Time is ticking away

My friend Mark recently forwarded me a link to a fascinating article from the New York Times.

Hold it. Clarification. This article is more than fascinating – it is universe tilting, so insane that my brain feels like it’s been put into a blender and turned to “Frappe.” Read it first. And then continue reading on…

I had never heard of the Copernican formula, but now that I have, I wanted to put it to the test. I am a big fan of things being predictable, of knowing what is going to happen and when. I carry a red leather-bound calendar with me everywhere I go, and in it I keep not only my own schedule, but my friends’ and families’ plans. I am a fan of short-term survival and long-term goals. I keep a watchful eye on my finances, and am largely a very steady, responsible person. I love knowing the plan, and having the necessary data to project ahead into the future.

So I went ahead and shook the Magic 8 Ball that is the Copernican formula, and asked a very unpredictable question: “When am I going to die?”

Now, I am no math wizard, and I will spare you all of the painful mathematical details… mostly because they’re probably incorrect. BUT! According to my calculations, with 95% certainty, I am going to die sometime between this coming year, and 600 years from now.

Thank you, Dr. Gott, for providing me with a sure fate I can count on – at least with 95% accuracy.