Dear Burt’s Bees,
I don’t know what to say. I am utterly flummoxed. After years of faithful service, you have let me down.
How could you? HOW COULD YOU? Did you want to cause me havoc and harm? Kick my 2008 off to a despicable start? Or, worse yet, did you think this was a good idea?
Today, I have been all over town – department stores, major shopping complexes, groceries, strip malls – and every place I have found the same deplorable truth: you no longer produce Burt’s Bees Lip Shimmer in “Coffee.”
Oh, you try to make it look like you are still a reputable organization. You have your flimsy little cardboard stands full of Lip Shimmer in various asinine shades: Champagne, Watermelon, Rhubarb, GUAVA. You even have the nerve to carry “Toffee,” causing my hopes to shoot through the roof. But the wishful “C” quickly morphs back into the actual “T,” sending my good faith plummeting back down to earth, where, apparently, dreams wither and die like fish in hot dirt.
But I’m a big girl. I do what I need to do. I bucked up right there in the middle of Whole Foods Market, and purchased your Lip Shimmer in “Papaya,” the closest thing I could find to the flawless “Coffee” shade. However, I’ll have you know that I also purchased “Blaze” by Alba, which, if I’m not mistaken, is your arch-rival when it comes to lip gloss. Take that.
May your 2008 bring you new brains and new management.
Kisses – blazing Alba kisses,