Quick – what’s a stronger word for “lousy”?
Some things have happened lately – some things that have left me feeling really lousy. Worse than lousy. I would say “shitty,” except then some people might get upset. So I’ll just leave it at lousy.
What are these “things” that have happened? Well, take your pick – there’s a panoply. But I don’t want to talk about them, because then you’ll know how lousy I am. And that would only make me feel lousier. But they involve miscommunication, and pride, and fear, and insecurity, and rejection. Aren’t those the worst things ever? Maybe not worse than war and famine and death. But still, pretty bad feelings.
Times like this make me want to throw in the towel. I feel like throwing my hands up in exasperation, and saying, “Fine, I GIVE UP.” I’m tired of trying, tired of tripping, tired of failing, tired of disappointing.
Sometimes I wish that Jesus would just come back.
I feel lousy. But today, I’m going to try to choose hope instead. I’m only a little ragamuffin, making my way as best as I know how. None of us will escape the hard times and the pain and the quiet moments where we question the value of who we are at our very core. But we are called to a long obedience in the same direction, day after day, no matter what. So…
Courage. Onward. And praise the Lord, really.
share:
Don’t give up.
You can call and cuss me out any time you’re having a “lousy” day. I’ve got a listening ear… Also, GUARANTEED I’m awake when everybody else is sleeping cause we’re like 12 hours behind.
That’s my all time favorite cuss word.
Wait, wait, wait– I’m out of the loop! I don’t know specifically what this blog is about!! This makes me feel panicky. Email? Please?
sorry– that last comment is from greta– i’m still accidentally on h’s account.
Mmm… I know how you feel. And it’s just so hard to try to make sense of the world and count it joy when all you want to do is scream and run.
I heard these words sung again last night and they brought fresh hope to me. I hope they do the same for you now, Annie:
When I can’t feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can’t hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I’m made more faithful
(Chorus of “Faithful” – Brooke Fraser)
i wasn’t aware my diary had carbon paper. wow…
That is so weird that you commented on my blog today because I was checking out your profile last night after reading your comment on Cameron’s blog. I decided to start reading your blog after I read “my love language is wine and cheese” – that cracked me up!!
Regarding today’s blog – girl, there must be something in the air! Guess we just ride it out til the wind changes………
Julie (nashvegasnative)
Yup, I know that lousy feeling. But I hope you still realize how friggin’ well-loved you are, my wonderfully talented and gorgeous friend.
And I absoLUTELY will be coming to visit you this summer. I’m thinking August would work best for me – what about you??
xoxoxo
I am so sorry for this worse than lousy state!! Maybe a trip to beautiful Colorado will bring some much needed refreshment. Much love! Ash
Whoa, Annie, this sounds over the top serious. Shoot me an email? Hope the trip to Colorado gives you a boost.
I know ragamuffin is a serious word, but I can’t help but think of a holey blueberry-speckled breakfast item.