C is for the Cooking Frenchman, and Cheese

Written by hootenannie on August 11th, 2008

On Friday afternoon, I returned home from work to find an enormous box on my front step. I ripped into it, and found a birthday present sent from none other than my favorite Greta in the whole world. It started with a birthday card that played “Mmm Bop” when I opened it (she knows me too well), and, among other things*, she included a CD with the words: “With love, from the Cooking Frenchman.”

Intriguing.

I popped it into my computer, and this is what I found:

The Cooking Frenchman from Annie Parsons on Vimeo.

Life complete? I have a Cooking Frenchman extending an open invitation to Paris for wine & cheese – so I think YES. My favorite line: “Actually, my real name is Maxime, but people call me Max – and this is very cool.” Max, you fabulous man, you can expect me in Paris very soon.

*And by “other things,” I mean an illegally-shipped bottle of French wine, and a trio of Parisian cheeses that had gone un-refrigerated in the mail for 5 days en route to Nashville. I opened the box, and was OVERWHELMED by the smell.

Now, granted, French cheeses are typically stinky – and the longer they are left out of the refrigerator, the “riper” they become. But honestly. Could it possibly be safe?

Watch and see – that is, if you can focus beyond my angelic halo-glow. Why am I in front of the bright window, and only in one corner of the camera? Oh, the beguiling mysteries of my ways…

Will she survive? from Annie Parsons on Vimeo.

Obviously, I blogged today. So yes, I lived. And a mighty congratulations to those of you who succeeded in watching these videos while at work. Lord knows that’s where I’m posting from.

15 Comments so far ↓

  1. Aug
    11
    8:49
    AM
    Shannon

    This is SO hilarious!

    What an awesome friend you have. Yay Greta!! And yay for surviving the cheese!!

  2. Aug
    11
    10:12
    AM
    Lyla

    Was the bad culprit the dog cheese?

    Good job to your friend Greta on the cheese, the wine, and Max.

  3. Aug
    11
    10:19
    AM
    Annibelle

    AnnieP: “I’ll let you know if I die.”

    AnnieC: Haha… … [processing]… Whaaaaat?

    BTW, that orange cheese WAS scary looking! I would have SO sat their and tried them all with you… Can you imagine? 2 Annies, wine (that turns one Annie beet-red) and stinky cheese. Lots and lots and lots of stinky cheese.

  4. Aug
    11
    10:33
    AM
    Greta

    I KNEW the orange one was the culprit!!! I didn’t trust that orange lump from day one.

    Okay: to Annie’s blogging public: IN MY DEFENSE:
    1.) I knew that it was completely impractical to send Annie cheese from France, but I got to the airport and suddenly was hit with a moment of crisis: “I’m about to LEAVE France, and I’m not bringing Annie ANY wine or cheese???” Impractical or not, I had to do it.
    2.) I initially planned to OVERNIGHT it (what mindless loon would send cheese and wine via ground shipping) until the FedEx people told me, “That will be $188.00″ To ship. Overnight. $188. Did I mention that I’m a student this year??
    3.) Two day air was like $150. Three days was $88. The ONLY other option was ground which was less than $20.
    4.) Max, the COOKING FRENCHMAN, had TOLD Heidi and I all about how it’s good for cheeses to be “ALIIIVE” and how it’s such a shame we pasteurize cheese in the U.S. because none of the cheese fully gets “to live.” And he is a nutritionist!! I justified the ground shipping like so. And DID sufficiently warn Annie.
    5.) I wrapped it in a styrofoam box, which is SORT of insulated.
    6.) It really did stink. You have no idea how much it stank. The cheeses were shrink-wrapped, wrapped in foil, put in a sealed plastic bag, and then put into my backpack, and Heidi and I could STILL smell them all the way home on our 8 hour flight, with the backpack shoved under the seat.

    That damn orange one. I knew it.

    p.s. I feel compelled to state that my face is very oddly shaped in the beginning of this video. Sort of like looking at myself in the reflection of a spoon.

    “Oh, wow, Greta, no wonder you two are such good friends, she sends you rancid cheese…”

    Still, the fact that you would consume such treacherous fare simply out of love and trust in me makes me happy. Haha!

  5. Aug
    11
    10:33
    AM
    jnt.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
    dog cheese. Maxime is hysterical!!!

    and i loved your off-camera laugh when you went to spit out cheese #2 and then your facial expression when you came back.

    Greta is an AMAZING friend!!! and you are a brave woman!!!!

    hope you heard my sister and i laughing all the way in Nicaragua!

  6. Aug
    11
    10:54
    AM
    Annie Parsons

    Greta girl, this was the best gift. :)

  7. Aug
    11
    1:11
    PM
    AnnieBlogs

    Seriously.

    I am laughing outloud at your video.

    And the internet works at my house again. PTL.

  8. Aug
    11
    1:20
    PM
    Rebecca

    This is pure awesomeness. Makes me think of that scene in French Kiss when Kate is stuffing her face with all those “official cheeses”. I love me some TASTY stinky cheese (I’m wondering what that orange one was) and wine. Greta, you are amazing. And your cooking Frenchman? Too funny.

    Annie, don’t worry. Cheese doesn’t “go bad”, it gets moldy. So if there isn’t any mold, it’s good to go. :) And even so, you can just remove the infected moldy area and still eat the rest! Haha.

    And how freakin’ excited am I to go out and try that CoverGirl Lash Blast Mascara?! I have yet to find a mascara that I love, and I’m pumped to try this. And Lancome?! Seriously. I spend nearly $30 on a tube of eyeliner from them. Granted it’s completely amazing and lasts for almost a year, but still…$30? It’s a crime.

  9. Aug
    11
    3:53
    PM
    breepick

    LOL!!! HILAROUS!

    Your French Chef is a riot! And, I love “cheesi” (or however you’d spell it)!! ;0)

    Sitting at my office desk,
    Bree

  10. Aug
    11
    5:03
    PM
    Sarah

    My ears perked up to dog cheese.

    HAHA Dad joke.

  11. Aug
    11
    7:13
    PM
    Anonymous

    It’s not how “old” they are… it’s how “aged” they are… and in some countries out there (okay, maybe ONE country) – this could be a delicacy, I am sure!
    Well, almost sure.
    :)
    Diana

  12. Aug
    11
    9:44
    PM
    wrecklessgirl

    this is your dear BFFs in Kansas City. okay, well, i’m not originally from here, i’m visiting my kansasitian friend kelley, the other half of your BFF entity. we just wanted to say that your video was histerical, and we’re so glad you lived so that you could watch our dino video, as well as live to hear us accept your offer to be your new best friends. yours in faith, hope, love, and happiness, kelley and kristy.

  13. Aug
    11
    10:41
    PM
    Sarah Kate

    You are delightful. Oh, and when you go to France, I’ll totally eat dog cheese with you.
    From one rancid-cheese lover to another.
    SK

  14. Aug
    12
    11:42
    PM
    Tad

    I love how lady-like you managed to stay, even while you were on the verge of puking!
    Always conducting your self with the grace and dignity befitting your high birth.

  15. Aug
    21
    2:13
    AM
    Miss Marie

    I’m actually crying right now. Tears of giggles.

    Oh, and my captcha! thing – you know, that verifies that I’m not the boogeyman or a big hairy spider or “hot 16 year old chick named Krystal” is asking me to type “pootchie”, which I know you think is hysterical because I do, too.

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