The fear of following through


It’s really easy to have dreams, especially when we keep them at a safe distance. How many years have I talked a big talk about moving to Nashville? Probably 10. And it’s been sweet and easy to dream about going – but actually going? That’s another story.

Yesterday I sent out a letter to all of my co-workers announcing my impending departure from my job. I spent a long time drafting this letter, and saying the things that I wanted to say, and yet my finger paused before pressing send. Finally, with the push of a button, off it went, sealing my fate.

On Thursday, I will move out of my apartment. Many of my possessions are in boxes, sorted into various piles: yard sale, Goodwill, post office, keep, trash, beg someone to buy. It’s an uncomfortable place for me to dwell – on the unstable ground of vagrancy – but it’s the way it will be for awhile. Chasing dreams is not always comfortable.

In the past week, I have been in various studios at different points, recording for several projects: my own country stuff, music for a church project, a HIP HOP TRACK (seriously)… I have dreamed for years about recording in a professional environment, and yet when I finally arrived at my chance, headphones on and microphone in place, I found myself hesitating out of uncertainty. What if I make a mistake? What if it sounds bad? But even in that moment of doubt and risk, the tape is rolling and I open my mouth to sing.

It is one thing to have dreams – it’s another thing entirely to wholeheartedly pursue them. But I have to be honest: I am having such a good time.



  1. MJ on June 26, 2007 at 2:33 PM

    personally, I’m scared of my own.

  2. Laura on June 26, 2007 at 7:40 PM

    If anyone can do it, you can! Luv ya!

  3. Lyla on June 26, 2007 at 9:58 PM

    Just about everything I know about you comes from your blog, but I can tell that you are a very strong person. Sometimes in order to grow you have to move out of your comfort zone and sometimes you have to move WAY out of your comfort zone. Maybe you’ll hit the big time, maybe not. In the process, though, whatever the outcome, you will meet new people, learn new lessons, and grow into what you’re meant to be. You’ll be alright. Just hold on and enjoy the ride.

  4. becca on June 27, 2007 at 12:52 PM

    i asked spencer about storing your bed…i don’t know if you sold it (or are going to at your yardsale), but he said he thinks the chances are good they could store it at his house til i move out there. if not, then this comment is completely IRRELEVANT!!

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