Detox
I am particular. I am complicated. I am high-maintenance.
I readily admit these things about myself. But in recent weeks, I have been reminded of these things by those closest to me. It doesn’t feel good. I become defensive and sensitive, and rapidly look for other things to distract me or fill me or cheer me up.
But then I step back and realize that these things are true, and perhaps I have not had my priorities in order. I talk about my feelings instead of releasing them to God. I seek to control rather than trust. I smile sarcastically and entertain and feign confidence, when all the while I am shriveling up inside.
And so it’s time for a bit of a detox.
This blog has been a big part of my life for over a year now. Some wonderful things have come out of its existence, and I am absolutely grateful for the friendships and connections I have made. But I think that I’ve made it too important in my life. I’m going to take a little break from the blogosphere – a few weeks? A month? I’m not sure. I’ll be back when it feels right.
During this time, I’m also giving up alcohol and carbs, which will assuredly make me into a stark-raving bitch. Be glad that I’m going underground.
Things I will continue to do:
1) Go to work.
2) Go on walks.
3) Eat fruits and veggies and protein.
4) Talk to my mom on the phone.
5) Write.
I will also continue to read your blogs daily, so keep at it.
I am not suicidal. I am not homicidal. Please do not feel the need to send Search & Rescue after me – I will emerge on the other side of this in one piece, I promise. But in the meantime, I am craving some quiet, and the space to feel – good or bad – and rest for my weary, weary heart.
I’ve heard that after the darkness, we often emerge with a newfound creativity, life-force, peace, and sense of purpose. Here’s hoping.
Let The Big Silence begin.
share:
snippity snap!
you know, lots of bloggers are doing this lately. I think I did it a while back, although less formally. after writing every day for a month or so I’d had enough. I’d tried to do the same with myspace long time ago, but that didn’t really take… Until one day it did take. and I just ACTUALLY stopped caring about what was happening on the internet, instead of just trying not to care.
In any case, your blogs will still be missed, so when you come back we will welcome you with open arms.
I’m going into a bit of a detox myself, with no Annie blog to read!
Glad our phonecalls made the short list. thanks for the reminder that congruence – insides matching outsides – is something to work toward. Matt. 11:28-30 You are loved more than you will ever know!
mom
Wow. I think I may be going into hootenannieparsons withdrawal here very soon. I so look forward to your lovely blogs that make me laugh, wonder, and reflect! I guess in the meantime I will have to just read your blog archives, and pray that you return soon!
Enjoy the detox. :)
This is sad, but not as sad as if I was still reading your blog without having met you. I will miss your blog during this break (it is a regular part of my work day), but I’m glad I get to hang out with you. Let’s do that soon.
Good for you friend, I agree with your mom, I am all about congruence. (or am aiming to be in any case) It could be my middle name:) In my new diet (sounds similar to yours), in addition to those things (cutting out caffeine, alcohol, carbs, sugar), we’re supposed to drink half our weight in oz. of water a day. Do you do that? It’s tough for me, makes me want to lose lbs.:)
I’m looking forward to your time with Miranda (saw your post to her on FB today), that sounds like a joy waiting to happen:) Hope you are blessed in the silence and that God communicates some stuff to you about identity. Just to warn you though, I took a ‘time’ like this in 2004. It lasted until 2007. But it was indeed amazing and worth it. love you sister.
Me: “Micah, what’s your favorite thing about your new house?”
Micah: “The bathtub in the bathroom upstairs.”
???
Adorable that one. I will miss being able to read your anecdotes on life. Love you Annie.
NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooOOOOO!!!!
Sad. (for us, your readers, that is). But, good for you for recognizing where you are in life and what you need to keep your focus on Christ. Way to go!
If your mom ever doesn’t want to talk…I like talking on the phone! Yeah, we should do that…talk…on the phone.
wow – once again, i feel very close to the words you’ve written. i find myself thinking these same things, feeling the same way.
may your time away bring you many blessings, i’ll be thinking about you!
<3k.
i hope the silence is beautiful for you annie. i’m sure it will be. all the best during the break.
hey.
good luck.
i’m looking forward to what you’ll learn.
We ABSOLUTELY need to be friends. Annies in Nashville? It was meant to be. :) Email me (on my profile page) and let’s plan to get together- I have some Nash-questions for you as well.
AND you love The Office? This is ridiculous and beautiful.
Let’s be friends now.
Is THAT presumptuous? :)
annie—EMAIL ME! kristy@wrecklessphotography.com – i have a little somethin-somethin for you.
<3k.
thanks for the comment on my site stuff christians like
hilarious
I found you through my good pal Sarah. Although I just found you, and have only read this entry, I just want you to know that I am in a similar spot.
I am a talker instead of a releaser. I love my blog, and my followers even more, but I don’t feel that I have anything new to say. That I keep saying things, and not sticking to anything, so why should anyone want to read about me? If I don’t want to write, why should I think anyone would want to read it?
One of my favorite singers (Peter Mulvey) has a great quote in a song from somewhere around 1996:
“I’ve been so long silent so when I spoke I would know it was truth.”
Luck and love in your silence. I look forward to reading about what you learn.
:) i am so glad someone else can appreciate it.i’m hoping that in this silence you are hearing that still small voice and finding much comfort and rest in it.
Annie! This is profound! I hope that the Big Silence brings about greater understanding, revelations of grace and of patience, and a time where you are able to find new and different ways to process things of life. I’ll miss reading about your life!!
we love you!