hootenannie

My dear, sweet blog readers… we’ve been friends for a while now, right? And there’s nothing I could do or say that would make you disown me – or my blog, which is the closest thing I have to a child? I feel like we are intimate enough that I can let you in on…

As I drove south through West Virginia, I pulled into a Kroger parking lot to buy apples and cheese sticks. Walking toward the doors of the store, I was stopped by a man who was, I don’t know, SO WEST VIRGINIA. “Warrrshington? Did I see Warrrshington plates?” He had no teeth. Well, maybe two teeth….

I spent my Sunday wandering around our nation’s capitol. I saw the museums and the monuments – nothing in depth, but everything briefly. The one place that I took my time was the National Gallery of Art. I don’t claim to know anything about art. I know that I like it. I like to look…

I spent last night and this morning in Norfolk, VA, with my hometown friend Dylan Schoo. Dylan was the first boy I met when my family moved to Montrose, CO, in 1989; we went to prom together junior year, and have remained friends throughout the years and across the distance. Dylan is pretty much the…

Before I left Seattle, my friends were so sweet and generous and gave me tons of Starbucks gift cards for the journey. Although I do not prefer to support Starbucks, as 1) they are THE MAN, and 2) their coffee tastes like bitter sewer water strained through moldy cotton balls (sorry, Dad), I have gladly…

We know better. Really – we do. And yet sometimes, we still manage to give into the things that we know are not the best for us. For some people, this might mean tequila. Or cigarettes. Or a certain dysfunctional-and-yet-absolutely-intoxicating relationship. For me? I am talking about only one thing – and no, it is…

Listen up, Pounds,I knew you would show up – it was inevitable. Throughout my life, you have come and gone as you have pleased, but The Big Trip in particular has been made of conditions favorable to you: travel, friends, 4,000 miles of sitting, delicious food, celebratory drink, and a complete and utter lack of…

Last night, I flew from Seattle back to Nashville. If there is one thing that I love about Southwest Airlines, it is the little travel snack box that they pass out to passengers. It is here, and only here, that I allow myself to indulge my secret shame. Ritz. Cracker. Cheese. Sandwiches. Oh yes, you…

This weekend, I talked to a 7-year old girl who had recently lost her first tooth. A gap in her grin, Claire told me that no, it didn’t hurt when the tooth fell out. Something about the momentous occasion that losing your first tooth ever is took me back to my own experience of the…

“Can I have your pickles?”“Dream car? Buick LeSabre.”“Please! Tell me more about your foot fungus!”“This would look better in Comic Sans.”“Wanna watch golf?”“This dress? Oh – Chadwicks of Boston.”“Please don’t rub my feet.”“Let’s start a Dungeons & Dragons club.”“Penetrate.” I can barely type it, let alone say it. [shudder]“Man, I wish Savage Garden would cover…