E is for eHarmony
This is a risky topic. It makes me want to throw up just thinking of you all reading about this subject in association with my name – especially since now you can probably google “is Annie Parsons on eHarmony?” Nevertheless, I want to talk about internet dating.
Not necessarily FOR ME. Just IN GENERAL.
Thoughts? Comments? Good idea? Bad idea? Worthwhile? Desperate? Genius?
And JUST FOR THE RECORD, I am not thinking about signing up, so don’t go looking for my profile on Match.com – although, let’s be honest, I could probably throw together a riveting profile [*rolleyes*, for all of you literalists out there]. I’m just curious to know what you, my esteemed readers, think of the concept. I’m intrigued by your thoughts, in the same way I might be if I asked about, say, the best way to barbecue a pork chop. Not something I’m looking to do anytime in the foreseeable future, but who knows, WHAT ABOUT SOMEDAY?
So. Opinions?
By the way, I have it on good authority – mine – that I have some of the coolest, smartest, most date-worthy blog readers in the land, so just think: your thoughts and comments could help contribute to what might become the internet’s PREMIER source of wisdom about internet dating (i.e. the comment section of this blog entry). Together, we can change the world… wide web.
share:
tags: A-Z | Dating | Internet | Questions | Relationships
Funny you should mention eHarmony. It was one of the topics my friends and I talked about yesterday during our lunch after church.
My one friend told us that she’d recently “chatted” with a guy she found on eHarmony. They exchanged numbers. She thought he was a prospect.
A few days after exchanging numbers she received a call from him… At 1AM! Suffice to say… this match was a bust.
I don’t know about online dating, BUT I hear there’s a Jewish online service that has one of the highest success rates in the country.
Internet dating totally freaks me out. I have heard both raving success stories and horror stories. The whole idea of internet dating is totally foreign to me. I think it says a lot about our culture that there are so many people doing online dating. . . We all work too hard and too long that we don’t have time for social interaction or what? As far as eHarmony– my former boss went on there and went on a couple of dates that didn’t work out but she has been dating a guy that she met on there for a couple of months. They certainly have a lot in common and she says “the fact that he is on eHarmony shows me that he is actually interested in having a relationship.”
I too have heard about the Jewish online dating service and it’s roaring success!
I almost cringe sometimes when I have to say that I met my husband ‘online’. Mind you… it was on myspace, and neither one of us were looking to meet someone. We were ‘introduced’ through a mutual YWAM friend… but still, it was online. There’s no getting around it.
For Cory and I, we were able to get to know each other through our emails a lot faster than in real life. The physical thing was never an issue, because we lived in different states. We never said we were a couple during that time… it was just a “getting to know each other time.” It just so happened that we did hit it off when we finally really met 7 months later. Yeah, four months after the initial meeting, we were married! And I’m happy to say that today is our 2nd anniversary, we have a chubby perfect little baby and another on the way. Ha!
I’ve know of 3 amazing people who have met and married after meeting ‘online’. It happens. It’s definitely not for everyone, but it does happen. =)
i’m sad that E was not for Erin. Perhaps after i quit crying in my coffee i’ll contribute. (how bout that for some e-literation? no, doesn’t work?)
Shannon – I know, it’s like, no one WANTS their story to be, “We met on the internet.” :) But I know a lot of people that have had success in finding someone that they love online… I think it’s becoming a more and more accepted and normal and legitimate way of connecting.
Erin – you’re e-mazing. (okay I’m done)
Stigmas, and connotations aside, I honestly just feel like it’s practical. Once you’ve graduated out of the singles playground that is college, it’s a lot harder to meet other single people… I mean there’s bars, but meeting someone at a bar has its OWN set of stigmas. …And gross dudes.
You’re getting settled in a place, you don’t have a whole lot of single people in your near proximity, you’re open to being in a relationship, why not? That’s where the single folk go. If e-harmony was a warehouse, we could go to the warehouse in dresses and high-heels, and then we could say “we met in a warehouse,” but e-harmony just doesn’t have quite the Costco set-up.
(Haha! I just pictured single people being all taped in plastic wrap on those huge crates being lifted down with a fork-lift. “What type were you looking for exactly, ma’am?” And there would be samples!!! Single people samples!! Haha!)
Anyway. I’ve heard so many stories of friends trying it, that I’m no longer wrinkling my nose, it seems like a pretty acceptable thing to do for people in our generation.
I tried it once and got frustrated too early…I think I figured it would be different than the dating scene and that you wouldn’t have to “weed through” to get to the good stuff..which is not the case.
I also came to the realization that on top of that, while there are TONS of wonderful people on these sites, and plenty of outgoing friendly people who have met their mate through these sites…it is also where the socially awkward go to date. NOT EVERYONE, I’m just saying it seemed like a lot of people who don’t fend well in social situations turn to this – and you don’t seem like one of those people!
But if you go into it w/ an open mind I’m sure you can have a postiive experience from it..and if not – at least it’s good practice in going on dates!
yeah i don’t know about eHarmony, but i do know about http://www.christianmingle.com/
i think that’s the site for you ;)
and for the male perspective….
I have used eHarmony on and off for about a year and have been on 3 dates as a result. Each date was entirely unique. I had the best date I’ve ever been on with a girl I met on eHarmony.
I think it is just a different way to meet people. As a guy, it was a a blow to the pride that I may have to resort to the internet to find a date. Maybe that’s just because I’m prideful.
It seems like a shotgun approach also. Of the 400+ matched I got, only 3 resulted in dates, and nothing actually worked out. I will say that there was very good chemistry with 2 of the 3 dates.
For what it’s worth, I would trust eHarmony to set me up on a blind date over my parents though.
As a big brother, I have to give a warning. Some guys use eHarmony to find one night stands.
Here’s my problem with online dating, although its not an airtight case. I just don’t like the idea of waking up one day and saying, I want to “find” somebody, or I want to “date” today. I realize that we probably do that in everyday life as well, but it seems so much more conscious with the online stuff. I don’t think I would ever be able to get over shopping myself to some degree.
Also, I’ve never done it, or filled out a profile, but it seems to be very me-centered. You fill out a profile based on all of our likes, dislikes, everything about us, trying to find that one person who matches everything we like about ourselves. And if they match it, we like them. I don’t tink that’s a good precedent to set for a relationship.
And, even as a guy, to me the story is a bog deal. The stories of how people meet are some of the great stories I ever hear.
Finally, if you’re in your mid-20s, even early 30s, I still think there’s ample opportunities to get out there and meet someone.
eHarmony was a bust for me but my brother just met a lovely girl on there, (cause i forced him to join!!) whom we all love now.
p.s. i am taking a FB hiatus so i need your email so i can keep up with you. ask the D Annie for today’s latest scoop…
I’m still holding on to the idea that I can meet someone on my own, but I’m slowly opening up to it. I agree that it’s becoming more of a norm.
A guy I know said either match or eharmony was for hooking up, the other for relationships but he couldn’t remember which one. So now I’m skeptical of both. All though I do have several friends who have married someone they met online. So it must work for some people.
I think there’s nothing wrong with conversing with a person electronicly, even if your motive is Eros-driven.
HOWEVER…
I think for most people, and especially for you Annie, the things that make someone fall in love with you are the things that one can only behold face-to-face.
Things like a smile, mannerisms that are attractive, a laugh, etc.
The internet is a place to find out someone exists, nothing more. If you want to “Date” there’s no replacing the real thing.
Though I must admit, asking someone out online is easier, because if they shoot you down, it’s way less embarrasing than if they did it in public. It’s kind of a “Coward’s Alternative” to asking someone out for real.
well. I will say that I have this friend – I think she is pretty cool ;) – that has been on eHarmony for about 2 months. It has been … interesting, to say the least. She has realized that it’s not really for her – the multiple choice questions, the blind dates, the whole system. However, she is glad she tried it. On to the next! …next realization that available men in Seattle are few and far between. :)
Regarding Mary’s “available men in Seattle are few and far between”: does anyone know ANYWHERE that they feel is… I don’t know… saturated with interesting, available, eligible people of the opposite sex? Because this seems to be a common issue with my friends all over the world – asking the question, “WHERE are the good men/women?”
If that is truly the case, I think that Greta’s Costco warehouse “free singles samples” idea could totally be marketable. :)
People tell me all the time that I need to sign up for eHarmony. I guess that’s a compliment?
I agree with Greta. It increases your proximity, and would also lead to some juicy, hilarious blogs. If I were single, I would definitely try it. In my opinion, it’s better than meeting a guy in a bar!
I received three of the most ridiculous dates ever as a result of eHarmony. How to even begin? I tried it, but just decided I would rather interact with the people around me…although I did come out with some great stories and a laminated poem. Laminated. Poem.
Having been going out with my wife since I was 16, I can’t say I ever had the need to consider a service like eHarmony. However, one of my best friends in the world found her husband via eH, after dating a few duds from eH too, and they seem to be a perfect match. I’m convinced God uses whatever means necessary, including cheesy dating sites, to bring the right people together.
I think some major problems people have with online dating are
A. admitting they desire a relationship enough to go actively searching for it. Most people deeply desire a relationship, but few of us want to announce this to the world. At some point we placed a stigma on wanting human connection, when really we have been designed to need it.
B. meeting electronically adds one more element that is out of the daters control.
My personal experience…I tried it right after my move to Detroit and to Nashville…not for me at least not right now but maybe later when I am wanting to actively search.
I found my boyfriend on Craig’s List. You can find ANYTHING on there. lol Next month marks 2 years for us.
I take strong exception to Mary’s “few and far between” comment. There are a lot of awesome and attractive people in Seattle. You just won’t find them at any of the usual hunting grounds. There are a lot of people who are complete tools, and pricks and they are the ones who stand out.
I agree with Annie though. Since the criteria for being Mr/Miss Right is so subjective, one just needs to hang in there and keep at it until that person who fits comes along. Also, no one can be a perfect fit, so the seeker needs to remember to flexible too, knowing that their fulfillment comes from quite another person’s grace.
Well, I guess it’s time to announce to the internet world that I tried e-harmony about a year ago. What I found was that although many of my “matches” were willing to email to eternity, only one met me in person. No one even eluded to the desire to want to meet in person. Frustrating since I am a more “in-person” type of girl. HUGE pet peeve. The phrase “grow a pair” comes to mind.
Toward the end of it, I just wanted it to be over (I had a 3 month contract) and I eventually just closed it or whatever so I would stop getting matches.
For me, it was a waste of time. However, I also know I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship at that point.
Having that said, I know one couple who is already married and another in which I will attend their wedding in October that all met through E-harmony.
The odds may be as good as meeting your future husband at a karaoke bar in Hermitage.
Lancaster actually has lots of great single people – men and women. It’s quite amazing, really. And if you’re a sucker for musicians (like I am), it’s also a great spot for those. ;)
As for eHarmony and internet dating…I’m not against it at all, but I’d personally rather meet the person in the flesh first. I filled out that free profile for eH last year – holy freakin’ LONG – and it was interesting. I think they ask decent questions. But once I started getting matches and guys started sending me messages, I shut it down. :) I didn’t really want to be in a relationship anyway :)
Annie, we do really need to talk soon, though! xoxo
Oh! And I have quite a few friends who are in wonderful marriages as a result of eHarmony and/or meeting online. :)
I met my husband in a bar. Just sayin’.