loneliness when I wanted companionship, all of which have propelled me further down the tracks through the land for which I’m meant.

And I’m thankful for you, known and unknown readers, my companions on this written journey.  I wish I could bake each of you a pie.

Happy Thanksgiving.  May our hearts overflow with gratitude even for the things that we don’t understand.