Saving grace


In the midst of this move (because a move doesn’t just happen, you know… it is a process that takes place over a period of time – however long it takes, really), I have had hours upon hours to myself.  I think that I am predisposed to handling solitude a lot better than most – I don’t mind being alone, and in a lot of ways, I thrive on it.

But what I’m finding is that while quiet is good, silence can be hard.  A girl can drive herself crazy with the thoughts that she thinks in silence.  The vacuum of nothingness attracts all manner of mental material – because, as a wise man recently told me, “nature abhors a vacuum.”

Granted, he was trying to encourage me that my singleness will not be forever (dear sweet Jesus, please and amen), but still.  Same idea.

To fill up the hours and keep the silence at bay, thankfully, I have running.

In a small way, I think that running may be saving me during this move.  I am running 5-6 days a week, and at least one of those days is 10+ miles.  I’ve mentioned it before on this blog: what has come over me?  I didn’t become a runner until last year, when I trained for my first major race – and that was with my beloved East Nasties, who I do not have here in Denver.  I am stunned at my own commitment in their absence.

While running with the Nasties last year was just as much a social opportunity as it was a training regime, running alone is proving to be a discipline.  I have to corral my thoughts – because while my body is incredibly strong these days, it’s my mind that needs a crack of the whip.

In 2009, running was theirs – something that I participated in, but I didn’t own.  It didn’t belong to me.  But this year, running is mine.

Then again, perhaps I’m just avoiding the silence.



  1. Laura on March 5, 2010 at 1:15 PM

    Wow, that’s awesome that you’ve really gotten into running. God takes good care of us and gives us what we need to stay sane!

  2. Laura on March 5, 2010 at 3:22 PM

    Sometimes we introverts get ourselves into trouble when we’re alone with our thoughts. Anne Lamott says it well when she writes that her mind is like a “bad neighborhood” that she shouldn’t venture into alone.

    Another great Anne Lamott line is, “I might not be much, but I’m all I think about!” How true.

  3. kimberly on March 5, 2010 at 3:38 PM

    now, in turn, you are inspiring me. I haven’t wanted to run lately, and have fallen out of habit; but you, you are my inspiration. so I am back.

    way to go friend.

  4. Greta Weisman on March 5, 2010 at 4:51 PM

    Please can you run to Seattle?

  5. Kaci on March 7, 2010 at 1:57 AM

    I just wanted to leave a comment about how much I enjoy reading your blog!

    I agree 100% that quiet is good, but silence can be terrifying. When my mind is left alone, it so quickly travels down paths of self-destruction. It takes an unbelievable amount of work to take my thoughts continually captive.

  6. Tim on March 9, 2010 at 10:19 AM

    I hear ya… that’s why we have to be transformed by the renewing of our mind

Leave a Comment