Forward
Tomorrow is a new year, a fresh start, a clean slate.
I like markers. I like new beginnings. I like boundaries that separate “this” from “that.” It gives me a sense of control, however misperceived.
2010 is a year of starting over, in almost every way that I possibly could – even in ways that I didn’t ask for and don’t want to. New city. New home. New people. The “new people” part is the part I really don’t like – I’ll be honest, I don’t really want any new people. I like the people that I already have, thankyouverymuch.
But I think back to 2 years ago when I moved to Nashville, and I could not believe that I had left Seattle. I spent the first 6 months with one foot still in the Northwest, convincing myself that the relocation was temporary, and that I would be returning sooner rather than later. I tried to freeze my long-distance friendships – like frogs under the ice, just biding time until the waters thawed and they could once again swim freely.
But that day never came.
And you know what? I’m glad.
I exchanged something very good in Seattle for what turned out to be something very good in Nashville. Incredible friends. Amazing experiences. Growth and challenges and hilarity and LIFE. I would not trade my two years in Nashville for anything I once had in Seattle – not because it was better than what I had in Seattle, but because I have now experienced it, and it’s mine.
You can’t give back what is now yours. I wouldn’t want to. Not even the hard stuff.
So as I head up to Denver today to get the keys to my new apartment, and I wait for my furniture to be delivered next week, and I start working in the office on Monday, and I drive around this massive urban sprawl that seems so foreign and gigantic, I want to be present. I will leave my heart wide open to the people in front of me – not forsaking my far-flung, beloved friends, but hopefully, gracefully, allowing those relationships to change. This is the only way to truly live.
Even though I didn’t really ask for it, I chose it, and I CHOOSE it. I’m excited for what Denver might hold.
But, um, friends? Please come visit me in 2010. I miss you already.
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So I haven’t commented in awhile, but I’ve been reading and praying like crazy for you and everything going on in your life. WE ARE SO CLOSE NOW! Well not really, but 6 hours isn’t that far.
I’ve got some wonderful friends in Denver. If you ever WANT to meet new people, I know a few goodies. And I know of a fantastic simple church that meets RIGHT downtown. :) Great people who are full of love and do wonderful things. You’d love them. http://denverhousechurch.blogspot.com/
“You can’t give back what is now yours. I wouldn’t want to. Not even the hard stuff.”
Amen, sister. I hope your new beginnings in Denver are full of blessings.
Love this post. I need to make this my anthem. :)
You’re gonna love Denver. And luckily, you’ve already got two awesome people out there in Gina and Leigh. I know you’ll be missed in Nashville, but Denver is going to be good to you. Plus, now we can bond about being remote supporters! Good times.
you know, i really hope that we get to give each other a hug one day, because that is what i want to do right now.
i totally feel you. leaving the life i had in boulder, for the wide unknown in salt lake city, was the hardest thing i’ve done, and i was moving to be with my future husband.
after a month (or two) of crying, though (can you say, “poor tim”?), i realized that i’d moved to boulder blind, and god opened up this incredible world to me. who’s to say it wouldn’t happen here?
transition is HARD. change SUCKS, but it always brings about so much growth and beauty (once you’ve pushed your way through the muck).
i’ll be praying for you. i’ll be praying for your mama. you’re a strong lady, annie. you’ve already proven that.
This post put into words what I’m feeling. Thanks for the translation!
[…] or highlights, would be exhausting. So I’m going to quote my friend Annie, whose post yesterday sums up both how hard and how beautiful change can […]
I’ll continue praying for you in this huge transition of life and when you decide you are ready for some new friends, my door is constantly open even without JJ and Lisa here. :)
Thank you for putting how I feel into words, a whole lot better than I ever could! I’m going through the same thing right now but in reverse. I just moved to Nashville from Colorado and left my Colorado friends behind. Maybe we can trade friends…