A report from the Island of Woebegone
We interrupt this 4-day series to bring you a special report.
Annie Parsons, the author of this blog, is feeling emotionally despondent.
Many things are to blame for this current lack of enthusiasm about life. It all started with her DNA strand, making her exceptionally susceptible to The Funk. But genetics are not fully at fault, as Annie has clawed her way back up the downward spiral many times before. No – this is different. This is largely a CIRCUMSTANTIAL downheartedness.
Consider the facts:
– Annie hates change.
– Annie hates transition.
– Annie loves feeling in control.
And:
– Annie’s life has been nothing but change lately.
– Annie’s life has been in constant transition for at least 9-months now.
– Annie feels out of control.
In a recent message to a friend, Annie said,
“It’s like this: the minute [this season of life began], someone pulled the plug at the bottom of my spirit. Everything felt fine for the first little bit, but now, all of a sudden, I’m like, I’M SPIRITUALLY BANKRUPT! HELP ME! HEEELLLLP MEEEEEE!! This [season] has felt equivalent to a month of Sundays. Actually, no – a month of Mondays, with PMS, and really bad hair. And I want to run screaming out the door.”
Annie knows that she will be alright. She always is. But today, she is praying for some little miracle, some small hopeful sign that will lift her spirits. She realizes that this is a prayer worth praying, because the last time that she prayed this prayer – in the midst of a heart-shredding day last year – she found out that there was an H&M a few blocks from the place she was staying.
In the meantime, she is putting one foot in front of the other.
My apologies for the virtual soul-barf of this post. I wish that I could be peppy all the time, and spread warmth and goodness and bubbles everywhere I go. But for right now, this is where I am. I hesitate in posting my gloom for you all to read, but I know that it’s important for me to write, even when it’s ugly. Thanks for reading despite my grungy reality.
share:
I think we are all susceptible to the FUNK sometimes, annie dearest. there isn’t a person reading or breathing who hasn’t been in a similar place you are right now, and who won’t soon return there for one reason or another. I think the important thing is that you are being open and honest about who and where you are, knowing that God longs for you to keep exploring, keep going, keep arranging and bringing new perspective into your beautiful, unique life. I love you, and I think you are extraordinary.
-ash
Oh friend… Wish I could be there for margaritas and nachos and shopping and crying.
I love you, and think there is tremendous courage in this honest post. If you tried to be like those obnoxious Spirit 105 dj’s that “NE-ver HAVE a BAD DAY EV-er!” you wouldn’t be nearly so palatable. And as it is, you are very palatable. Even when in a funk.
Love you.
I have chosen to not post during my funk, but know that you are not alone. That always feels miraculous.
I’m recouping, so a post-funk post is due soon. Until then, may I just say: I did not know you were on my island! Am I the tailee on this island or are you the tailee?
Dear Ms. Stranger.
Advice given without context could be dangerous, but I have a big mouth.
Francis Schaeffer once said that all of man’s suffering could be traced back to his desire for autonomy. If you feel you must be in control all the time, do you think maybe God could be the one “pulling the plug”? Some sort of well-planned disaster to have you give up control (and H&M) so that you must cling to Him instead? Or as Buechner would say, to quit fighting, lay down your guns, and surrender in a magnificent defeat?
Then here’s to losing control.
i don’t know if you saw this….but you should go here:
http://wrecklessphotography.blogspot.com/2008/03/anticipate.html
i think this was posted for you, i know someone out there needed it, including me.
don’t apologize for the grunge!
especially when blogged in such an enjoyable fashion. it’s nice to know you’re a real person…
Ah, the funk.
I know it well.
Praying for you Miss Annie.
Hey, there’s an H&M a few blocks from my apartment – were you having a heart-shredding day in Boston? If so, I’m pretty sure we ate and drank enough later on in that day to pacify it …
So I think I remember you saying you were a 1 and a 4 on the AnnieandGraham like me. If so, you might forget like I do that perfection doesn’t equal the absence of weakness, but wholeness; and wholeness is achieved through holding our strengths and weaknesses together. So here’s to embracing what you can’t control. I was praying for you and God said that it’s in the struggle, in the surrender that you are adding to the beauty Annie.
and p.s. the 4 part of us needs the struggle for creativity, all great art (music, painting, etc.) comes out of that struggle, so never apologize for what makes you so brilliant!
today, i said this to a friend: “why do seasons of our life have to be so hard? I get that life isn’t easy…but why can’t the hardship be spread out and averaged overall? Sometimes it just feels like God is bitchslapping me in the face, ya know?”
I now share this thought with you. My point being: yes, we have seasons of life that are hard, and it’s ok to be confused and doubtful and out of control. But, we can’t stay there. so, get it girl!
Part of what makes you such a beautiful person, Annie, is your willingness to share with transparency your journey with the rest of us. You draw us in and let us know that we’re not alone in our thoughts, feelings, peeves, experiences, desires, humor. You put gloriously crafted words to the things the rest of us think and feel, but don’t always have the ability to articulate. I appreciate this post for the same reason I appreciate all your others- it’s you being genuine and real and telling it like it is. It’s a quality we should all aspire to. Thanks for that! I’m praying for you.
Something in response to your comment and to hopefully, if not very briefly cheer your tired soul:
I LOVE gaudy, tacky honky-tonk blog fodder!!! But if you have fodder, you best be sure to have mudder, brudder and dodder…
Yeah, ok, so that was some of THE WORST comment fodder ever to soil your blog. Really though, it takes an extraordinary person to be transparent, and if you’re wondering if God is there, just look at all your blog comments :)
-Krysten
I imagine the tone of your comments has been unanimous. If you don’t feel down, once in a while, how can you even call yourself human. At least you’re honest about it – you’re not sitting around in The Funk and Denial :).