The other day, this was my Facebook status:
As futile as Facebook can be, I took a shot of it because I wanted to remember that moment – that realization that the darkness that I’ve been sitting in for going on a year now just isn’t really there anymore. Perhaps this is tempting a jinx, but I will say it anyway: life feels pretty good right now.
I know that in the middle of the depression, the disappointment, the pain, no one really wants to hear, “Don’t worry, it will get better!” Those honeyed words can feel hollow and nugatory – because when all you can see is darkness, it’s hard to imagine the light. In my experience, when well-meaning people try to band-aid despondency, it highlights a disconnect, and makes the depressed person feel even more alone.
But now, on the other side of this most recent bout with a powerful hopelessness, I am just so grateful that it’s over – and I want to remind those who are in it that it’s not always going to feel this bad.
It might feel bad for a long time, and before it gets better, it might even get worse. I know that some of you out there have experienced mammoth losses, ones that I cannot comprehend. Some of you have broken hearts that feel beyond mending. Some of you have faced disappointment after disappointment, or suffered a family life that you didn’t ask for, or simply fallen into this same old rut over and over again, with no idea how to change your stars.
I do not pretend to have the answers “why.”
But it’s not forever. You have not been abandoned. You are loved beyond all measure – and even if you know it in your head, someday, you are going to feel it again, too.
So don’t lose hope.