It’s been awhile since I’ve talked about my feeeeeelings. For those of you wishing to keep a finger on the pulse of my emotional health, this one’s for you.
I remember around this time two years ago, soon after I had moved to Nashville, feeling lonely and afraid and sad.
This move could not be more different.
Not much scares me these days. I don’t know why this is, why this time I feel so much more stable and confident – maybe because my reasons for moving are different than what they were two years ago. Maybe because of what I experienced in my time in Nashville. Maybe because I’m just a little bit older.
Nashville was an amazing two years – but it was loud, and it was painful. I will never be sorry for the time that I spent there, but to be honest, it felt like being put through a cheese grater. A big part of me died while I was there. I was stripped of a lot of things: dreams, expectations, confidence, even truth.
A lot of times, I forgot what I know to be true.
This past month has been quiet and understated – a welcome change from the chaos of my life for the past two years. I miss my friends in Tennessee, and start to feel a bit left out when I think of their lives going on together and without me (because how could they possibly live without me?), but most of the time, I feel calm. My heart feels still.
I have no idea and no expectations for what this season in life will be or bring about. But I am seeing glimmers of revival in the parts of my heart that I thought were dead and gone. It feels foreign, but it feels like hope.