Give a Hoot in 2015
I have a confession to make. I didn’t end 2014 well.
I spent the last three months of the year lost in my own head, unable to focus on anything or anyone except myself. Some stressful situations got the best of me – and while my circumstances were certainly worthy of some level of anxiety, I allowed the undertow to take me down. My work suffered. My relationships suffered. I disengaged from everyone and isolated myself and got really hell-bent on being able to control my tiny little kingdom, Foxy my only serf.
Basically, I became a total head case. My mental health took a nosedive straight into the gutter (where, awesome, someone barfed the night before).
For the past few weeks, I have been playing a game of chicken with some big decisions, ones that have the potential to change a lot about what my life looks like. Change always appeals to me until it’s actually happening, at which point I find myself wanting to pull the emergency brake – so I’ve been especially bipolar these days. One moment I’m hoisting my war stick and yelling “CHAAAAARGE” – and the next I’m drinking herbal tea, coming to my overly sensible senses and wondering if I have any guts at all.
This is the time of year when we Type As of the world tend to make resolutions (or for the relaxed, intentions – ha, amateurs). And in the aftermath of the last few months, a season in which I’ve felt helter-skelter and utterly jumbled, I find myself wanting to fix everything. I want to get my life back on track by committing to be ALL THAT I CAN BE in every single way – an idea that already has me exhausted.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who struggles with the fear that my life isn’t going to matter UNTIL. Until I get myself together. Until I do something noteworthy. Until I have more time. Until I save more money. Until I achieve that one very important thing. Until I move somewhere else. Until everything is different. (Who’s with me?) For the last several months, I’ve been acting like my life is insignificant, discontent with everything because I haven’t reached UNTIL.
I want my life to matter. But I forget that it already does.
And in case you need the reminder too, here it is: we are not better people for what we achieve and we are not worse for what we don’t. All of the fullness of life is available to us right now, right where we are, and regardless of where we are not. I firmly believe that each of us were set in our spots and in this time on purpose and for a purpose – and that’s the truth no matter how “together” we are, or if we’re any closer to UNTIL.
Right here, right now, it’s time for Hootenannie to give a hoot.
Stay tuned for what I mean.
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tags: #giveahoot | Annie Parsons | Contentment | Denver | give a hoot | Give a Hoot | Hootenannie
Oh, Annie. You are such a dear person to my soul. Why can’t we sit and drink coffee (or wine) together and just chat? Praying for you always.
Annie – what a lovely, honest testament to the messiness of living the creative life. Brava. Have you read the Alchemist? I do believe that the Universe is not only rooting for us, it’s looking out for us. Sometimes, it’s not that we have to know all the answers, it’s that we have to know how to listens for the signs. You’ll know what to do when the omens arrive. Sending warmest thoughts, as always. xo C.
You inspire me with your words, in all your seasons. I hope you never ever stop writing and sharing your soul and journey.
What a good reminder for me and everyone to hear that the fullness of life is available to all of us right this second. I needed that.
Your words got me thinking about Mary Oliver this morning.
Ah, world, what lessons you prepare for us, even in the leafless winter,…I am thinking now of grief and getting past it. I feel my boots trying to leave the ground, I feel my heart pumping hard. I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing, as though I had wings.
Love these words, my friend. And, excited to see what is next for you… There’s a guest room in England with your name on it if you’re interested:)
Annie, this is a powerful and beautiful statement you made–and I have struggled with many of the same feelings. You use the word “Until,” mine has always been “not______ enough.” I, too, am reclaiming 2015 for all that is and can be. I can’t wait to hear about what this year has in store for you.
I think you have good company in your thoughts on letting go of doing all, more, better… simply living well today in the present is probably where I should put my goals for the new year. http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2015/01/05/the-thing-about-being-more-awesome
Sigh.
Yes.
you are a truth-teller! and, your photo is lovely! peace and joy to you from seattle!
Day 6 of my new “intention” to be booze-free in January. Would love to get together for tea (!) soon!
You matter to me. I’ve been a head case longer than you’ve been alive…you get used to it ;-) To reiterate…you matter, and come what may, you always will. Just…stay alive and give that adorable dog a hug for me!
happy new year Annie, here’s to decisions made and quality time with people & foxy (or in my case Georgia).
So very true. We are not what we do and don’t do.
Resonating…loudly. Thank you, dear Annie.