The cover letter I wish I could attach


Dear Potential Employer,

Congratulations! You are holding the invitation to employ me, Annie Parsons. This golden ticket is not easy to come by, as I am particular and discerning about my place of employment. Some might even call me picky – to which I respond, “In a good way.”

You might be wondering what it is about me that might warrant your consideration for hire. Ponder the facts:
1) I’m super fun. I liven up any office, and always have amusing stories to tell.
2) I mean it when I say I can do anything. Do you want a huge event planned? Done. Do you want the tiny details taken care of? No problem. Do you need a triple tall non-fat no-foam latte? That’s what I do.
3) By hiring me, you immediately inherit my internal encyclopedia of songs. This comes in handy if we ever go do office karaoke.

As for my know-how in your career field, well, that’s all relative, isn’t it? I’m like Barack Obama: what I lack in experience, I make up in charisma and charm. And these things are going to take me far.

I feel compelled to include a gratuitous word about my typing skills. You do not need to know how many words per minute I can type, as I do not want to appear arrogant. Suffice it to say that you might as well call me Mavis Beacon.

One more thing: my entire life, I have been awarded jobs without ever applying for them. People meet me and are overwhelmed by my skills and cute shoes, and then just put me on the payroll. I have never even had to write a cover letter! Obviously – duh.

Thank you for your consideration. If you want to find out more, then just friend me on Facebook.

Rock on,
Annie P.


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  1. Laura on October 15, 2007 at 9:19 PM

    So you’ve never had the humiliating experience of being rejected from a job that you’re overqualified for anyway? Not fair!

  2. MJ on October 16, 2007 at 11:48 AM

    People seriously just give you jobs? How can I get what you’ve got? I have the opposite prolem.

  3. I'm Ashlee. on October 16, 2007 at 6:08 PM

    Here’s what to do now: Send this to a random job you see in the classifieds and tell me what you hear back.

  4. I'm Ashlee. on October 16, 2007 at 6:08 PM

    Here’s what to do now: Send this to a random job you see in the classifieds and tell me what you hear back.

  5. Mark on October 16, 2007 at 9:17 PM

    Annie, if you don’t follow the advice above, I will be very, very, very (etc.) disappointed.

  6. Bryn on October 18, 2007 at 11:11 AM

    Yeah, I dare you.

  7. Elaine on October 19, 2007 at 12:29 PM

    i love it!!!! u should totally use it and see wut happens….lol i no my english seems bad but w/e..i have a myspace and it has made me c that i like w/e makes my sentences shorter!! annie, i luv ur blogs sooooooooooooooo much!!! u could jus b a writer while ur waitin to b a superstar!!! ur writing is so entertaining and thotful and transparent!! i am prayin 4 ur safe travel!!! have the time of ur life….like u already r…n keep us posted!!! thx…e

  8. candace on November 19, 2008 at 7:21 PM

    this is amazing, Annie. i say send it, what do you have to lose? if anything, it might set you apart from the boring formulated cover letters that we know are all BS, anyways, and get you some real attention!

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