News to me


I don’t watch the news anymore – ever.  I don’t have time in the morning, I don’t have time at night, and so I just don’t do it.  I mean, I hear things – but I don’t know the stories.  I catch snippets – but don’t know the details.

Currently, I have no idea what the deal with Tiger Woods is – that is, I know that he got in a car crash and then that somehow translated to him being accused of being a total sleazoid, but…  Wait.  Is that the whole story?  That might be the whole story.

Amanda Knox got 26 years in an Italian prison – but honestly, I only learned that because I ran across a picture of her online and liked her jacket.

I have no idea why the blonde Obama Crasher was wearing a sari.

I am embarrassingly out of touch.

Which is why I was shocked to recognize a Zhu Zhu hamster in the hand of a small child yesterday as the one that has recently been recalled.  This little toddler was walking around Marché with – yes! – the light brown version!  Gripped in his grubby little hand!  His parents were calmly eating their eggs, oblivious to the fact that their child was CLUTCHING POISON.  I had a flash of me jumping to my feet, knocking over tables, running in slow motion with my face contorted into that warped “NOOOOOOOO,” with outstretched hands to knock the infected rodent away.

But his parents looked kind of mean.  So I didn’t do anything.

And it’s too bad – if I had, I bet I could have made the news.



  1. Rod on December 7, 2009 at 10:32 AM

    Way to bookend this piece! It was great seeing you Saturday night.

  2. Emily on December 7, 2009 at 10:34 AM

    I am almost always out of touch with the news. I hate watching it, so I don’t.

    I will never sound like a well-informed citizen of the world and I’m okay with that.

  3. Katherine on December 7, 2009 at 10:47 AM

    I can picture you describing the events to the interviewer now…

    Praying for your Mom. So glad the surgery went well.

  4. Erin on December 7, 2009 at 11:06 AM

    THAT’s why i installed a news toolbar…but I don’t always click on the links.
    And I probably would have gotten up and told the parents…after I spent 25 minutes trying to figure out how to do so eloquently.
    And you should google Jimmy Kimmel interviewing kids about Tiger-it’s funny.
    You would laugh. :)

  5. Duane on December 7, 2009 at 1:11 PM

    i just love that the light brown one is named “Mister Squiggles”.

  6. wrecklessgirl on December 7, 2009 at 5:06 PM

    what would i do without your words? please never stop sharing. and if i ever touch your lips and say, “shhh, just go…” then please don’t take me seriously. i’m just quoting dumb and dumber.

  7. Mandy on December 8, 2009 at 12:30 AM

    So until I read this, I thought I was up to date on the news, but apparently I’m not. I’ve never heard of Amanda Knox and the whole hamster deal? No clue. Bummer.

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