hootenannie

It’s time to talk about the hazards of the workplace. When I began my career as The Temptress, I was given an exhaustive Workplace Safety Training session, which included watching a VHS made in 1987 about proper lifting techniques and the operation of heavy machinery. As I was not planning on a job in a…

At the beginning of 2007, I had plans for my life. These dreams included a variety of comforts: relationships and love and meaning, income and stability, smiles and music and laughter. I dreamed of a tidy existence, from a job that I loved all the way to a front-loading, designer-color washer and dryer. I had…

Hello, internet. Was your Saturday fabulous? Mine was. I went antiquing in Nolensville, which is a sentence I never thought I would say. I don’t think I like antiques OR Nolensville. But I found this cute little teal pitcher, so… score. Go me. In the spirit of friendship and peace, I want to know who…

Things I Must Do In My Lifetime -or- The Living Big – a detailed account (continued…) 76) Make a balloon animal. 77) Have a respectable savings account. 78) Write an anonymous note and leave it for a stranger to find. 79) Find a cure for hiccups (I’m really close). 80) Figure out why everyone has…

Things I Must Do In My Lifetime -or- The Living Big – a detailed account (continued…) 51) Cultivate a bonsai tree. 52) Go whale watching. 53) Love the people who drive me the most crazy. 54) Live in Seattle again. 55) Ice skate without falling. 56) Read the entire Bible. 57) Eat at Canlis. 58)…

We interrupt this 4-day series to bring you a special report. Annie Parsons, the author of this blog, is feeling emotionally despondent. Many things are to blame for this current lack of enthusiasm about life. It all started with her DNA strand, making her exceptionally susceptible to The Funk. But genetics are not fully at…

Things I Must Do In My Lifetime -or- The Living Big – a detailed account (continued…) 26) Own a Mazda 3 hatchback with seat-warmers and a stick-shift. 27) Go to Italy. Bask. 28) Try lobster. 29) Run a half-marathon. 30) Throw a surprise party for someone awesome. 31) Actually read all of the books that…

I present to you a 4-day series: Things I Must Do In My Lifetime -or- The Living Big – a detailed account 1) Learn how to make Keri Alexander’s chicken enchiladas. 2) Plant a rose bush. 3) Sing to old people in a nursing home. 4) Sew a quilt. 5) Help build a Habitat for…

… all of my wildest underdog Disney sports movie dreams came crashing down.

Typically, I try to have some sort of “theme” to my posts: why I hate townhomes, the proper funeral attire, that one time I ripped out all of my eyelashes, etc. But today, I bring you a slapdash assortment of my thoughts. 1) Yesterday, I watched “A Mighty Heart.” It was terrible – and by…