Why commitment equals freedom
Something really remarkable has happened: I’ve stopped thinking about moving.
I know that this is probably foreign to some people, but I have entertained the idea of moving – no matter where I’ve lived – for at least the past 5 years. When I was living in Seattle, I was thinking about moving to Nashville. When I was living in Nashville, I was thinking about moving back to Seattle. Then, in December of 2009, family circumstances took me to Denver – and every day, I was thinking about moving back to Nashville, or back to Seattle, or maybe to Portland, or there’s always Boston…
But I have not thought about moving since November. For over two months, it hasn’t crossed my mind. I live in Denver, and I’m not looking to leave anytime soon.
My new job commits me to this city. And for as backward as it sounds, commitment equals freedom. I am free from the questions, from the what ifs, from the grass-is-greener thoughts that accompanied having options. Having options creates the illusion that one can do anything – which, while attractive in theory, can be alarmingly paralyzing.
There is something really good about having fewer options. Having fewer options simplifies my thought life, and allows me to be present exactly where I am. Having fewer options makes me say “yes” to all that’s right in front of me. Having fewer options frees up my calendar, my bank account, and my heart.
Having fewer options actually gains us access to a wealth of experiences, relationships, and resources that are far from pipe dreams – no, in fact, they’re close enough to touch.
If you find yourself having your options whittled down, don’t freak out. It might be the greatest thing that could happen.
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tags: Annie Parsons | Clarity | Contentment | Denver | Denver | Life | Moving
so beautifully applicable to so many situations. thanks for the reminder this morning!
I really think you and I are so much alike. When we first got married and had no money, it was one of my favorite times ever. I could stop freaking out about where I should travel to or volunteer or donate or what I should buy, etc. because we just couldn’t do any of that like I could in college. Being broke kind of rocks for the exact reasons you outlined above. Embrace your limits! They make free time much more relaxing.
Great insight. Thank you for sharing.
Love this AP.
I agree with all of the above…amazing insight, and very applicable to me. Thanks, AP!
Today I was freaking out a bit about committing to a new job and a new city. Thanks for the good dose of how committing can actually free things up instead of tie me down. Brilliant post!
This is so true! I have always looked wistfully at other cities and other opportunities; now that I’ve moved to SF, and found (won?) myself a new job, I find myself breathing a sigh of relief, having escaped the What Ifs. I can really just enjoy the now. I will say, though, it’s still a challenge to really BELIEVE this is the new me, the new home. And by believe, I mean do all the things you do at home: join a gym, be social and try to make friends, find a church to attend, etc. xx love you AP
Hear, hear, Annie. I think about this often since the position of having options is a mode that we are constantly living in now more than ever. I heard it described once as constantly “dwelling in the realm of possibility.” While that is exciting in some ways, I think more often than not it keeps us, as you say, from being present and _content_ with where we are. And I think it’s a gift to recognize this so early in life – to understand that “having options” can be both a blessing and a curse. Thanks for your thoughts – just wanted to add a resounding agreement. :)
i’ve spent the last 6 years in kc one foot out the door, trying to find any and all excuses to get the other one out too, and move on. to someplace more exciting. hopefully with mountains. and pine trees. just recently (oh. 2 weeks ago) i decided that i was going to make kc home (and subsequently stop talking about and seeking to move). a little bit nervous/terrified but also a lot more bit excited. home? really? long term relationships? really? you’re right, the stuff of pipe dreams is right on our doorsteps. i’ve often heard “options are the enemy of intimacy”. how true. thank you for this annie. exactly what i needed to hear. :)
This is good, I like this.
I see continuity between this and your post about Peace.
Substantial. And timely. Thank you AP.
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