A new day
“If you had no job, you could be so productive!”
This is basically the biggest lie since “There are no cats in America.”
I believed it. I fell for it. I spent my working days fantasizing about all that I could get done if I didn’t have a job: reading, writing, exercising, cooking, cleaning, organizing – in general, getting it DONE, and becoming the woman that I’ve always dreamed of being.
But there is a problem: when one has nothing on her schedule, no time constraints, no responsibilities – not to mention, no income – then it’s hard to do ANYTHING. Laziness begets laziness. In theory, I now have all the time in the world to do things – and so it’s no big loss if I don’t do it now. So I don’t really do anything at all. Except make cookies. And check our mailbox everyday at 2pm.
My mind, completely un-stimulated, has been a dry well. I have had nothing to write about – no creativity whatsoever. PZC says that his best writing is done when he’s supposed to be doing something else – and I agree with him. When I sit down with the grand expectation and intention of writing, and I have no time constraints, and no deadlines, and nothing to prod my brain, then I usually wind up with nothing but a blank page.
Last night, Julie and Mel came upstairs to find me in the child’s pose on my bedroom floor, silent and depressed. All of our friends had gone home after our St. Paddy’s Day barbeque, and I was feeling so sad I could hardly stand it. Why? Why does sadness sometimes hit me out of nowhere, like an Atlantic swell?
They got down on the floor with me, and scratched my back, and made me laugh, and then we all talked about our lives, our hopes, our disappointments. In the end, because I have the best roommates in the universe, we prayed together.
It’s a new day. I am grateful to wake up in it. And I am hopeful for what it might contain.
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tags: Boredom | Boredom | Creativity | Emotions | Funk | Hope | Roommates | Time | Unemployment | Unemployment | Writing
Mel and Julie are so sweet…!
Oh Annie. :( The joblessness won’t last forever. It WON’T. And you’re right: it IS new day, and mornings are all potential. That, and a good excuse for coffee.
I love you. Wish I was there to help with the back scratching and helping you feel better. You are a wonder, friend!
When I was mentoring college freshmen, I used to tell them that their best shot at succeeding in school was getting involved with lots of other activities. Otherwise, there’s no urgency to read or write that paper NOW.
The other great quote around this is “If you need something done, ask a busy person.”
Hoping for purposeful activities coming your way.
Yes to coffee.
I’d like to share a bit of wisdom from my Hot and Godly husband. He often tells me, when I get in the slump of “not enough”, he reminds me of “seasons” – that there is a time for everything, and that it’s perfectly OK if this is the time for watching the Food Network and writing blogs every two hours.
Soon the season will be back for busyness and rushing and skipping lunch in your hurry, and you’ll be glad that you took this time to recharge.
Revel in your free time and make the most of it. Nothing lasts forever you know… even icky things like Recessions.
Should I be praying for you to find a job, or find more to do with your jobless time? :)
I love that story. I hope today is filled with hope and purpose for you.
i love that you were in child’s pose. that is my default pose whenever i feel sad, tired or too weary to handle the circumstances of my life… i guess, whenever i feel like a child.
I am struggling through the unemployment and too much free time depression myself. Sometimes I feel so thankful for this time and within minutes can feel completely terrible. This morning my sadness was completely running the show, but then I suddenly remembered, “I haven’t checked Annies blog yet today!” Yay! Something exciting for me to do :) Thank you for writing what you feel. It has SO much purpose.
Annie, I am in the same position that you are in. I loved that you said “In theory, I now have all the time in the world to do things – and so it’s no big loss if I don’t do it now.” I feel the same way! I’ve recently graduated from college and I’m in the awkward transition stage because I’m waiting to go to graduate school…but I need to get a full time job too…and I should probably clean my room, study for the GRE, read books I’ve put on hold for years, etc,. I need to start living for today and not for tomorrow. I think I’d be much happier and less anxious and sad! Thanks for your post.
I’ve always said that my dream life is to teach half time until I’m about 90. I’d have a couple hours extra to do school work and a couple to drink coffee, read, hike, etc., but still have purpose. Still make a difference. Even if I won the lottery, I’d still want to teach. . . some. Thanks for the reminder and I hope you have a happy, productive, rejuvenating, creative day.