The tedious act of occupation

My blogging idol, Dooce, used to blog about her workplace. However, she has also warned, “BE YE NOT SO STUPID,” as this fatal move was the kiss of death for her career, careening her down the path of being fired, having her name slandered, and creating many enemies.

I guess I’ll take my chances.

I will take my chances because, for the most part, my job is great. I have no need to cut down my co-workers or blaspheme my boss, I enjoy many parts of what I do, and ultimately, I am quitting in less than 6 weeks. It’s just that today… today, oh people, today, I am sooooooooo bored.

Everyone is out of the office on vacation – everyone in this great, wide church of 180 employees. I sit in my cubicle, to-do list fulfilled, no emails rolling in, nothing of note happening on the Facebook, every article on The Onion read, the assurance that I am no one’s Missed Connection on Craigslist, and the sun shining away outside. My brain is filled with nothing, and yet all sorts of everything.

When the brain is not stimulated, it is amazing what sorts of imaginary scenarios come into play. For example, while sealing an envelope today, I thought, “I shouldn’t lick the seal – they’ll be able to trace my saliva.” Or when the paper was jammed in the copy machine, my experience as the Xerox Whisperer led me to send all sorts of soothing thoughts to the mammoth machine until it cooperated. As I began filing away an entire month’s worth of music, I imagined that I was in a Presbyterian Concentration Camp and my very life depended on the expedience of my filing abilities.

This, too, shall pass. Until then, I will try to keep from chopping my own hand off with the paper-cutter.