I don’t feel much like writing these days.  I’m tired and sad – and those things don’t make for good fodder.

Sorry that the blog has been pretty lame for a while now.  I don’t even know why I’m apologizing – or who I’m apologizing to.  I guess it just feels like the only thing to do.  Life changes, as do the seasons, as do our hearts – and sometimes we get tired and sad.

I struggle with depression – I always have.

But I’m also a Christian.

I’m a depressed Christian.

I can be both, you know.  They are not mutually exclusive.  I can be both.  What it means is that I’m not the one in the front row singing, “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!”  Instead, more often than not, I’m the kid in the back, responding with the bewildered and suspicious echo: “Where?”

But God is bigger than the way that I feel.

Some of you may not believe that.  Sometimes, I don’t believe it either.  But I suppose that this is where Mark 9:24 comes in handy: “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.”



  1. Val on October 5, 2009 at 11:53 AM

    I can’t wait to hug you in person.

  2. Laura on October 5, 2009 at 12:59 PM

    I hear you. This is my daily struggle too. Sometimes all that’s left is to just keep on keeping on.

  3. Greta on October 5, 2009 at 1:48 PM

    Sweet friend. This is why Psalm 13 is one of my favorite parts of the Bible.

    Praying for you– loving you.

  4. Marijke on October 5, 2009 at 1:55 PM

    You are not the only one. For sure not.

  5. jasonmichael on October 5, 2009 at 4:29 PM

    “Lord beer me strength”
    – Jim Halpert

  6. Elizabeth on October 5, 2009 at 6:20 PM

    Hang in there!

  7. dn on October 5, 2009 at 7:58 PM

    “Sorry that the blog has been pretty lame for a while now.”

    Uh, have you looked at other peoples’ blogs lately? I’m showcasing CAT VIDEOS at the moment. Not exactly the hippest.

  8. Sarah Kate on October 5, 2009 at 10:23 PM

    I haven’t blogged since March 8th. The only thing new on there is my “tweets.” I might win the lame blog award.

  9. FW on October 5, 2009 at 10:52 PM

    Yeah, the end of summer always gets me too.

  10. Allie, Dearest on October 5, 2009 at 11:06 PM

    This is the best thing I’ve read all day.

  11. Kate on October 6, 2009 at 12:57 AM

    i just read it out loud to my pastor. not lame. someone has to shout the echo…

  12. Lisa on October 6, 2009 at 9:35 AM

    thanks for writing this. I needed to hear it this morning. I struggled with depression for many years, and still fear that I am sinking back into it each and every time I hit a hard and dry and fearful stretch of life. The reminder that I am not the only one who stands bewildered wondering where the joy is was so encouraging this morning. So, thanks.

  13. Dad on October 7, 2009 at 6:38 PM

    Me, too. Struggled with depressions ALL my life. I guess that’s a big part of where you get it from. The awesome thing is that you are saying it. Most of the people who hear me say it, come to me confessing that they’ve never told anyone, and that they’ve silently suffered for a lifetime.

  14. Devon on October 11, 2009 at 7:30 AM

    this speaks to me, annie, thank you :)

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