Bug, bug, fox
Last night, I was flipping through a hymnal (trust me: if you had no cable or internet, you’d be doing it, too) and paused at “There Is a Fountain.” Twenty-six years in the church, and I had never heard this song? Outrageous! So I started singing it, all quiet and peaceful and lovely (belying my actual persona), sitting there on the red couch.
When. From out of nowhere.
A hybrid spider-cricket (spicket?), unlike anything I have ever seen, crawled into plain sight, right in the middle of the living room floor. I screeeeeeeeeeamed, and threw the book at it. The hymnal book. It turns out that the words of life are also capable of bringing about death, and for this, I am grateful.
In other news, I am sick. My windpipe is a straw. My sinuses are packed like sausages, like thighs into pantyhose. I am doped up on cold medicine, which gave me a satisfying night’s sleep last night, but is resulting in a vacant stare and a gaping mouth sitting at the ol’ desk job today. I called a health clinic for the uninsured, but they are not accepting new patients until November. Looks like I’ll be riding this one out on a wave of Contac and tomato soup (Progresso makes a fantastic tomato soup – so much cheaper and healthier than Whole Foods cream-based option, but a million times more delicious than Campbell’s – it even has real tomato chunkage!).
And should this buggy blog leave you unfulfilled (which I suspect it might), be sure to read this fantastic example of poor redneck judgment. But who could blame him, really? I mean, his last name was Fox.
share:
“But foxes don’t like to be caged, especially when they are alive.”
i guess maybe they are only mildly annoyed by being caged when they are dead?
okay, you are not going to believe this one, but i swear it’s true.
last night, i was peacefully eating dinner while on the phone with my local walgreens for a half an hour. during this time, i had to run out to my car, and when i came back in there was this HUGE RED ANT-BEE-LOCUST bug that i’ve never seen before–hoping and sliming around on the inside of my front door. i tried for 5 minutes to shoo it outside, but then my cat ran outside in the process, so i had to go catch her.
the bug is still in my apartment. i wonder where!?!?! CREEEEPY!!!!
moral of the story: i think you might be going to purgatory for killing that bug. no, wait, hell: you killed it with a hymn book.
;) love ya!
I refer to them as pure evil, but I believe they’re called cave crickets. I’ve only seen them in TN and I’ve killed two since I’ve moved into my apartment. You can read my account in the “Day-By-Day Play-By-Play” entry.
Good on you for smashing it! I didn’t have the guts for all that! :)
I am so sorry to hear you are sick! If you are having sinus issues I have an idea. Go to Walgreens, CVS, Rite Aid…the grocery store and get a Neil Med Sinus Rinse squeeze bottle (not the nettie pot it doesn’t have enough force). It comes with a sinus rinser and some saline packs. I had a horrible sinus infection last year and this thing cleared it up without any antibiotics. Good luck, I hope you get to feeling better soon!
Adventures in AnnieLand should be your book title. i want the first copy. :) you are hysterical. i especially love the “My sinuses are packed like sausages, like thighs into pantyhose” line.
sorry you’re sick. :( Zyrtec works like a charm for me. i take it daily!
so miss annie I have to say that I have been reading your blog for awhile and I am glad you found ‘There is a fountain’ it is one of my favorites. and I think that as a singer/songwriter you have the perfect opprotunity to recreate those beautiful words of worship. I can just imagine you alone on that red couch singing a new melody to that almost ancient hymn. by the way thanx for sharing your heart in ‘K is for keliedoscope’ (bad spelling, but the intent is still pure) )LOL
thanx again,
Magen from Ohio
haha that is the saddest story from all angles. the fox one.
well, also that you are sick. but hey. at least you didn’t wreck your car because of a fox, or, like the fox, get killed by a car.
word verification: kilotegc. almost a word.
I lived in TN for 15 years and didn’t see those scary crickets until year 14 when I lived on Wauford Dr. They lived in my garage and would fly/jump around every time we went out there. Blegh.