I don’t always believe that Jesus loves me – even though the bible tells me so.

Oh, I know that Jesus loves me – in a “whole world in his hands” kind of way.  But do I believe that he loves ME?  That he sees ME?  That seems impossible.

It’s this thorn in my side, this snag in my otherwise fairly confident faith – which is interesting, since the love of God is what the gospel is centered on.  When I have a hard time trusting the central truth of the Christian faith, it has a ripple effect on the other things that I believe.

I find myself swinging like a pendulum between an inflated sense of self-importance and a groveling sense of shame.  Driven by a strong need for justice, I still buy into the lie that I can earn my worth, and that if I don’t secure my merit by my own accomplishment, then I’m done for.  I miss the whole grace thing, over and over again – and then just beat myself up for being a loser.

It’s hard to believe something that I can’t feel.

But lately, I’ve been coming back to that passage in Matthew 6 where Jesus talks about the birds of the air, and how they soar and glide and don’t worry about their lives because they are provided for – and that if God loves them, how much more does he love you and me?  For some reason, that has felt like a good line of reasoning – something that I could latch on to – and so a few weeks ago, I prayed that God would help me remember that.

Specifically, I prayed for a visual reminder of that truth.

And last week, I received a birthday package in the mail.

Greta’s note was short and sweet, simply saying that she knew that this was an enormously impractical gift, but that she saw it and just wanted to send it to me.  I unwrapped it, and found a doorknob.

It took me a second to put it together – because there’s no way she could have known.  Why on earth would she have sent me a doorknob – especially when I don’t even have a bedroom door?

But when the pieces fell into place, my heart almost burst.

Because the love of God will open the door and set me free.



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  1. [not the] Best Blog Ever on August 21, 2009 at 9:27 AM

    Aw. So sweet – God and Greta. I have goosebumps.

    His love for you IS real, my friend. Know it.

  2. Terry McNichols on August 21, 2009 at 12:26 PM

    wow… Guess God was listening.

  3. erin Tumlin on August 21, 2009 at 12:34 PM

    love that annie! wow. thanks so sharing. so encouraging.

  4. Marijke on August 21, 2009 at 1:19 PM


  5. Tad on August 21, 2009 at 2:16 PM

    Let’s hear it for friends who happen to be the best people in the universe and a God who’s even better!

    I love that he has chosen to use us to show his love to one another.

  6. Little AP on August 21, 2009 at 2:53 PM

    God has wonderful ways of showing His love. :) Glad he gave one to you.

  7. Greta on August 21, 2009 at 6:24 PM

    I love you big.

    He loves you bigger.


  8. mom on August 21, 2009 at 6:55 PM

    I’m just having a moment over this one! Beautiful writing, beautiful story, beautiful Annie, beautiful Greta….doesn’t Shawn McDonald have a song about a Beautiful God? It’s what is going through my head now.

  9. Andrea on August 21, 2009 at 11:50 PM

    Wow. God is so good to us, isn’t He?

  10. Lyla on August 22, 2009 at 1:10 AM

    :) It’s moments like that that keep me truckin’ along. I’m not even a Christian, but there are definitely moments…often when things seem quite grim… that I KNOW there’s somebody watching out for me.

  11. Brooke on August 22, 2009 at 1:10 PM

    God rocks.
    I adore you and I adore Greta, but not nearly as much as God does.

  12. Mike on August 22, 2009 at 4:48 PM

    Just hang in there. We all go through these ups and downs in our faith. Just remember the whole concept of faith makes no sense at all!

  13. Krysta on August 22, 2009 at 10:47 PM

    Wow…that is just wonderful! :) And Greta has such great taste…what a fantastic doorknob!

  14. Andrea on August 22, 2009 at 11:34 PM

    Oooohhh….brings tears to my eyes. I just LOVE stories like this. Happy belated birthday! PTL

  15. Sarah on August 23, 2009 at 1:36 AM

    Wow, I have never seen such a lovely doorknob.

  16. Sarah Kate on August 23, 2009 at 8:36 AM

    That is the cutest doorknob I’ve ever seen. It makes me want to start a collection.

  17. jeremy Parsons on September 14, 2009 at 8:05 PM

    great post. Truly.

    Your brother (still figuring out how to live in light of the Gospel)

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