The fear of following through
It’s really easy to have dreams, especially when we keep them at a safe distance. How many years have I talked a big talk about moving to Nashville? Probably 10. And it’s been sweet and easy to dream about going – but actually going? That’s another story.
Yesterday I sent out a letter to all of my co-workers announcing my impending departure from my job. I spent a long time drafting this letter, and saying the things that I wanted to say, and yet my finger paused before pressing send. Finally, with the push of a button, off it went, sealing my fate.
On Thursday, I will move out of my apartment. Many of my possessions are in boxes, sorted into various piles: yard sale, Goodwill, post office, keep, trash, beg someone to buy. It’s an uncomfortable place for me to dwell – on the unstable ground of vagrancy – but it’s the way it will be for awhile. Chasing dreams is not always comfortable.
In the past week, I have been in various studios at different points, recording for several projects: my own country stuff, music for a church project, a HIP HOP TRACK (seriously)… I have dreamed for years about recording in a professional environment, and yet when I finally arrived at my chance, headphones on and microphone in place, I found myself hesitating out of uncertainty. What if I make a mistake? What if it sounds bad? But even in that moment of doubt and risk, the tape is rolling and I open my mouth to sing.
It is one thing to have dreams – it’s another thing entirely to wholeheartedly pursue them. But I have to be honest: I am having such a good time.