a) Shoes, and b) Sharing the wealth

Certain events of this weekend have opened my eyes to some weighty issues surrounding a) what I need, and b) what I own. As in, a) what I have too few of, and b) what I have too much of. As in, a) shoes, and b) everything else.

Let us begin with a).

Seriously, I need shoes. I need shoes in the worst way. I need shoes like Lindsay Lohan needs an intervention. I was struck with this today when I put on a brown shirt, and went to look for brown shoes, and realized that I don’t HAVE any brown shoes. Are you kidding me? How do I not own a single pair of brown shoes? And how did I not know this before?

I don’t get excited about shoe shopping, and I really don’t get excited about spending money on shoes. I avoid those men in suits at Nordstrom for fear of their judgey-eyes sidling across my footwear, making a mental note of my cheap taste and low standards. Five years ago, I bought a pair of elevated Mary-Janes at Target (God bless Mossimo), and have since eBayed them. Twice. Let’s be honest: it is very embarrassing when people start noticing the duct tape on the soles of your shoes – I need to get over this pair and move on. But they were $8 on the internet! No Annie. It is time.

I recently tried on a pair of heavenly comfortable Kenneth Coles, but gasped at the sight of the price tag. So, again, I went home and eBayed the same pair. $30 – take that, suckas! Well, the joke wound up being on me when they arrived and they were KNOCK-OFFS (the audacity), and therefore nowhere near the comfort level of the originals.

My feet are torn up, blistered, bleeding, and becoming contorted due to the cheap-ass shoes that I am shoving my feet into each day. My knees, my hips, my heels are screaming at me all day, every day. Even my running shoes are demolished, and rub me raw every time I wear them. Good Lord, at this rate I might develop bunions!

sick. and. wrong.

I need a sudden wind-fall of $500 to simply silence my barking dogs, and preserve my knees and arches. I need a pair of running shoes, a pair of hiking boots, a pair of basic black shoes, a good pair of heels, and a pair of cool sneakers. Ah yes, and a pair of BROWN shoes. And I need to dish out the money for good ones.

Now, on to b).

How does one person accumulate so much junk? As I have one more month in my apartment, I am starting to sort through the detritus of my life. The name of the game is “SIMPLIFY.” If you want any stuff, I have stuff. Let me know what you want to take off my hands.