Pumpkin Fail

blog

My friend Carly has a fabulous food blog aptly titled Fabulously Classic. She is my dream wife, coming up with all sorts of delicious concoctions to feed her husband Ben. Recently, she posted a recipe for pumpkin bars, and since it’s fall and I have A NEW MIXER, I thought I would bake a batch for my friendliest neighbors: the ex-cons across the street.

Except I didn’t follow the instructions. Carly said “jelly roll pan.” I took that to mean “any pan that I want.” Bad decision.

The pumpkin batter in my pan wound up being FAR too deep to bake all the way through, so in the end, I was presented with a “crispy around the edges” and yet “completely unbaked wad of dough in the middle” cake. I pulled it out and looked at it, flabbergasted, trying to scientifically deduce what I had done wrong. I’ve decided that a good law to live by should be, “Never do what your brain thinks will be okay.” That rule of thumb would have saved me from several speeding tickets, an ill-fated decision to pass up Dramamine, and $400 at a date auction in 2001.

However, never one to waste anything – especially sugar and lard – I waited for the cake to cool and then revisited it. I decided that there were salvageable pieces around the edges, so I took a knife to the whole, and wound up with 3 platefuls of mini-squares of perfectly good cake. Today, I will frost them individually, and bring them to my favorite former prisoners.

But I still have the mush from the middle – a doughy lump of ugly-yet-probably-delicious cake. And call me crazy, but I’m thinking… breakfast for 2 weeks.

share:

14 Comments

  1. Krissie on October 16, 2008 at 10:20 AM

    Hmmm. Never do what your brain thinks will be “okay”…

    Like driving on expired tags? Trying to catch a book with a hand that has cider in it? Thinking that the “dry clean only” dress would be fine if I washed it?

    Um. Yeah.

  2. Anonymous on October 16, 2008 at 11:48 AM

    I’m thinking breakfast for 2 weeks should probably be a no-go. Sweet-lardy slop is hardly what you need to start your day with. Disposals work well for that kind of thing.
    mom
    And, hello – fatself for the word verification. It’s prophecy!

  3. The Mangerchine's on October 16, 2008 at 12:35 PM

    “However, never one to waste anything – especially sugar and lard –”

    Hillarious, and I’m the same way!

    I’d do midnight snack instead of breakfast with the leftover mush, but that’s just my style, have to have something sweet before bed, and like to start the day with something healthy… that way I feel like I’ll be on track eating healthy the rest of the day cause once I get off track all bets are off.

    Shannon

  4. The Mangerchine's on October 16, 2008 at 12:35 PM

    “However, never one to waste anything – especially sugar and lard –”

    Hillarious, and I’m the same way!

    I’d do midnight snack instead of breakfast with the leftover mush, but that’s just my style, have to have something sweet before bed, and like to start the day with something healthy… that way I feel like I’ll be on track eating healthy the rest of the day cause once I get off track all bets are off.

    Shannon

  5. [not the] Best Blog Ever on October 16, 2008 at 1:51 PM

    “Waste not, want not.”

    Except – listen to your mom on this one, k?

  6. Annie Parsons on October 16, 2008 at 1:57 PM

    Mom, thanks to you, people can probably Google “sweet lardy slop” and run across my blog. Also, “fatself.” Awesome.

    I don’t have a disposal. I could always use it as coyote bait, and try to get myself a dog of my very own!

  7. | B e c k | on October 16, 2008 at 2:15 PM

    Glad I’m not the only one who screws up while baking pumpkiny goodness. Pumpkin bread is much easier… Except you do need a loaf pan (in other words, not just any pan you want…)

  8. Philip Letizia on October 16, 2008 at 2:20 PM

    My coffee shop is serving a Dog Fish Head “Punkin” Head Ale…

    It’s UNREAL! I can’t stop getting it. I’ve got pumpkins on the brain. You haven’t lived though until you’ve seen a pumpkin patch sale where everyone working there is wearing shorts and flip flops, and shade is provided by palm trees.

    Doesn’t seem to add up.

  9. Paul on October 16, 2008 at 3:51 PM

    Here’s a different slant than what your mother says. . . that fabulous goo in the middle not only tastes so good, but also saves you money you would otherwise have to spend on breakfast. And I’m a grandchild of the Depression, which means that using EVERYTHING and wasting NOTHING is of God. So, don’t throw it away. In fact, those prisoners across the street, I’ll just bet you, LOVE GOO.

    Love, Dad

  10. Carly on October 16, 2008 at 4:01 PM

    should i send a jelly roll pan to nashville?

  11. Lisa on October 16, 2008 at 4:18 PM

    mmmm… pumpkin bars. Or, what JJ and I like to refer to as our “Fall Crack”. You should try substituting the 1 cup oil for 1 cup applesauce… its just enough change in the fat to fruit/vegetable ratio to make it healthy! :) Or so I tell myself…

  12. erin on October 16, 2008 at 5:04 PM

    so this has nothing to do with pumpkin (though i also love all things pumpkin and have dabbled in pumpkin baked goods myself recently), but i heard a Phil song today and totally thought of you and ktbroad and our fantastical adventures.

    did i say too much?

  13. I guess that makes me the camel... on October 17, 2008 at 8:09 PM

    Oh Annie, I love you. Sometimes reading your blog makes me just really miss you, miss being connected with you. I’d totally forgotten about the date auction. How did I ever let you do that?!? And the speeding ticket to top all speeding tickets? Friends in low places? :) I love you.

  14. ~lady j on October 18, 2008 at 1:37 AM

    Never do what your brain thinks will be okay… hmmm.

    Like… even if the owner tells you so, do NOT jump a BMW by hooking red to black and black to red. Even german cars demand to go matchy-matchy or they will get very smoky and angry and annihilate your jumper cables.

    Mmhmm. :)

    And I can’t believe Ginger sent you her mixer. That’s amazing. :)

    Also I don’t know what in the world a jelly roll pan is, but I would have used whatever pan I wanted as well. Which is why I laughed out loud when I read that part. :)

    Happy Fall!

    Ooo! And we need to hang out! We must fix this. Soon.

Leave a Comment